Am I right in thinking these neighbours just don't like me?

[cleoteacher]

Posted about this before and general consensus was it was just clash in timings able to meet up and flakiness. Which I accepted and decided to try and make more effort.

I know this makes me sound about 11 but it bothers me and seems to be a regular thing which I want to sort out and find the reason for.

Anyway, moved house bout a year ago and was pleased to find two friendly neighbours in two houses next door with similar aged dcs and same age as me. Have always been smiley and had general conversations with both of them together or separately when seen them and some visits to soft play or each other's houses. Thought all good and on same level. Then found out they meet regularly one afternoon a week and noticed they seemed to have got a lot closer. Was confused after few invites via text messages which one of them Starts to me but then when meeting day comes no word. After posting on this thought well it's bad timings as I work that afternoon.

Then been bit stressful with building work and sickness so long period not seeing them or not being as friendly as should but always smile and wave.

Anyway on hols now and they both know it and said several times casually I am around on afternoon they meet so let me know if meeting up. They have only invited me once and is often see them going off together and seen them going out in evenings without dcs recently too . They don't hide these meetings from me when I do see them when chatting but I am excluded routinely. Why ? I try not to talk to much about dcs and be a laugh. I guess they feel they have more of a connection but this seems to happen to me a lot.

They are nice enough to me when I see them and do kind things like text messages with info about something I had mentioned or offering to look after animals when I am away. But knock on each other's doors when out playing on road outside but never mine even though can see I am in.

Should I just put it down to the fact they dislike me or find me boring? I feel quite upset by this which I know is silly .

They just might not like you, hard as it sounds. Stop trying to force yourself on them and find some friends who want to spend time with you

Maybe they just work better as a twosome and its just thoughtlessness? Doesn't stop it hurting tho.

Hard to say really. Have you tried inviting them both around to yours one day/evening to try and get to know them both a bit better?

But knock on each other's doors when out playing on road outside but never mine even though can see I am in.

Um, what?

Anyway, most people don't develop friendships with all their neighbours. There is an extra something above neighbourliness required for this to happen. I think they have developed a friendship between the two of them while their relationship with you is as neighbours.

I'd feel a bit put out too.

Waffly- yes I think that's what bothers me, I would really have liked to have become friends with them. One is very outgoing and friendly so I can see how she has probably been the one who has been the driving force in this happening with the other one.

I guess they do think it's better as a twosome but don't get the three of us wouldn't be just as good. I know other friends who fit into friendships which have been established and are invited in.

I have had the less friendly one round a couple of times and she never stayed long and I must admit the conversation in the early days didn't flow that well. But now I feel I know her better she has come out her shell more. Never had an invite back and felt she just wasn't interested in making new friends but obviously she is as made friends with the other girl. So thought about inviting both around but then changed mind as thought would probably make excuses
Not to come.

Again, you can't force someone to like you and you're coming across as a little stalkerish...watching them go out of an evening

I think you may have had a lucky escape cleo as I don't think it is a very good idea to be too intimate with your neighbours. For the following reasons ,if you or your DC fall out with them then you may have to pass them every day. It would be painful and embarrassing. Make friends further afield. Be friendly but don't issue any more invites unless they issue them first. Also It may be in the future that your DC become best friends with your neighbours DC and leave one of the other children out. S* could then hit the fan. It happens! If you have kept your distance all along then you will be able to weather this storm. By being too friendly you may have come across as too needy.. So keep your distance and I am sure you will be glad you did. Work on your self esteem issues as well. Everyone gets rejected along the way, I am afraid it is just life. Xx for you as I don't like to think of you being hurt.

Other than a polite hello and a mention of the weather, I wouldn't want to be friends with any of my neighbours, same work wise, I have my own personal friends that neither work or live alongside me, it makes life a lot easier and there's never a problem.

Why would you think they need to include you? You sound very needy, I'm guessing that could be a reason. If there is a reason.

They have known each other a lot longer than you I presume? It sounds like they are really good close friends with each other. I don't think it's because they are excluding you.

No they are both relatively new to the street and only moved in a few months before us. I guess seeing each other on a weekly basis would make you get close quickly.

I don't think I come across as needy as talk about other friends, days/nights out etc so not like a recluse. Just wonder how they think to meet/ text each other but why they don't think of me, when one used to send messages about meeting up and said free now on hols.

Maybe they just gel better together. Does it really matter?

I can see how this bothers you , but no one owes you a friendship. Your probably perfectly nice but perhaps not quite their cup of tea. I think they've made it clear they're happy to be on neighbourly terms and that's about it. I would leave it at that. Personally I'd avoid becoming too friendly with neighbours anyway.

It could just be thoughtlessness and nothing intentional? I would invite them both round, and go from there. If they don't come, you have your answer but at least you tried and of they do come, even better!

I know it is hurtful but really that's life, there are some people I would really like to be friends with who are just polite and 'cool' towards me and other people I don't really want in my life who are always texting and suggesting meet-ups. . Fortunately I have got a bunch of nice friends as well .

I think you just have to accept that you can't get on with everyone, these two have clearly formed a close bond. If you keep trying to 'edge in' it will make you look very needy.