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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Age gaps what is ok what is not ok ?

45 replies

Lesj8995 · 22/08/2014 19:52

What's your opinions on age gaps ?

Is 20 and 30 ok ? Is 19 and 24 ok ? Is 45 and 50 ok ?

Feel like people always seem shocked when I inform them me and my oh have a 5 year gap but don't feel the age ago myself, why are some age gaps socially acceptable and some not as long as both individuals are adults? Feel like until I get past my twenties it will always be frowned upon....

OP posts:
iklboo · 22/08/2014 19:53

DH is 8 years younger than me. We got together when I was 32.

CatKisser · 22/08/2014 19:54

Oh people will always comment on things that aren't their own business.

Realistically, as long as both partners are consenting adults anything's "ok" however much other people choose to gossip comment.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 22/08/2014 19:55

There's an equation. Half plus seven years.

So a 50 year old can go out with a 32 year old. 32 year old can go out with 23 year old.

That's generally my rule of thumb Smile

Finola1step · 22/08/2014 19:56

It's all relative.

14 and 19? Wrong.
24 and 29? Meh.

Essentially once the younger person in the relationship turns 18, then 5 years is no great shakes.

HumblePieMonster · 22/08/2014 19:57

Does it matter at all?

Lesj8995 · 22/08/2014 19:59

The only reason why it matters to me is because I care way too much about what others think. Part of me that I can't really change I guess...

OP posts:
Perfectlypurple · 22/08/2014 19:59

Once you are over 18 I don't think it matters too much. 15 and 25 a big no. 35 and 45 fine.

firesidechat · 22/08/2014 20:00

A 5 year gap raises eyebrows? Really?

I must have been missing all the rasied eyebrows for 3 decades then. I was 20 and my husband 26 when we started going out and no one, not even my mum, seemed disapproving.

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 20:00

10+ I can understand some people raising an eyebrow at, but 5 years? That's nothing!

I'm 39. My boyfriend is 46. I don't even consider that to be a 'gap', to be honest.

Mouldypineapple · 22/08/2014 20:04

5 years is nothing unless unless you're teenagers.

There are 27 years between DH and I ... Works for us!

TheHomicidalPowerOfaTypo · 22/08/2014 20:04

I was 23 when I started seeing dh. We married a year later when he was 41. You do the math.

11 years and 2 kids later all is still good. Nowt wrong with an age gap if both ages are legal.

DownstairsMixUp · 22/08/2014 20:08

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MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 22/08/2014 20:13

OK my relationship must be creepy then. Started going out at 25 and 16 after meeting through a shared hobby. Thankfully we're happy in our creepiness as it had given us a very happy relationship and a beautiful DD.

maybesadie · 22/08/2014 20:19

The half your age plus seven rule is a good one, works pretty well. Because it really depends on what your ages are, not just the years between. But if you're over 18 five years is nothing, strange that anyone would be shocked at that.

I used to think age didn't matter, now I'm counting it in my list of red flags, after wasting years of my life with an abuser that was well into his thirties when I was 20. Wish I'd known better at the time.

Lesj8995 · 22/08/2014 20:20

I think it does depend on the individuals when the relationship starts before one of them is 18. Some 16 year olds seem so young but others are different.....

OP posts:
Finola1step · 22/08/2014 20:23

Would you like to tell us what's going on? Are you 16? Younger?

Lesj8995 · 22/08/2014 20:25

No 19 !

OP posts:
Flowerfae · 22/08/2014 20:27

I'm 30 and my husband is 53.. been married 10 years, and get along fine. :)

Mrwillywonkasbitch · 22/08/2014 20:29

My DP is 16 yrs older than me (I'm 30) and my ExH is 22 years older than me. I say each to their own but that documentary that was on TV recently was weird one 25yr old was dating a 78 yr old now that to me is abit sick

JoyceDivision · 22/08/2014 20:30

14 years between me and dh

older ones can't run as fast Grin

Life's good, age gap's irrelevant to us

Finola1step · 22/08/2014 21:00

So 19 and 24? That's nothing. So who is questioning the age gap?

sonjadog · 22/08/2014 21:06

Five years is nothing. When you are older you will realise that 19 and 24 are not very far apart. But I remember when I was 19 that 24 seemed a lot older. Ignore your friends. They will look back when they are older and laugh at themselves.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/08/2014 21:10

There was 11 years between me and exDP.

I do know a woman who is 30 and engaged to a 70 year old.

LittleMissRayofHope · 22/08/2014 21:45

10 year gap here. I'm 29, he's 39. Don't think about age though. I hardly ever feel like I'm 10 years younger.

An ex was 16 years older then me and I was younger so I felt that age gap and got a lot of raised eyebrows.
But at 19 and 24..... That seems perfectly normal to me!

DownstairsMixUp · 22/08/2014 21:46

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