Was I really rude?

[AngieBolen]

DM popped by yesterday.

DD showed her, excitedly, her new shoes.

DM said "How many pairs of shoes have you got?! How many pairs of shoes does a girl need?!"

I interjected, "She didn't have any, which is why I had to buy her a pair three days before Christmas when I've got no money."

DM was obviously upset, and left soon after.

I'm upset I upset DM, but not sure if I was really rude...when I said it I was just explaining, and I really hadn't wanted to have to buy shoes this side of January.

Erm.. Not seeing the problem here. You might have been a tad snappy but nothing to get upset about IMO.

Apologise for upsetting her, I think what you said was a bit blunt - but depends on the tone of voice your DM used when saying you're dd has sooo many shoes. Is there a bit of back story to this?

Were you abrupt and snappy? I could understand that. But why is your DM so sensitive? She presumably knows you are not well off.

Just to add OP, I would be more upset if my dd was finding things financially tough at Xmas. Not with her comments. I would be worried about her.

Wasn't your DM just saying that in a jokey way? It's quite a common saying.

How do you know your DM was upset?

Were you angry that your DM didn't buy some shoes for her?

Hmm...I can imagine my mil saying something like that about my dd's new shoes, implying that I am frivolous and spending money unnecessarily. Even though I'm not and I don't.
I remember once meeting her in the street with dd in tow who was wearing a beautiful dress that was all of £6 in Primark, and her commenting "Oh my...what a fine dress!" in that way...you know? I found myself rushing to tell her it was a cheapy from Primark by way of justifying it, but then stopped myself. None of her fucking business really - if I want to buy scores of dresses for dd I will! Not that I would

So yeah...I relate. No idea what her problem is - she thought she's be snidey and pointed but was robbed of it? Fuck knows.

DM doesn't see any need to have more than one pair of shoes, as is very un-materialistic - and DD does indeed have a pair of school shoes, so wouldn't have been walking the pavements barefooted.

We aren't hard up, but I am a bit stressed about the cost of everything atm. I'm stressed about a lot of little things though atm, and DS1 had 2 minutes before announced he is getting a facial piercing next week on his 16th birthday so probably spoke more sharply than I realised.

Could be wrong mind...it's just that I heard my mil when I read your post.

Angie - yes!! My mil is very unmaterialistic too, and sees most fun and nice things as a waste of money, along with a lot of stuff you need as well.

I'd apologise for being a bit sharp and leave it at that or explain that sometimes you feel she disapproves of [whatever it is, I'm not sure]. Depends upon how much it bothers you, but it sounds as though you'd feel better for clearing this up.

You say you aren't hard up and yet you told DM you have no money?

Well yes I think you took your stress out on your mother.

You aren't even hard up so your comment about having no money wasn't accurate either.

Why not just call her and apologise for being grouchy?

Situation over.

Argy - I think she was illustrating to her mum that her daughter needed the shoes, hence being bought some at the most money draining time of the year.

Well, I have no money in my bank account, but all bills are paid, all DC have Christmas presents, and we will be having nice food on Christmas day, so we're hardly hard up.

Well, DM has been round twice today.

We are once again on good terms.

She declared she thinks everyone has far to many clothes, and she was brought up (during the war) to have only three of everything...one to wear, one in the wash, and one... just in case.

DS1 told her he only owns two pairs of jeans, and two jumpers. That made her day!

The only reason he has so few clothes is he keeps growing, and refuses to go shopping. My efforts at ordering on-line have resulted in comedy long jeans, and too large shirts, which have all been sent back.

She also did her annual declaration about Christmas gifts, and how she should only be given soap - which was less painful than the year she declared we should all only have home made gifts and worried DS2 who hangs on her every word, but was desperate for an iPod

pictish - I wondered for a moment if you were my SIL, but DN also had new shoes this week, and I think DM probably said the same to SIL.