I have changed my name for this one - and if u work it out please do not say it as DH know's my log on (usual story!) anyhow,
basically, I was with my first love at 16 (we got together when we left school) his mum/my dad went to school together etc, we were together for 6 months but in that tiem I totally fell for him, we were inseperatable (tbh I wish i'd waited to have him as my first etc but I diodn't anyhow) in those 6 months a lot happened to us - mainly I fell PG by him which was m/c shortly after - his mum never knew nor did any of his family, mine did however. we split up about 2 months after the m/c - (was an unplanned accident btw) mainly as I want to run away and forget everything - went mega off the rails started drinking staying out late - all the wrong things, anyhow, thought running away would solve the problem - he didn't want to leave our town with me - his answer 'why do I want to leave I don't know everyone here yet??' anyhow, we had a final drink together and parted on relatively good terms about 3 months after we split up. whilst I was away from 17.5 to 18.5 we didn't talk at all, I couldn't get over him etc more drinking bad relationships etc. anyhow I moved back closer to home and we met up - by chance (purely) as he was livcing close to my mum at the time, had a chat etc it was nice, he was single but I was with someone (He met someone new just b4 I moved away as well) he wanted us to start over but I felt I couldn't as this other bloke was soo nice (turned out to be a real coke head but that's another story) so we went our seperate ways again.
I moved in with DH shortly after and again moved to the other end of the country- DH has been brillinat to me - and i've given him some real shit, but he's always been honest and careing, I cheated on him once and felt like absolute shit so won't do it again. (was many moons ago b4 we were married) anyhow,
Ex still lives by mums and I saw him when I was last down there - we have been tlkaing - and finally after all this time we can have a conversation about what happened between us without one/the other running away from it and getting upset. the thing is thou my feelings are still there to an extent. and this is the scary part. he is and was my first love, the man who i'd gotten PG first by.
now I know damn well that he's a player, and also had the PG continuted I would prob now be a single mum in the worst part of twon etc (not that there's anything wrong with that) but i'd have never met my DH or had my son, both of whom I totally adore. DH and I have our ups and downs like any couple. the ex wants us to meet but only me - he's not intrested in my son, or the fact I have a child - so I know damn well his intentions (must stress nothing will ever and can't ever happen as i'm married first and foremost).
I just wonder how things would have turned out had I of said yes when I was 18 to him. he also slept with a so called mate of mine about 6 months after we split, and he's a terrible reputation for cheating on G/F's - something I said he'd do to me -if he hadn't when we were together, but he swears blind that he never would have and that we'd still be together.
I don't know why this is coming out now - sometimes I guess curiosity makes me wonder. as I say thou my DH/son are my world and life so I have no intentions of cheating or leaving my DH and I know he'd be upset to find out I still have feelings for an Ex.
can u ever get over your first love thou?
thanks for reading.