How do I help my friend find her Mr Right?

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

I probably would say this but one of my good friends is a great catch but just cannot find a decent man!
She has a few relationships including a couple of long term ones, but they never work out - and to be honest, most people could have seen that from the start!
She just seems to 'settle' for a guy instead of holding out for 'the one'.
In her own words, at 35 she feels under pressure to find her future husband / father of her kids ASAP (which is why she 'settles') and has even said things like 'maybe he'll do for now and say the next 5 years, I'll get a kid out of him then see how it goes...' which to me is bizarre and quite frankly the wrong way of going about things.
Though I can understand things from her point of view - she really wants to settle down with a decent guy and start a family.

And I just want to help her but not sure how I can...??

She has tried internet dating before (and said she will try again) and I'm also going to try to set her up with a friend of a friend but just wondered if there is anything else I can say or do?
I saw her recently and she is was getting quite down and upset about this now (though happy in every other aspect of her life).

Unless she has specifically asked for your help I would steer well clear of any kind of matchmaking. Set her up with a friend of a friend and the danger is he turns out to be as big a knobber as all the rest :)

The thing she probably needs most after a few knock-backs is some confidence and self-esteem, not more pressure to hook up with someone. She needs reassurance that being independent is a positive and marvellous thing rather than - as a lot of single women unfairly get - some kind of social handicap or indication of failure. So remind her that she's a terrific person in her own right and that she doesn't actually need Mr Right/future husband/life partner/etc to make her life complete.

There's a book called 'Is he Mr Right?' by Mira Kirshenbaum that's short and sweet.

Men can smell desperation from a mile off, it's really unattractive.

My advice would be to tell your friend to relax and enjoy her life until the right man comes along. The way she is going she may meet someone, but they won't be right for her and she'll end up with a shit relationship, yes she may have the child she desires, but at what cost.

Women like your friend give us women a bad name, just marrying someone for the sake of it, solely to have someone to breed with, it's just plain wrong.

You can help her by convincing her that it's not only unnecessary to Have A Man, but that singlehood is actually better than being in a relationship, because on the whole it is.
Odd as it might sound, it's only people who are happy being single who are likely to have decent relationships, because they would rather be single than in a shit relationship and therefore won't put up with one.

Does she get out enough? seriously
I'm going to trot out all the usual advice:
-Join clubs especially where men will join- cycling, running, tennis, rock climbing, etc.
-Activity holidays - either for singles or for anyone
-Volunteering ie build a dry stone wall in a weekend.

• Volunteering long term- eg Samaritans, Phab, any charity she is interested in.

-Online dating- but also just trying to meet people of both genders to enlarge her social circle -Changing her job if she is in a small company where everyone is female or married -Working on her small talk skills- amazing how many relationships start in a supermarket queue , bus stop or train -Ignoring her biological clock- men will smell her desperation and run for the hills.

cogito yes she has asked for help and wants me to set her up with this friend of a friend. She comes to me often asking for advice on how to meet people / find 'the one'. I wouldn't do it otherwise.
I agree her self esteem probably needs a boost and I do tell her how great she is etc. and the plus points of being single etc. but it is her that is making it very clear that the thing missing from her life is a nice guy.
She just wants the family life that so many of us have / want and I can completely understand that.

blood thanks for that book suggestion, might be worth a look.

noIm I agree with you. I have said to just get on with her life and he'll turn up when you're not looking / when you least expect it. And Im totally against having a shit relationship just for the sake of it and especially to just get a child! Wrong and stupid.
I always say sometimes nothing (ie. no man) is better than something (ie. the wrong man).

solid I have said you need to be happy before embarking on a relationship and I think she generally is. As I said every other aspect of her life is ok/good. Again it is coming from her that she wants / needs a man to make her life complete.

pink thanks for that, all sensible practical advice. I might suggest some of those to her.