Feel let down - Husband drunk, awol and 35 weeks pregnant AIBU?

[L00p]

Hi,

So I'm 35 weeks pregnant and I had to go to a friends 30th party in town. It had been arranged for ages and I gave my husband lots of advance warning. He had a work social event earlier in the day to attend a sporting match, but had planned to meet at the party at 8pm.

Ok around 8:30pm I speak to him and he's on his way, but an hour later he's still not here and he's a few miles away having stopped off for a drink with colleagues. I'm feeling a bit tired myself and so I told him not to bother coming to the party and that I'll just meet him back at home.

I get home a few hours later to find he's still out and the house is empty. A few more hours later and he's still not home and I can't get hold of him.

I can't decide if I am more furious or upset with him. I just feel so let down and I specifically warned him not to do this as he can be weak when it comes to drink and on a night out.

He doesn't do this regularly, maybe a few times a year - but his lack of control worries me especially with a baby on the way.

Am I being unreasonable? - I don't even want to see him or speak to him because i don't know how to deal with this. Am I being unreasonable if I ask him to leave for a few days?

AspieMan. Just so you know. When a man marries/takes a long term partner and starts a baby, he is 'owned'. Through and through. Not his time, not his head-space, not his body, not his money - nothing is his anymore it is all ours.
You'll find men who pretend otherwise, and women too, but I've told you the truth because plain, simple information is the best kind.

Am I being too harsh?
The other day I went for a scheduled growth scan and got told baby hasn’t grown as much as what she should have. We talked about the possibility of being induced at 37 weeks if things don’t pick up by next week (I’m currrently 35 weeks - baby is also breech) but I already knew baby could come a little sooner due to a few other factors with me physically which make me statistically more likely to not carry to term.
All of the above is fine. Can’t be helped. But naturally the above means I want to have everything sorted in advance ‘just incase’.
However the day I had had my scan (Tuesday) that night my husband took it upon himself to get drunk. Obviously this was at home because Covid brings the wonder that is lockdown. He’s been working crazy over time recently and I know he’s feeling the pressure so I didn’t object to him having a couple of drinks. But when he got to like the fifth or sixth I said to him do you not think you’ve had a bit much now. I think personally it’s for pretty obvious reasons. If I need to go to hospital I would much rather be able to get there as opposed to have to phone for a taxi and sit for the 30 minute ride wearing a facemask etc.
The mother of all arguments then broke out. I ended up sleeping in the spare room.
The next day we kissed and made up and spoke calmly about it. He agreed I was right.
The next night, he drank nothing.
Thursday night he said he was going to have a couple. Credit to him he had a couple. And then knocked it on the head.
Then along comes tonight (Friday) he was supposed to be working OT tomorrow but came home from work and said he’s said he doesn’t want to anymore. I was dressing the babies room and he wants to be part of that. He just wanted a night to be able to have a couple of drinks. Relax. Have some me time.
I have no objection to any of the above.
So he pours a glass of wine. Drinks it. Glass. Number two. Drinks it. Then glass number three comes along and I said I thought you were only having a couple. He said he thought he had tonight to get drunk and then he wasn’t going to drink again until baby is here. I said no. And obviously explained. Again. That if I need him. Which I might. He won’t be able to drive. So he stormed off. Got into bed. It’s only like 7pm so I gave him twenty minutes to calm down and then went upstairs to talk to him.
Got told where to go. Got told I am being selfish. I am ruining his life. I’m horrible. All he wanted was tonight. And I’m inconsiderate for going upstairs cause he’s working in the morning. I said I thought you weren’t. Apparently he is now. He’s arranged to go in because he can’t have a ‘me’ night so there is no point not going in now. I said I thought you wanted to do babies room with me. Apparently he doesn’t care now.
Obviously this upsets me and I left him again to cool down.
I went back upstairs to try and make peace again and got my head bitten off and told I’m horrible etc etc etc and he’s sick of me and I’m ruining his life and I’m controlling and he doesn’t give a toss about how I feel.

Naturally I did end up saying something mean. I said I hope I do go into Labour tonight cause he will not be attending the birth at all now or in the future. Obviously I don’t mean that and I do regret saying it but I snapped.
I came away and cried for a bit because I was looking forward to tomorrow together once he had said he was no longer working.
But I’m also not sure how many of these arguments I can take. I know stress and upset isn’t good for the baby but I can’t help but feel that way when things like this happen.
I just want to get dressed and walk out the house and not come back. I don’t know if I am being as horrible as he says but I feel like a horrible person.
I don’t know what to do 😕

@Cuppycake01 I'd start a new thread, this one is 7 years old and people will just read the OP and respond to that.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation oops. Sorry I’m new to this 😟

RESURRECTED THREAD FROM 2014.