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Relationships

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Original poster

Can you tell a player the second you meet them?

20 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 19:06

My ex appeared 'normal' but he was a real player and a cheat. I actually posted last night because he wants us to be friends. I spent far too much time analysing his behaviour.
Well fast forward to today I met a rather handsome scouser who was incredibly sexy and immediately we started chatting about common things and oh I know how you hate the word ' banter' but I can't think of a better description.. we bantered.
Is someone being jokey and cheeky up front a massive red flag? He was perfectly nice and funny but his forthright manner made me think he would be trouble..

OP posts:

NickiFury · 27/02/2015 19:13

Yes, I can always tell. It depends what you want though doesn't? I would probably go for a few dates and a shag and have no other expectations than that .

It's only trouble is if you're looking for a relationship and your gut instinct is telling you he's not that guy, which appears is happening in this situation.

Also I was seeing a stunning bloke for a few months (also professional sportsman) I had no expectations of anything serious and I think that can be an attractive vibe to a bloke who has lots of interest from women. I ended up going out with him for two years.

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 19:14

I am thinking player.. and downright filthy

OP posts:

FelicityGubbins · 27/02/2015 19:16

Scousers are upfront and a bit provocative, (in a nice way) banter sounds perfectly normal behaviour from him imo.

NickiFury · 27/02/2015 19:17

I'd be going for that I think

elsabelle · 27/02/2015 19:17

I reckon you can always trust your first impression / instinct. What i often find is that my gut initially tells me one thing, then i gradually get convinced i was wrong, but in the end it usually turns out my first impression was the right one.

Agree with the PP. Could be fun for a fling, just dont fall for him! (Easier said than done i know...)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/02/2015 19:18

No you can't. What you're naturally going to do, if you've been massively betrayed, is be sensitised to anything that seems to be playerish in a new potential partner. All you can ever do is keep your eyes open, ask the right questions, take nothing entirely on trust and form a judgement

AnyFucker · 27/02/2015 19:21

Do you leave yourself open to players, do you think ? Do you in fact rather like a bit of the old dramarama yourself ?

yesterday you were angsting about ex lover boy

today...a new frisson with another Charming Man

if you keep getting hurt by blokes, it might be an idea to examine what your "type" is and stop falling for the chat

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 19:45

Thanks anyfucker for your input. Thanks for calling my ex of three years 'loverboy' hey its just a word..
I don't enjoy drama. I've genuinely missed my ex every day. The 'really misses my friendship' really screwed with my head yesterday. Today was a little light relief and reminded me that my ex isn't the only man in the world. I had hoped my 'downright filthy' comment shows I am being dare I say it 'lighthearted'

OP posts:

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 19:46

But the player question was a genuine one.

OP posts:

MadeMan · 27/02/2015 19:59

"Is someone being jokey and cheeky up front a massive red flag?"

Does he wink a lot and call you treacle? I'd say it was as massive a red flag as having perfect teeth, a great smile and a ready wit. Not an indicator of being a player at all I wouldn't have thought.

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 20:09

I guess he could say.. I met this girl today and she was very upfront and jokey. She must be a player..

OP posts:

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 27/02/2015 20:11

Any man who is too sure of himself and his good reception is a red flag to me.

MadeMan · 27/02/2015 20:20

"I guess he could say.. I met this girl today and she was very upfront and jokey. She must be a player.. "

More likely he'll think you're good to talk with, fun and relaxed.

iwashappy · 27/02/2015 20:57

Unfortunately I think players come in many different guises. Some men are very obviously players when you meet them others are a hell of a lot more subtle.

I would like to think that some men who are just jokey can be just that and taken at face value but have been proved wrong

I don't think it's a red flag in itself, people are individuals and what will apply to one man may well be different for another. I could have given a long list of green flags about my ex-DH but sadly he kept a big red flag well hidden from me so I don't think you can say that certain behaviour in this case means one thing or another as it is very much down to the individual.

Are you likely to see this man again?

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 21:06

Yes I am. He's doing some subcontract work for a sub contractor of mine on Monday. (If that makes sense)

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/02/2015 21:19

Don't send him any "intimate" pics or start planning a future with him

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 21:30

no chance. Got my hand firmly on my ha'penny 'since September its been there

OP posts:

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 27/02/2015 21:31

Strikethrough fail

OP posts:

CrystalSkull · 28/02/2015 18:49

In my experience, most are are easy to spot. It's the ones who don't seem like players who are the most dangerous.

lavenderhoney · 28/02/2015 21:18

Ask him about his previous love life. Listen to his stories. It tells you all you need to know.

I am very chatty and open. I am also incredibly private- I chat merrily and superficially. I'm not a player, just good at chatting and making people feel comfortable. It's what you're used to.

Ask a direct question! " are you pissing me about and just after a shag?"
A player will talk round it. A chatter will tell you straight:)

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