Ex Partner declared undying love...

[Ladyfoxglove]

... then posted blissful pictures on FB of him and his girlfriend of 3 years, her kids and their new amazing home.

Why, is the question I suppose.

We are both late forties (he's a bit older than me). We lived together in our twenties for 8 years - he was a dick so I left him. We speak about once a year as our families have links. His parents live in the same town as me.

I'm single, have been for nearly a year. He rang last Saturday night, slightly drunk and said he loves me, has always loved me, should have married me and misses me, wants children with me. He went on for over half an hour but never said he wanted me back or asked me how I felt about him. I dismissed it as a drunken call. He then sent a text the next morning saying that he meant every word and that he loves me and always will.

Is he poking me because he can and I'm there? What is he getting out of this? Is he trying to create longing in me?

Because he is a twat and can't hold his drink, sorry but it's all bullshit, maybe he's just looking for a bit on the side to run alongside g/f - he sounds delightful.

Bored, confused, angling for an affair... who knows?

Some exes just like to know they still have power over you.

His life may not be as shiny happy as it looks in pics.

It's handy confirmation that you made the right choice in your 20s, he is indeed a dick.

he was a dick so I left him

So, he's stil a dick. Who knew ?

He was (and is) a dick and a twat it's true, I just wondered if there was anything else behind it. I tend to be naive when it comes to manipulative behaviour so I'm curious if there is a psychological reason behind it that I can't see. Surely after all these years he would have asked if he wanted a fling or affair but he never does.

I mentioned it to a couple of friends and they just rolled their eyes so I'm none the wiser.

If you yourself are not a dick, it is unlikely you will gain any understanding. Just tell him to piss off and don't give it any headspace. That's what he wants...headspace. Don't bestow any special meanings on this sort of white noise.

Attention presumably.

I see. So he wants me to keep thinking about him so that, in his eyes, he remains important to me. OK, I understand now.

Sounds like he wants to stoke up a bit of drama. Maybe competing with 3 kids for attention isn't working for him.

I had an ex coming on to me in a pub a couple of years back, started off with the 'I treated you sooooo badly' and went on to 'I wish we could have a second chance' within minutes.
He didn't have a second chance after we split, never mind nearly 15 years later - mainly because I'n married but also because he was an abusive git.
I decided that he was (still) a twat with no life to speak of who was pissed off that I was happily married with my own house and 3 children and a damn sight stronger than I was when I was with him.
I wouldn't even try to analyse it any further than 'you are a sad bastard' tbh.

Mmm... interesting. I wonder if they are trying to get us to see them in a different light Idontseeanysontarans They know we think they are gits, which is why they are ex partners. Maybe it's to make themselves feel better.

OK, I will stop trying to analyse it.

As a good friend said to me; "Why bother?"

Sounds like you did the right thing in your twenties.