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Original poster

Dumped after sex

27 replies

Reese123 · 30/11/2014 22:36

Has anyone been dumped after having sex? I wasn't with the guy long and had been on my own for a few years. I feel really worthless, just wanted to know if anyone has been through this before and does that feeling of worthlessness go away.

And yes I would never jump into bed that quickly again.

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 30/11/2014 22:38

Yeah after 16 years. DTD and he decided to tell me.

Drumdrum60 · 30/11/2014 22:42

Why should you feel worthless? Don't do it to yourself. Don't let other people be the source of your self esteem. Sounds like you are well out of it . Move on to someone who appreciates you for you. He didn't deserve you anyway.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 30/11/2014 22:45

What an arsehole to do that to you!

You are not worthless, he is. It appears that you might have made a mistake by having sex with this arsehole but I expect he kept it well-hidden for just long enough. But that doesn't make you worthless. Not one iota.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 30/11/2014 23:47

The worthless one in this scenario is the one who knew he was ending the relationship but made a punt for one last shag. What a cock womble.

Lick your wounds and move on swiftly. People like that are worth fuck all. Certainly not tears and lost sleep. Thanks

CuttedUpPear · 30/11/2014 23:48

Yes, more than once Sad

I hope you move on quickly to a happier place.

dirtybadger · 30/11/2014 23:50

FWIW please don't blame "jumping into bed" too quickly. That makes it something you've done. You didn't cause this. He probably would have done it either way. You didn't do anything wrong. I have never waited more than 1-2 dates and it's never happened to me. Just a combination of judging someones character and luck.
Wait as long as you want to wait, but don't think "holding off" will completely diminish the chances of this happening. Some people will "persevere". Fuck knows why. Because they're shits, I suppose.

The feelings of worthlessness will go away. I hope you feel better soon and have better luck next time.

King1982 · 30/11/2014 23:52

OP, don't feel worthless. It was only sex. I presume you did it because you wanted to. I presume you enjoy sex.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 01/12/2014 01:11

I have, and it was after 4 months of dating! So it's not like it was a quick fling. I felt pretty bad too. But my next bf was the lovely one who's now my fiance, so I'm glad I got dumped. Chin up, tits out. I'd say "fuck him" but you already did! :-) You'll feel fine soon. I bet the sex wasn't even that good.

NEXT.

Queenofwands · 01/12/2014 06:46

It has happened to lots of my friends, repeatedly. Mostly when they have met via the internet. One was so upset she did some advanced stalking and found out he was married, not divorced at all. Same person has now met the perfect man....on the internet. It really isn't you, it's a thing.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2014 07:52

No... but I've dumped someone after having sex. I made out it was for some other reason but the truth was he left me cold. Confused Not trying to make you feel worse. Just pointing out that new romance is always a risky business, sex is a very personal thing, and rejection - before, after but hopefully not during sex - is part of the experience. Doesn't make you worthless.

LividofLondon · 01/12/2014 10:53

Yes I have. I'd been dating him for 3 months and in the afterglow he suddenly got up, got dressed and said he won't be seeing me again! When I asked why he didn't say that before fucking me he said "because I find women are calmer after sex"HmmAngry. Twat. I didn't feel worthless, but used and very very angry. It was just as well he got out quickly and I was too stunned to react or I'm not sure he would've had such a calm send off. It took years for the anger to subside, but it really helped when a few years later I bumped into him and he said he'd been so depressed (mainly about a failed relationship before me). I was really glad he'd been suffering, felt like karmaGrin.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/12/2014 10:58

Being dumped is never nice, but it doesn't make you worthless. And there is nothing wrong with having sex because you feel like doing so - when you start seeing someone, you are both discovering whether or not you want to carry on seeing that person, and sometimes having sex is a way to discover that s/he isn't right for you. That doesn't mean the other person is horrible (or rubbish at sex, either) just that s/he is not compatible with you and the best thing to do is call a halt to the relationship as civilly as you can and move on.

stubbornstains · 01/12/2014 11:01

Blimey livid! That's a pretty extreme example of fuckmuppetry Shock.

It's very common unfortunately, OP. I think it happened a few times to me in my wilder years (struggles to peer back through the haze of time, alcohol and recreational chemicals Grin).

But IMO it doesn't matter how long you wait, or don't wait- you can jump into bed with someone the first time you meet them and end up marrying them, or "hold off" and be a "good girl" for 6 months, and they can still bugger off (although I guess you've got to know them a bit better by then, at least).

Just try not to let it get to you. Hope the sex was good at least. Onwards and upwards! Smile

worldgonecrazy · 01/12/2014 11:02

Please don't feel worthless because this isn't about you, it's about him.

At least this way you found out early on, rather than investing several months in a guy who just wanted to add you to his list. If a man will dump you after sex on the first date, he will be the type of man to dump you if you don't have sex until the 30th date.

The only reason to have sex or not have sex on a date is because YOU want to.

Vivacia · 01/12/2014 11:17

Why do you feel worthless? Why did have sex with him?

CheersMedea · 01/12/2014 12:44

I've learnt two new fabulous words from this thread:

cock womble (what is that? wombles are nice!)
fuckmuppetry (muppets are also quite cute!)

OP - a hug to you. There is nothing wrong with you. It's just about finding one man who suits you. You only need one.

As Cogito says above, it's a two way street. If he'd turned out to have a teeny tiny tinkle then you may not have wanted to see him again. There are legions of stories from women on here who married their DH after sleeping with him on date 1 or 2. Equally, plenty of women who have been dumped after an early shag. It's more about whether you two click and whether you are both in the right place for a relationship in your life.

LurcioAgain · 01/12/2014 12:52

It's not to do with how many dates you "hold out for" (or any other "rules"-like phrase), but to do with the guy. I've had ONS that turned out not to be and led to very nice relationships, and one instance where the guy pursued me for 11 months, drew me in emotionally, only to head for the hills when he'd got the notch on the bedpost. All I can say is approach your sex life honestly, hope that most of the men that you sleep with will be approaching it the same way, and don't waste head-space on the minority who are dishonest about their motives. (Oh, and there will be some in there whose intentions were okay, but realised on the night that it just wasn't there - and sometimes the same will happen to you. That's okay too.)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2014 12:55

Can I clarify that when I said I dumped someone after sex, I didn't mean as he was putting his socks back on.... Confused? I left a decent interval of a few days before having the (totally fake) 'it's not you, it's me' conversation.

Original poster
Reese123 · 02/12/2014 23:00

It was date no 5 or 6 that I slept with him. I unfortunately have to see this person on a regular basis and the feelings of shame and worthlessness don't lessen.

It would have been nice and decent if he had apologised for his actions cos I would clear the air if he did that.

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 02/12/2014 23:29

What does he have to apologise for, exactly? I.e. How did he end it and under what pretence?

What about what has happened makes you feel shameful? Sad

Frogisatwat · 03/12/2014 06:47

If it was consensual he doesn't really have anything to apologise for.
There is no law that says man should continue to date after sex.
I sound like a bitch and its not meant to.
You didn't do anything wrong and he is a bit of an arse.
Hope you feel better soon

CogitOIOIO · 03/12/2014 08:08

I agree with the PP. You went out a few times, took a chance, slept together & now it's over but, because you have to see him regularly, it's awkward. That's different to 'shameful'. Was he very insensitive in the way he dumped you? Is he being unpleasant towards you when you see him now?

Unexpected · 03/12/2014 08:24

What actions does he need to apologise for? It's not nice that this has ended just after you had sex for the first time but it should not make you feel worthless. This is more about you than the ending of this short relationship. Are there other things contributing to how you feel?

gottafindaman4yagirl · 03/12/2014 08:32

Why men do and act the way they do will always be a mystery to me.
Sex is just sex and only becomes something meaningful if your both actually into each other and in a good relationship. And even in a long term relationship sex can become meaningless if the love is gone, I say this from experience.
You did nothing wrong and it was just sex, you may of liked the guy.
I dtd on first date and felt crap after he went cold but I think its more about how women are made to feel slutty for enjoying casual sex or sex without some kind of commitment. Men never feel tortured after DTD, probably wouldn't feel that crap if the women dumped him afterwards, unless you insulted the size of penis.
There's alot of advice about making a man wait. I dumped a man recently because we were not sexually compatible, we DTD on 2nd date and he didn't run afterwards. Glad I didn't wait months to find put he was not my ideal sexual partner.
Some things are not meant to be and its best you learn from it, think about why you feel so bad and how not to feel like this again.

RASPBERRYDIVA · 26/09/2017 22:17

Hi ......have just been dumped after having sex with a guy who I thought was really nice. We met at our local pub with a group of other friends I haven't dated for a while and he seemed very nice, very attentive we had a couple of dances together and we had a good laugh I got a little tipsy and I really fancied him as he was quite physically fit...at the end of the evening when most of the crowd had gone home we were stood outside talking for a while , nothing directly sexual was said by him to me apart from he kept telling me I was gorgeous and he jokingly called me his girlfriend and said he had not dated for a long time...( I did not realise at the time but he prefers a pint to a roll in the hay)...Apparently he goes for a pint straight after finishing work and meets his mates down at one of his locals)..anyway getting back to our first encounter..he invited me back to his flat I realised full well that we both wanted sex and so we did ....it was great as we did mange to have a laugh as well which helped a little with my embarrassment at being so bold and acting out of character as I do not engage in one night stands and I did not want it to be a one night stand.either..as he did say did I want to go back to his flat again later the same day in the afternoon....this felt a good idea at the time as I was a bit tipsy etc.....He paid for a taxi to get me home etc........Well can you imagine my embarrassment when a gir;friend told me that he told his mates the next day all about what we did the night before in detail......well I was dissaponted and cross at the same time....how immature and disrespectful he has been.....Question is....How do I get my own back or be able to hold my head up after this IMMATURE REVELATION ABOUT MY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH HIM...ANY HELPFUL COMMENTS OR ADVICE WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED

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