My husband is a good person, but the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone who is so uncommunicative frightens me. I only realised how much the lack of communication bothers me fairly recently. I didn't realise he was like this at first, we were friends for quite some time before we were a couple and helped me through a bad breakup, was supportive to me when I was suffering with depression etc. I no longer get that level of support or discussion, really! Everything's ok until there's a problem. I mean, he's not the most talkative man in the world, but that's ok. We talk, have a laugh, get along as normal. But If something goes wrong, he just will not discuss it with me. I have to work out that there is a problem from his stroppy behaviour. And it takes days of wheedling and pushing him for him to finally decide to talk to me about what's bothering him. I do not like to sweep things under the carpet, as soon as there's an issue I'd like to have it dealt with because I don't see any point and normally assume that people are unaware of a problem and will want to work with me and compromise to sort it out. Getting anything out of him is like getting blood from a stone. In the past, when this has happened, he has finally talked to me and we've discussed what plans we can make to overcome this problem etc, and he's admitted that he should've just talked to me in the first plAce, but it never changes.
I'd really like a time where we can just discuss things, say a weekly time or something, because his hours are all over the place and we never get any regular time together. It also means that we'd be able to discuss what we're going to do about meals and plan out our week a bit better. I'm worried about even broaching this with him because I know exactly how he'll react.
An example of his lack of communication is that I'm currently fourteen weeks pregnant and he hasn't told his dad yet. Everyone else knows and I've explained to him that he will be very hurt if he hears it from somebody else, but he still just hasn't done it. Every time I bring it up I am met with silence or jokey changing of the subject. He has a strained relationship with his dad, but neither of them have ever discussed this or dealt with it. His dad pops in on us a few times a year and they are so similar, it's scary. I sit there making conversation with his dad while he sits there in silence and his dad acts As though everything is fine.
How can I explain that this is extremely important to me and to the health of our relationship?? I fear that having a baby is only going to make this situation worse and resentment is going to creep in. I just want to feel able to honestly talk about things without being met with silence, which is what sometimes happens. He point blank refuses to engage with me and carries on as though everything's fine.