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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Previous girlfriends were all 'weird' but the new one is lovely

17 replies

KillmeNow · 26/12/2014 21:43

Can it be that he just chose unwisely every time?

So as not to drip feed this is not me btw. Its a young friend who is actually quite off the wall by anyone's standards . Her boyfriend put this on his status after a few weeks of their first date in April this year. They have just got engaged .Unsurprisingly on Christmas day just for the drama of it all.

I have read many times on here of men whose previous relationships have all been with weird /crazy women /bitches and who have gone on to be an abusive or an otherwise nasty partner.

But are there some who have stated the same and had a change of personality with a new partner?

OP posts:

mrscumberbatch · 26/12/2014 21:44

Sorry, not sure i understand.

So your friend was proposed to on Xmas day and you don't like that her partner said that his new girlfriend is lovely compared to his exes?

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 26/12/2014 21:50

Seems like you've given your friend's relationship a lot of thought. What are you worried about?

GristletoeAndWhine · 26/12/2014 21:53

Yeah it could be a bit of a red flag. What else do you know. What's he like? And what about her is she vulnerable?

Chaseface · 26/12/2014 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pico2 · 26/12/2014 21:54

One of my friends has a lovely wife after a string of much less likeable GFs. There is nothing wrong with him and he deserves his lovely wife. However he wouldn't dream if saying that about his exes, especially on FB.

Chaseface · 26/12/2014 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland · 26/12/2014 21:56

So, the new boyfriend posted on FB that all his previous girlfriends had been weird? Not a sign of a particularly mature individual, but it depends if he is still very young?

Original poster

KillmeNow · 26/12/2014 21:58

Ive been worried about him from the outset.
It has been a very fast moving relationship and she is totally swept off her feet. In any other relationship I would be going with the flow as well. I have no reason to disapprove of quick romances as my DH visited his ex wife next door and came round with her for a drink.He never really went home after that ;)

Its something about him I dont like and when I read the status I remembered several threads on here where similar statements have been made about previous partners.

OP posts:

mrscumberbatch · 26/12/2014 21:59

Is there anything else that actually set you off about him asides from the childish fb statuses?

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 26/12/2014 22:01

Maybe it's just instinct. We are always told not to ignore it. Do you have a 'feeling' about him OP?

Original poster

KillmeNow · 26/12/2014 22:32

He indulges in army games (is not ex forces) and has a violent hobby I find abhorent . But really I go on what a person looks like and how they treat others.
I just think he looks mean and when I met him he discounted me as irrelevant so didnt even deign to speak to me. He went and sat slumped in a chair at a party aimed at him meeting select family and friends and didnt interact with anyone much. I watched for their interactions and she was all bright and breezy and ruffling his hair and he was sat impassive looking moody.
I guess I just dont like him but am still hoping its prejudice on my part.

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 26/12/2014 23:02

Not sure it's wise to go on what people look like.

BlackDaisies · 26/12/2014 23:07

Everything you've said about him would bother me too. The FB status isn't written by someone kind or happy with who they are, and the moody behaviour at a party with family and friends he's just met is worrying. Just make sure you're there for her if she needs you.

FolkGirl · 27/12/2014 04:16

I always thought that we shouldn't judge on appearances...

Stop getting involved in other people's relationships, just be there for her if she needs you.

Truth is, we don't know. We can't advise, only speculate. And even if we agreed that he's a dick, what exactly would you do with it? You can't make her dump him.

Fb status sounds ridiculous.

Queenofwands · 27/12/2014 06:02

What is his violent hobby? And don't worry about interfering in relationships. It's a positive that this young girl has someone looking after her.

wtffgs · 27/12/2014 08:16

Red bunting fluttering away there!

He sounds like a knob.

However, if the girl is 18+ then she is free to make her own mistakes.

AMumInScotland · 27/12/2014 11:23

If she's old enough to get engaged, then she's old enough to make her own choices, good or bad, and there's a limited amount you can do as a friend to suggest that the man she's fallen for doesn't seem that much of a catch.

All I think you can really do is the old 'criticise the behaviour, not the person' in the hope that it will prompt her to look at how he behaves in a more critical way.

So rather than 'He's a knob' try 'That's a hurtful way to describe somone you used to care about'. And rather than 'he looks mean' try 'It's a shame he didn't seem to make much effort to get to know your family'

Blatant dislike makes it more likely that she will dig her heels in and find it difficult to mention anything to you that sounds critical, which is problematic if he does turn out to be as much of a knob as you fear.

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