ExP just told me & DS he won't be able to pick DS up on 1st day of school -

[quirkycutekitch]

Trying to get ExP to commit to specific times & arrangements is near impossible. So today I ask him for about the 10th time what his plan is for Monday morning (DS first day of school). A few weeks ago he said he was having the day off, a week or so later he said he was having a half day - so I asked him today if he was having a half day & he said no I'll have to go after dropping him off. DS's 1st day is only for an hour so I said "so you won't be able to come & pick him up then?" He said no I've got a meeting. Queue a crying DS. I'm so annoyed and annoyed for DS! He always does this kind of thing!

Don't rely on him. He clearly enjoys toying with you. Set specific times and days and stick to them.

I'm sorry that he's messed you around. What a twat. Does he have form for this sort of thing?

But I think, moving forward, you have to plan things in such a way that you are not relying on him for school drop offs/pick ups. That way he cannot let you down.

Does he know that his shillyshallying around reduced his son to tears of disappointment? If not, tell him, and explain that as a result you are never going to tell DS of any potential contact until the last minute, and what a shame that is - and you will also make childcare plans based on the assumption that you can't rely on ex. The implication is that DS has a flake for a dad - if dad doesn't like it, he can step up to the plate and be reliable.

right.

from now on, inform him of the date and time of all key milestones and assume you're the only one that'll do it. don't plead, don't chase, let him miss stuff. IF he says anything say 'you were informed, you chose not to prioritise it.'

the more you show him that it upsets you, the more he'll hurt you by pulling the rug from under you.

this man is deliberately hurting his son to hurt you.

what kind of wanker does that?

gently explain to your ds that just because his dad can't make x,y or z means nothing about him as a little boy, it just means that his dad can't do it.

encourage your son NOT to base any aspect of his self esteem on his father.

the minute you show these wankers they are utterly redundant as parents, they either step up and job done, or they ftfo and leave you to it, without imcumbance/inconvenience and then you don't have to share decisions at all. you get to call all the shots!

kind of win win scenario

Thanks for the replies.

I don't think he's doing it to wind me up - he's always been like it. I could give you a million examples before DS and after.

Yes DS was in front of him when he said it.