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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need a good slap!

10 replies

Lula2515 · 20/11/2014 23:02

Mum sister and aunty all think I should LTB......the majority of MN agree when I post.

Yet I just can't face it. Maybe he'll change? Maybe it'll get better? Maybe he'll love me more? Maybe I need a good dose of reality? Argh!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lula2515 · 20/11/2014 23:04

P.s. meant I need a good slap as in slap in the face of reality....not in any way discussing or trivialising DV xx

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 20/11/2014 23:08

Well it's up to you...not anyone else...but he is very unlikely to change or start to love you more...listen to your friends and family who care for you. If they are wrong about him that's one thing...if they are right about him though, then it sounds like they are loving you more than you are loving yourself. Good luck

emmalouise1091 · 20/11/2014 23:23

Try and picture yourself in 10 years time. Would you be happy being with him? If the answer is no then the heartache will be worth your happiness in the long run.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 20/11/2014 23:31

Just so tough thinking of my DS :-(

OP posts:
ninetynineonehundred · 21/11/2014 07:18

Oh Lula Sad
I really feel for you with this. Am in a similar situation and it's so hard to give up hope that somehow this time is different and they really get it now.
No advice but you are not on your own with this.
What's happening for me is that I'm slowly managing to change the way I see what I deserve.
It really wasn't me. It was him. I still feel very guilty and disloyal saying that but it's a massive step forward.
Valuing myself takes time but is slowly getting me to a point that I'm ready.
Take care.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 21/11/2014 11:44

Thank you for your replies. On reflection my post sounds so needy, sorry.

I know that if it were someone I loved in my situation I'd beg them to leave. He doesn't hit me, there's no emotional abuse as such, it's just not right. There's just not the love.

Ninety, sorry to hear you've been through similar but well done on changing your thinking! Xx

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 21/11/2014 13:24

What is he actually doing that is so bad your family think he should go?

ninetynineonehundred · 21/11/2014 13:50

You don't sound needy, and even if you did has it occurred to you that needing something is ok Smile

Be kind and patient with yourself. In some ways it's really hard when things aren't bad enough. I can honestly say (hypocritically of course) that whether you stay or end it, valuing yourself is the answer.

Tobyjugg · 21/11/2014 13:55

Maybe he'll change? Maybe it'll get better? Maybe he'll love me more?

Only if HE really wants to change and, given that there seems to have been little evidence of that so far, I wouldn't put money on it.

There's no emoticon for [a good dose of reality] so I'll send Flowers instead.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 21/11/2014 14:36

They just think he doesn't love, respect or appreciate me. He flirts with other women, we haven't had sex for months, he gets annoyed when I want to kiss him, he tells me small pointless lies and calls me mental when I confront him..he also a few months ago denied me as his partner and denied knowing I was pregnant when flirting with women on a business trip.

OP posts:
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