Birthday presents.

[M2DA14]

So my birthday is coming up very soon. I'm turning 30. I've discovered my husband has ordered a Steam Mop as one of my presents. A steam mop. I just don't know what to say about it. I feel very hurt and very let down by him. I am dreading my birthday now. How can I react like I'm happy with that as one of my presents. I'm also dreading to think what else he's got me. It's like he's making no effort whatsoever to think about what I would really really like. What does everyone else think? Am I being selfish and pathetic?

I think sometimes men genuinely think that practical presents like that would make you happy. If it's you who does a lot of the cleaning maybe he's trying to make the job more enjoyable and easy for you. Although I can understand why it would upset you, you don't know that is all he's got you and on the plus side at least he's remebered your birthday.

Could always treat yourself to something you really want, if you can afford it ofc.

I stopped leaving presents to chance years ago for precisely this reason. Please - urgently - have the conversation about gifts. Make his life easy by giving him a limited list of lovely things to choose from. Say how thrilled and grateful you would be to get any one of the things on your list. Tell him that you don't want him to feel at all nervous about spending lots of money.... you're happy to be indulged. And then hope to Christ he takes the hint and/or that the steam mop is for his mother.....

I got a toilet seat once

I would wait and see what happens.

If it's as bad as you fear, then you are prepared. Treat yourself and have a gentle chat with him afterwards.

If it's not as bad, then you will be pleasantly surprised.

Also bear in mind that not everyone places gift giving high on their methods of communicating love. You may just have a mismatch in your approach to gift giving.

Have a look at that theory of the 5 languages of love ( gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch) - ie. ways people communicate love summary here:

personalitycafe.com/articles/112444-five-love-languages-explained.html

He turned 30 earlier this year. I bought him a new coat, clothes and a very expensive watch. i guess I wanted a present from him that would make me feel like I'm a special person to him. I dunno how to approach the subject that buying a cleaning appliance as a birthday present is the worst thing (in my opinion) ever!
There's no chance it's for his mother. She has one already! Feeling very low at the minute and feeling stupid at the same time.

Is there any possibility that it is only part of your present?

You definitely need to give him a list. Tell him that you know he'll be worried about getting you something nice for such a special birthday so you thought you'd give him a heads up.

I got a car jack and wheel wrench for my 21st from then dp. It's gone down in legend. I did get a bunch of roses too, luckily for him. He's now dh and I've never let him forget it.

Sorry OP but you're married to an idiot. The 2 cardinal rules of gift buying for women (as far as men are concerned) are: (1) no lingerie and (2) nothing practical or housework related.

If dh does not know that you know, then mention to him that a friend of yours (invent one if necessary) got a dyson or similar for her b'day and how could her dh have been so stupid. Chuck in a couple of references to him now sleeping on the sofa and see if that has any effect.

On the other hand, don't be too hard on him. We've all done it (once).

Oh dear, if DH bought me that as a 'gift' I think I may shove it up his arse-sideways.

Agree that you need to give him some ideas & quickly or you are in danger of having a shit birthday.

My birthday is already gonna be shit. I know it's not the only "gift" he will have got for me. I have suggested stuff I'd actually like. But what does that matter. It's already ruined cause of the fecking steam mop!

Must just be me that would be made up with a steam mop as a gift
I would start dropping very hard and unsubtle hints about the gifts you would rather have then..., infact you can now honestly say that some woman in a chat room is angling to get a window vacuum for Christmas and how much you would hate to be given an appliance as a gift...

Maybe it's a joke present? My DH gave me a steam mop for my birthday. Aside from the fact I genuinely wanted one (though not as a birthday present) he got it because it was a bit of a running joke between us and it certainly wasn't my only present, so I wasn't offended at all.

I hope for his sake it's just a joke and he's got you something nice!

My husband wants s starter motor for the strip light in the shed, an led torch and a tyre pump for Christmas. He's REALLY excited about them. I imagine he'd think a steam mop might be a genuinely brilliant gift. You need to just tell him. Yes it destroys the romance of him magically knowing what's perfect for you but which man actually ever managed that outside of a film?!

I've had to make this kind of thing very very clear to my dp. He would love a steam mop as a gift and while I appreciate that one would be handy, he is under no illusion that should he buy me one as a gift, he'd soon be wearing it!

I too was going to suggest the, "Oh my God, you wouldn't believe what I've just read on MumsNet..." approach.

I wouldn't hold it against him, some people are happy with receiving practical "gifts". I think it's ok if you're not one of them though.

Usually because what a man likes & what a woman wants are poles apart broken ...

Broken -

the reason it's often suggested it's a bad present is because (from some perspectives) lingerie is basically a present for the man himself.

He's giving you a present to turn himself on.

Not saying I agree with this but that's the reason it's often considered a poor present.

I'm getting a new electric fire for christmas. DP also suggested buying me a new radiator for the kitchen as well until I threatened to shove it where the sun don't shine if he did. We don't live together so he is buying things for 'my' house, not 'our' house.
In the past I have had car wheel trims, a kettle and a new house phone amongst others so I shouldn't be surprised really.
He can't understand why I am not over the moon with my new fire, I've tried to explain that christmas and birthdays are for thing you want, not for things you need and that I want something to unwrap on christmas morning!

My belovedbought me a butter dish for my 21st.

Tell him before your birthday.

Something along the lines of: I know you have got us a steam mop but please dont give it to me as a birthday present unless you want me to steam clean your genitals

I actually am hoping for a steam mop for my 40th

Tbh, I'd be very about being bought clothes (no thanks, I'll choose my own) and as for an expensive watch I'd just think "what a waste of bloody money".

One woman's perfect gift is another woman's nightmare!

One thing both my bf and I have in common, is we were both bought Gucci watches by XSpouse, and both think they were a flipping awful gift. No thought, just "oh it's expensive and designer so it must be a luxury fab gift".

I've actually just told my fb not to bother with a birthday present because the early Xmas present of a door (yes, a door) is fab enough.

We're all different