Am I right to moan?

[DeeDeeMe]

My DH and I have been married for a year and together for 7.

He's always been a drinker, am I'm partial to a drop or two as well.

He has a good job, pays for everything and we lead a good lifestyle (two foreign holidays etc).

He does at 50% of the housework and is clean and tidy and gets on well with my family. He also has a DS from a previous relationship who he sees every weekend and is a doting attentive father.

HOWEVER - he drinks every night, normally 3/4 cans and a bottle of wine. He's not angry or aggressive when he drinks, and he never misses work due to alcohol.

I just feel that he drinks way too much and when I bring it up we argue like cat and dog - given all the stuff he does right, should I turn a blind eye to his boozing?

Help!

Your first few paragraphs are irrelevant.

He is drinking too much and sooner rather than later it is going to affect his psychological and physical health.

Does he drinking affect anything?

He sounds like he does have a drinking problem, if addressing that issue causes a fight.
Is he aware of the risks associated with his level of drinking?
Could he happily go without for a period? What happens if you are ill?
His drinking levels mean that you are the parent on call every night. Has it affected how the children are dealt with during the night if they are ill or upset?

I think you should contact AlAnon for specific support if you are really worried.

Maybe moaning isn't the right approach.

I am sure he already recognises and is ignoring the fact that drinking to excess is bad for his health. he must also realise that it isn't normal to drink that much.

You need to approach it as being concerned, scared for your future and especially any children you may be considering.

Tell him you are scared. use "I" statements not "you drink too much, you are making yourself sick"

say "I am scared you may be damaging your health by drinking too much" " I want you to be healthy until we are very old" "I want to support you in cutting down on drinking" "I am worried you are setting a bad example for your son".

If arguments start about his drinking he is already defensive and this is a problem in your relationship - so the drinking is causing an issue - even if it doesn't affect his work or his health yet.

Have you considered refusing to drink with him?

But, remember, that his drinking is not your responsibility. You cannot fix it.

He sounds great. However, I'm not medical but but from a health pov would worry he is sailing too close to the wind. He won't have to go as far as to become an alcoholic to die from liver disease.

Does he drive to work in the morning, he must be over the limit?

You are only responsible for your life, and if DH wants to change, only he can do it. As suggested it may help you to voice concerns here:

Al-anon

He's arguing because you hit a nerve- he's trying to be in denial.

His limit should be 1-2 drinks a day ( depending on the size and strength) and at least 2 days a week with no booze at all.

There are plenty of online tools- try NHS for a start or other sites to monitor your drinking and he can ' do the quiz' to test his drinking habits.

You can also download a drinking app which will record- if he enters it- every drop and the alcohol value - so that over a week he can see how much he consumes rather than going by memory ( or denial.)

But all of this needs motivation and acceptance that he has a problem.