A solution to a problem

[RowTheBateau]

I have been seeing a lovely man for a few months and we want to go on holiday this year. The only problem is, we have kept the relationship fairly low key as he is a friend - albeit not a close one - of my ex husband. I have been divorced over 10 years our children are grown up and we are on good terms.

How can I tell him that I am in a relationship with his friend?? Friends say I should just text him, and although we are on good terms now, the reason for divorce was absolutely awful on his part and he treated me badly. I think friends want to see me pay him back.

So how can I do this kindly, as it isnt all about me, I have children to consider

As the issue here is 'the friend' rather than you being in 'a' relationship, would it not be better for the friend to tell him given he's an ex of 10 years?

It's 10 years. Mention going on holiday, and let him work it out when his friend is also on holiday.

Really, what has it got to do with him? He isn't your keeper, he isn't his friend's keeper, you know each other and like each other.

You can start off saying you have been friendly for a while, and decided to share a holiday what's the big deal? Then just let it grow.

How on earth do I start a conversation like that??

There's no real imperative to tell him anything ten years on. Please stop skulking around being 'low key'. Be proud of each other and open about your relationship and the jungle drums being what they are he'll probably find out in due course. Tell your DCs (assuming they don't already know) because they're really the only ones that are going to be affected.

How on earth do I start a conversation like that??

You don't. It is a response in case he asks.

'Are you seeing x'
'Yes, we have been friendly for a while. We decided to share a holiday. What's the big deal?'

It's none of his business.

Why have you got to tell him anything? Surely ten years post divorce and with grown-up children you have virtually nothing to do with each other. If his friend wants to tell him he's in a relationship with his friend's ex-wife, let him handle it.