I haven't had sex for 18 months!!

[Tea1Sugar]

Since dd2 was conceived. She's 9 months now. Will i work?! We've done other stuff but not intercourse. I had an elcs this time after nasty tear with dd1. Genuinely afraid.

? lots of alcohol!

That's an ish. I don't drink!0

Yes! you will work. It's understandable that you're cautious after a bad tear, but after 18 months it has well and truly healed. Go for it! If DTD does cause pain, then you can seek medical advice, but until you DTD, you won't know. Best wishes for a frolicsome time!

Oh sorry, just realised the elcs was after the tear (haven't got glasses on and didn't read abbreviation properly). Even more reason to go for it.

I think the only thing yo can do is talk to your partner about your nerves, and go very, very slowly, with lots of build up.

The more relaxed you are, the less likely you will feel any discomfort.

Put yourself in control. You stick with positions where you can control penetration and make him be passive.

I don't suggest alcohol. Alcohol numbs our neurotransmitters to pain, so if there is something there that's worth taking note of, pain-wise, then often we don't feel it if we've drunk too much, and that can exacerbate things.

I'd suggest sober, slow-slow-slow, and lots of lubrication.

Gosh 18 months?!

laughs like a drain then starts to cry

Same here and my husband really isn't bothered I fine that sad

You'll be okay I didn't have sex for 2.5 years since I found out I was pregnant till my DS was over and a half and I met my DP, it's was a tad nerve racking but it was good GL

I had a emcs too if that helps

I keep putting it off. Tuesday I shaved my legs, had a wax, wore matching undies and still went to bed before him in jammies and fell asleep. Hmm.

It'll come don't worry.

Have you gave any thought to a romantic evening? Don't even have to go out. Put your DC to bed have dinner, watch a movie on the sofa, Some wine and then just see how you feel?

Well, I recently managed to have sex for the first time in almost 3 years (since before DS2 was born as I split with ex shortly after that!) and can assure you everything still worked (extremely) well !

You need to be relaxed though, the more nervous you get the tenser you will be, it's a vicious cycle. If you overthink it it will become such a 'thing' that you'll struggle to enjoy it.

Loads of lube - I mean - if you think you've used enough, use a little bit more.

I should edit my op really. Last had sex, yes 18m ago in July 13 when dd2 was conceived. Prior to that, last time was when dd1 was conceived in aug 09. I've built up total anxiety over it.

Does he know how anxious you feel and that you'd like to try if you can get over your anxiety?

Have you got contraception sorted or do you want another baby?

So every time you've had sex you've got pregnant? You must be super fertile, be careful this time unless you want another.

Serious - not being flippant

If you are nervous about penetration and pain, why don't you buy a slim straight vibrator and try using that on your own (penetration) when masturbating and see how you get on and how it feels? (in terms of pain)
May help you relax. In all senses!

I mean something smallish and non-scarey - like this:

www.not-on-my-shift.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/vibe.jpg

Myballs - no ive had sex a lot more than twice!! Just the two most recent times yes I've fallen pregnant. I'm on microgynon now.