Some help for a friend

[Chocolou]

My friend is 57 and just told me today she has been having an affair for 3 months. Her dh found out from her mum who since wants nothing to do with her dd.

She's leaving the home. Dh is devastated but she since tells me he is controlling, allowing her no money won't look at her naked, hasn't snogged her for 29 years and hasn't had sex for roughly the same time. Never knew he was like that. Obviously it takes two.

Want to give advice but don't know what. Would hate her to rush off with the first guy that's given her some attention.

Don't give advice. Listen to her. And don't judge. ("Obviously it takes two"? Not always true.)

Gosh no intimacy for 29 years! I'd have been off long ago.

I think she has done the right thing, in leaving and nobody deserves to be starved of affection for that length of time when married.

Advice to her is: grab life by the balls and run with it, have fun, it's never too late!

but she since tells me he is controlling, allowing her no money won't look at her naked, hasn't snogged her for 29 years and hasn't had sex for roughly the same time. Never knew he was like that. Obviously it takes two. I would take that with a large pinch salt. Search on here for 'the script'.

You will find all her excuses justification on having an affair on there.

Good on her.
At 57 she has years of life in her.

If half of what she has told you is true she's fully justified in dumping his arse. A lover at 57 years of age and happy for the first time in years! I bloody wish.....

There's nothing for you to do other than to be her friend.

How did your friend's mum find out about the affair I wonder? Also wonder why the DM has sided with the DH rather than her DD. I don't know how well you know her as a friend - is this out of character, for example? is she in the habit of telling lies? - but I think it pays to reserve judgement rather than commit yourself one way or the other on patchy information. If it was my friend I'd be asking if they needed any practical support moving out

The absence of punctuation makes all rather incestuous.

My friend is 57 and just told me today she has been having an affair for 3 months. Her dh found out from her mum who since wants nothing to do with her dd.

Your friend is 57? Today she told you she has been having a 3 mth affair? her husband found out from his MIL who wants nothing to do with the grand daughter?\

29 years of no hoochy-hoocy Im surprised shes hung round this long.

Never interfere in anyone elses relationship

No frank. Sorry on phone and trying to type quick! My friend is 57 husband a few years older. She told her mum she had a friend but liked him. The mum who is horrid to her told my friends sister who took it upon herself to decide with the mum that her husband should be told.

My friend is not a liar is completely honest and I trust her more than anyone.

What is the script?

Be an ear to her but dont get too involved. Sounds like she wasnt happy and has found some escapism

'The script' is shorthand for the pattern of excuses and rationales that unfaithful people use for being unfaithful. Ranging from 'it meant nothing' to 'I've been unhappy for years' etc.

What strikes me is that your friend managed to keep quiet about an allegedly bad marriage for so long but was indiscreet about the affair at quite an early stage - and to someone she knew to be horrible. People do bobble along in bad marriages for years so that's not necessarily unusual. But did she tell her DM because she wanted the shit to hit the fan, I wonder?

Tbh I would take anything that she said with a pinch of salt.

People that gave affairs can seem to have the ability IMO to rewrite history.

Be there for her if you want to with regards moving out, but I was on your shoes that would be all that I would be prepared to do.