People who are NC with close family - how much do you tell acquaintances about your situation?

[MrsBertMacklin]

Asking because the 'where are you spending Christmas question is coming up at my new job and when I say 'by myself', I can see in their faces, 'why is she not with family, must not ask, must be polite'.

Do others get this and if so, how do you handle it?

I just say 'just me and ds at home'

ultimately, your friends are lucky they don't have to walk a mile in your shoes. ultimately it doesn't matter what they think. try not to feel guilty for decisions you had to take.

You could always imply that your family are passed. Without specifically saying it but with an element of truth. People tend not to ask.

'Just me left I'm afraid'

I'm NC with my mum. I'm having a baby soon and some people comment 'your mum must be so excited.' I just say 'we are not in touch.' No one has ever asked why or any further questions. Most of my closer friends know the history. I did have one good friend who lectured me about depriving my child of a gran and asking why I hadn't made the effort with my mum. I just said she was really lucky not to have experienced the issues I've experienced with my mum.

i always tell people its just me and my two and we love it that way, some try to ask us to their houses out of pity but i genuinely enjoy the day with just the kids and me and definately no drama

Oh yes, the pity invite.

Thanks, quite like the 'just me left' for shutting down the question with anyone I don't care to share with.

What's NC?

all my close friends witnessed my sister's behaviour at our father's funeral, so I don't need to explain. they know my life is much better without her in it.

No Contact, Polly

Those that know my sister know why I am NC (non contact [polly]).
To others I just don't scknowledge her so she doesn't exist.

Thank you for the explanation

For a couple of years I lied because I was too embarrassed/vulnerable to tell the truth, probably giving people the idea my mother was dead. Now I just say I don't have any contact with my family and I'm doing x, y, or z. And generally the response is amazing. It's only when you are honest that you realise loads, and I mean loads, of people are in the same boat, and it doesn't matter so long as you are okay.

When people probe I am as simple and honest as I can be: some people are not very nice, when those people have children, those children end up with parents who are not very nice. It works surprisingly well with the 'you only get one family'crowd

I tend to say "we're not in contact" somewhat briefly. Usually people don't push.

chunder that sounds an effective one, too, might adopt that if you don't mind

I say that I am not in contact.

Two things about that....it's clear that something bad has happened, and people don't want to delve any deeper.

And also, it is WAAAAY more common than most people realise, but it's taboo, and not spoken about, so maybe people actually get it?

I'm nc with my dad. If people are rude enough to ask why I say 'because he is a lunatic' which is both true and generally the end of the conversation

Wotsits, my brother is LC with our mother (I'm NC) and around Christmas he is sometimes asked if he's going to see her (our father died years ago). If he's pushed as to why not he says no because she's mad. People sometimes think he's joking and say "yeah, mine too, mums, eh?" He says he looks them in the eye and says "No, I mean really mad". That's usually the end of the conversation.
For me, I just say we're no and most people don't push. If they do I say we're not in contact.
If I do ever open up, I am amazed by just how mnay people have or know someone who has really horrible families too. Sad, but comforting.