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Original poster

Money issues

11 replies

Chole24 · 17/04/2015 23:50

Hi I am looking for some advice. My DP is selfish when it comes to money.
Ihave always earned the most so my DP is used to this. If we go out he always expect me to pay and says you get this. It's very embarrassing!
Currently I pay all bills from my account including rent and he is working and in a better job and only pays for his car and small loan I maybe earn 500 more a month but pay everything. We have ds and I am fed up of struggling every month as I have no money left to do anything nice by the time everything is payed. He is reluctant to get a joint account or split bills but I feel this is unfair. I am worried he gambles a lot. I know he puts bets on but think it's more than I get told. He always has no money to do anything when he should have much more than I do.
Are a lot of men selfish when it comes to money??

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 18/04/2015 00:20

Why doesn't he want a joint account? Mind you if he is a gambler, that might be a blessing in disguise. However, that does not mean he shouldn't be paying a proportion of the bills - proportionate to his income. What excuse does he give for not doing that?

Also does he pull his weight around the house and with your DS?

PurpleBananaPie · 18/04/2015 01:31

No, all men are not like this when it comes to money. Why are you paying for everything (bills etc), why isn't it split 50/50?

DeckSwabber · 18/04/2015 09:05

You need to work out something fairer, either 50/50 or a proportion of the income.

He lets you pay because you keep paying.

Quitelikely · 18/04/2015 09:25

Do not tolerate this.

Write a list of the rent & utility bills, show him the list and tell him you want half of it.

If he refuses then if I was you I would ask him to leave.

He will soon get the message that your serious and hopefully he will start paying his way.

Joysmum · 18/04/2015 09:26

I don't want a joint account either, and I'm not the main earner.

Work our your bills, average them out over a month plus extra for rainy day money, ensure there aren't any big bills or rush of bills coming up that leaves you with not enough to cover them.

Work out your household income, have personal accounts for the residual disposable household income which you divide 50/50 (anything else isn't fair) to spend however you want with no need for explaination or justification.

No way on earth id ever have a joint account given the horror stories on here of partners emptying them!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/04/2015 09:39

No, a lot of men are not selfish when it comes to money but his behaviour is typical of a problem gambler. Has he previously told you that he will stop when he wins big?. How much has he lost when it comes to gambling, do you know the full extent of his finances along with gambling losses?. My guess is you do not know the half of it.

BTW have you ever seen a poor bookie?. No neither have I.

I would ask you why you are together at all; his gambling is a huge problem in itself. You cannot rescue and or save him from his own self here. Do not simply stay for "the sake of our child".

The last thing you want to do is further tie yourself to this man in terms of finances because all that will do is further drag your own self down with him. Is this really the life you want too for your son; to be brought up in such a household where there is constant pressure and stress due ultimately to your bloke's gambling addiction.

Nolim · 18/04/2015 09:45

Not all men are selfish. Yours is.

Original poster
Chole24 · 18/04/2015 09:58

Thanks for your comments.
I didn't see gambling as a major problem until recently. He used to gamble maybe 5/10 at the weekend on football. It's recently he has different gambling accounts he has won a little but think he puts in more than he tells me. He says it's only £5 at weekends but don't think it is.
I think to be honest I have always been the one that has payed that's the issue. He was a student after my son was born so I had to work full time to cover us and since then he hasn't payed any bills he told me when we got a job he would but now he claims we have the same as he pays for car which is his. I still can't afford to do my driving as we payed for him to do his so one of his could drive. I think I am to soft! If I say he needs to pay bills he says he doesn't have enough. Never saves either has no money saved

OP posts:
IAmAShitHotLawyer · 18/04/2015 11:15

Get on the "entitled to" website and see if you'd be better off living alone

pocketsaviour · 18/04/2015 11:54

If you didn't have him sponging off you 24/7 you could undoubtedly afford your driving test.

I think it's time to sit him down and have a serious talk about how things need to change. Yes you've always supported him, no that doesn't mean he carries on getting a free ride.

Is he supportive in other ways? Does his fair share of housework, good with your DS?

Original poster
Chole24 · 19/04/2015 20:44

He does his fair share of childcare as we have no other help so when I'm at work he is at home with DS and vice versa. We need to sort something just had a big arguement tonight! Not really about money but he undermines me around DS. DS had been asked to get in bath and I had to repeat several times and was falling on death ears. DH turns round and says to DS go in bath before your mum starts shouting. I dunno if I'm taking it out of proportion but feel like this is undermining me and making me out to be horrible instead of giving support.

OP posts:
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