Who's been to Relate or other counselling on their own?

[despicableshe]

DH won't go to counselling as he sees me as having the problem, though he seems far from happy to me.

Anyone been to Relate solo? How did it go for you?

well, what would you like to get out of it?
what are your motivations for seeking solo counselling?

I went on my own after a relationship breakdown. My counsellor was kind and supportive and I found it helpful if not very deep. Why do you want to go? What are the issues you want to discuss?

I need some clarity. My thoughts are all over the place. Am I being silly and blowing things out of proportion as DH thinks, or was I initially right in thinking I can't go on like this (my closest friend, parents and brother agree). I might even be being gaslighted as after our latest row he's acting as though nothing has happened. Do I want to be married to him anymore? Would I be causing untold upset for myself, our DC and him without trying my absolute hardest?

These are some of the things I need to think about and hopefully counselling can help me see that. As you can see, my mind is a bit of a jumble at the moment.

I suppose I would like to discuss how I could have more emotional disciple, or tactics on being more assertive as I do think I have people-pleaser tendencies. I want to be less defensive, and be able to hear his criticisms (which are many) somewhat objectively.

It sounds like you could benefit from counselling, yes.

Bear in mind, though, that counselling is not about adjudicating who is "right" and who is "wrong". Rather, it is for you to explore your feelings and understand your own needs, which will be treated as valid.

The answer is not in the hands of some expert, but within yourself. And that is what the expert is there to help you unravel.

Good luck to you.

thank you, going to book an appointment today.

You could also post some of your issues on the Relationships board. I'm sure you'd get some good and honest advice there.