Am I being unreasonable? Think my hormones are all over the place.

[Olive1987]

Cut a long story short. My boyfriend is going out partying/drinking every Friday this month and into October aswell. Which is fine, I think it's important he go out with his friends. But he's been invited to an 18 year old girls house party. We're both mid 20's. And I just can't quite get my head around why he would want to go? I've told him he can't go and I'm going out that night instead. He says I can go out any Saturday but he wants to go to this party. I feel bad saying that he can't do somthing but I feel quite strongly about it. I have reason to be paranoid as he has cheated in the past. This was a long time ago and I totally trust him now. I've just found out I'm pregnant and emotions and hormones are all over the place.

You say you totally trust him now, but you don't really, do you?

I can never forget that he cheated on me. And it niggles at me when he goes out. I think I know he wouldn't but I just feel threatened I think because it's an 18 year old girls house he's going to.

He's probably enjoying going out and drinking and people in their later twenties perhaps don't do this as much so he's got some friends a bit younger. Have you been invited too?

No it's a friend of a friend who I don't know, I don't want to go anyway though I'm just upset that he would still go. If it was the other way round I wouldn't think twice about going if it upset him. I guess men and women don't think the same.

Indeed. And therein lies the reasons for all the stress! Philosophically, you can't stop a man having an affair (if that's what you're worried this will lead to), you may as well let him get on with whatever he wants to get on with an snoop later. Maybe go out yourself a few times until late so he can feel how it feels.

I know, I spoke to him about my worries. Now I worry that if I say I'm scared he's going to cheat, he'll do it anyway cause I said he would. I've never accused him and I have no reason to. I feel a bit silly about the situation this morning though. I've said he can go if he wants I'll probably be fine about it nearer the time. He said he's not going now anyway.

If you have good reason not to trust someone, don't have them as a boyfriend. Not unless you want to spend your days torturing yourself wondering what they're up to. Simple as that. Life's too short to waste it on a cheat

Hi no I dont think your been unreasonable at all, every Friday night for 2 months is quite a lot. I dont think it will help matters if you demand he doesnt go as he will just throw it in your face. I find house partys the worse as theres more booze and god knows what flying about in my opinion so I would feel the same, also like you dont understand why he would want to go to a teenage house party.

I think the only way forward is to just explain to him your feelings and then go from there

I would consider any man in his mid twenties who goes to the house party of an 18 year old, is far too fucking immature to be in a serious relationship with anyway.

Also, you said this:

Now I worry that if I say I'm scared he's going to cheat, he'll do it anyway cause I said he would.

That's an insanely unhealthy way to feel in a relationship.

To be honest OP - you are pregnant with (I assume) his baby, and he is going out every friday night on the lash for the next two months? You can't trust him (properly), because he has cheated in you in the past, and no matter what you say, there is clearly some lingering doubt there - which is completely his fault.

And now he wants to go to some teenagers house party.

Is this the kind of person you're going to be raising a child with?

Really?

Agree with kaykay i do think it's weird for a father in his 20s to be hanging about with 18 yr olds, and it's definitely not my hormones. He just doesn't sound especially mature. And he also ought to respect the fact it makes you uncomfortable, especially as he has cheated in the past.