How helpful is 'He's just not that into you'?

[CowPatRoberts]

I've been trying recently to build up my self esteem as (due to past relationships) my head wasn't as clear as it was 5 years ago- essentially I feel like I've lost a lot of my assertiveness.

I assume there's a few of you here who have read/seen 'He's just not that into you' and wondered how helpful it actually is, as it's mainly telling women to wait for a man to pursue them, there's a lot of emphasis on not making the first move and some of it jars with me.

Equally if anyone has other books to recommend I'm all ears!

Hmm, I'd recommend ditching the books, and just reading around on MN a bit. It's pretty eye opening.

Trust me, this site has helped me more in the last 12 months than anything else possibly could! I wish my Mum was a bit more web savvy so she could use it herself.

I have that book, it's very American in tone and very much 'dating scene' orientated, but I really enjoyed it.

Basically, it can be boiled down to the fact that if a guy is into you, he won't be too busy to phone, or 'too intimidated' by you or scared of 'ruining a friendship'. Nor will he be too shy to make a move if you've made it clear you like him or have already snogged/ shagged him.

It stops us from hanging on to false hope, chasing men and generally wasting time and making an arse of ourselves.

I gave mine to a friend who really, really needed to be told how to play it cool.

What about trying mindfulness - I started using the free Take 10 app by Andy Puddicombe, and really found that it helped.

I like the film! Before I married I had a habit of obsessing about men to unhelpful degrees and many of my female friends seem to do the same, as a light hearted don't take it to seriously kind of film it's fine. Over analyse it to much, or watch it if you are in the wrong place and it's not a great film. As a humerous wake up call time it worked! The gentlemen in question really were never in to me!

If you have low self esteem I'd stay away from the book and film.

I have the book and got a lot from it. The main point I took from it was that if someone says they are 'busy' / 'too busy' to see you / call you, they're just not into you.

I loved the book and still dip into it from time to time. I'm also a huge fan of the blog Baggage Reclaim, which preaches a similar message. I would highly recommend them both.

It is helpful to be able to see an emotional situation more objectively. E.g. If a man's actions don't match his words, it is unlikely that he is suddenly going to change!

Yep, what Morris said.

Also that the simplest and most obvious explanation is usually the right one.