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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Don't know what to think

15 replies

WhatAmIPlayingAt · 04/01/2015 20:35

Earlier this week my ex and I got back in contact. We discussed being together and I spent the night with him. He then decided he wanted the weekend to go out and enjoy himself and told me he would see me today to speak about us.
I haven't heard anything from him all day. It's really getting me down because I feel like he has used me. Any advice on what to do next?

OP posts:

lemisscared · 04/01/2015 20:43

i think you are going to have to chalk this up to experience. block his number and fb and ignore

Vivacia · 04/01/2015 20:45

I think you're right, he told you what you wanted to hear and you fell for it. I would pretend as though he didn't exist from now on.

Vivacia · 04/01/2015 20:46

Actually, when he next gets in touch I'd reply with something like, "Nah, maybe not eh". Aim for breezy.

VanitasVanitatum · 04/01/2015 20:49

God what a twat. Don't contact him again or respond when he contacts you. You're already so far down his priorities list when he's supposed to be winning you back? It's hardly going to get better!

BuzzardBirdRoast · 04/01/2015 21:01

He used you when he was at a loose end. I am sorry but there is no better way of putting it.

If he gets in contact again I would pretend it was the same for you.

Original poster

WhatAmIPlayingAt · 04/01/2015 23:46

Thank you. Tonight has been really hard and I've been literally glued to my phone waiting. I know he doesn't care or he would have called but it doesn't make it any easier :(

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2015 23:51

Anything is better for you right now than waiting pathetically by the phone for some ex to get in touch with another booty call. You're better than that. Fill your diary, see friends, wallpaper a room, whatever it takes ....

elsabelle · 04/01/2015 23:53

God what a dick. So sorry OP. Had you always been hoping to get back together? Id suggest deleting and blocking his number. Sending hugs.

Original poster

WhatAmIPlayingAt · 05/01/2015 00:04

To be honest elsa we actually split up about 5 months ago and I was near enough over it. When we first split I was devastated but went NC and things got better.
He then got back in touch and acknowledged the problems we had etc.. Made me think we had a real chance. Maybe this is why it hurts so badly because it's like one step forward and two steps back...

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 05/01/2015 07:25

Make this the last step back, out of the relationship, eh? If he calls again, no matter what line he tries ('we're worth another go', 'you never really loved me if you won't try again' blah blah), remember this day you spent waiting for the call that never came, and say 'nah, don't fancy it thanks all the same.' and on you go.

Fadingmemory · 05/01/2015 07:34

Sounds as though he will pick you up (sleep with you) then go off and do whatever he wants until he wants to sleep with you again. I agree with Walkacrossthesand

If you care for him, pushing him away will be miserable for you. If he cared for you, however, he would not treat you like this.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2015 08:20

"Maybe this is why it hurts so badly because it's like one step forward and two steps back.."

Breakups are hard and you can spend a lot of time wishing you were back together, in the process of which you'll only remember the good times and your judgement can get skewed. Sometimes you have to have a nasty experience with an ex to smash the rose-coloured spectacles good and proper.

Face forward OP.... make a new life that excludes this manipulative creep for good. You've had a lucky escape.

Original poster

WhatAmIPlayingAt · 05/01/2015 12:34

Thanks cogito. Your advice always makes me smile.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/01/2015 12:51

That's good :)

Pandora37 · 05/01/2015 13:18

He may have been using you all along or he may have suddenly got cold feet, it's hard to say.

I just posted on another thread about how I slept with an ex, thinking it was just sex (and we did both say it was just sex) but then he started telling me afterwards that he wanted to get back with me and he thought that was why I'd slept with him. I felt like a right arsehole, and saying no that was never my intention was horrible. Anyway, the moral of this story is sleeping with exes is not a very good idea. The lines are easily blurred and you'll just hurt yourself. I know you said you'd discussed getting back together but it doesn't sound 100 per cent clear and unfortunately a lot of people like to have their cake and eat it. He gets to have sex with you then gets to go off to decide whether you're worthy of a relationship with him? Fuck that.

It sounds like he thinks you'll always be sitting there waiting for him and he can pick up where things left off as and when he feels like it. So show him that you won't be. :)

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