How to get things going again?

[SarahManning]

I have been through a bit of a rocky patch with DP recently - we almost split up but talked things through and it seems a lack of communication was one of our biggest problems.

We decided that we need to do more things together and have some fun and see how it goes. Thing is, I'm not sure where to start! Have any of you been in this kind of situation before? How did you get through it?

Also, looking for suggestions on the type of thing we could do together - day trips, things to do in the evenings (other than the usual dinner, pub, shopping, cinema etc). Would really appreciate any advice!!

I think the best things to do together depend on the reasons why you went through the rocky patch.

Hmm, a big part of it was me being very busy and not being able to spend time with him. I guess I didn't express that I did want to - but didn't have the time. He took this as me not caring - and then withdrew a bit. Very very bad communication basically! We've both admitted that we are bad at it and need to improve, so I do have some hope that we might be able to work it out.

Would you go to a sporting event? I'm not into sport but we go to watch ice hockey and basketball matches and more recently rugby. Great atmosphere and a real feel good factor. We would get something to eat after which also means we have something to talk about rather than DCs or work.

What do you both enjoy?

Try going to something feel good. Like a gig, the theatre or a sporting event. Something with a lot of energy and action, plenty to watch and listen to, and lots to talk about. Some of the enthusiasm will rub off on you.

I understand why you're asking the question but I would have thought part of the process of improving your communication is not simply doing the fun things but coming up with what these fun things might be together. Treat it as a project. If it needs research, research it together rather than independently.

We both like things like live music and theatre - neither of us are really into sport. Not too far from London so I'm sure there are lots of things we can do - I'm just very bad at coming up with anything new and exciting.

You are right Cogito - it would be really nice to plan something together. I just thought it would be nice to do something fun and spontaneous (or something that appears spontaneous but has actually been discussed at length on MN )

I agree with the posters who dpsay you need to come up with plans together, as part of the effort to improve communication.

But if you want some ideas in the pipeline to make that planning go as well as possible, how about:

ice skating (at one of the London Christmas pop-up rinks), trip in the Eye, queue at a Leicester Square last minute ticket booth and take whatever they have, carol service somewhere special (try the Chelsea pensioners?), (expensive) drinks at the bar at the top of the Hilton, Park Lane (perhaps combined with trip to winter wonderland in Hyde Park), hike along a coastal path, ceroc class, tea dance?

Hi
my husband and I went on the Marriage Course, which was an 8 week course where you look at different aspects of your relationship each week such as communication, sex etc. There is no "communal sharing" you only talk to each other or ask one of the leaders for support if you want to. The room is set up so it's like a "date night" where you sit at a table for two with a candle and a flower and you're served a meal etc. We found it really helpful, it's not just for relationships in trouble but really you can see it as giving your relationship an MOT. Here's a link to site www.relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course
good luck