Threw his weeding ring at me!!

[moonshine123]

So my hubby has taken a wobbly and thrown his ring and front door key at me.

I told him that the old folks where I work are saying im having an affair with a man there 20 yrs my senior, im not by the way, I wouldn't have the back bone, im so weak!!

Anyway instead of listening to me etc, he went mad stormed out and threw his ring and key, im not sure I care too much, im fed up of his silly behaviour!! I am emotionally drained with stepping on eggshells!!

Sorry just needed to get it all out x

Sorry about spelling wedding

Would you want to have an affair with the man you work with?

No, not at all, im just mad that he even questioned that I would!

Huh?

Sorry, but your post is a bit confusing. Do you want to have an affair? Were you trying to get a reaction from your DH?

Are you OK?

Sounds like the 'affair' story was told as a bit of a joke? And it also sounds as though his ridiculous response is the latest in a series of OTT behaviours that have had you on the back foot recently.

Want to fill in some of the gaps?

Sorry I typed it in a rush before he saw me.

It was a rumour, there was no and will not be an affair but his reaction was very extreme, I would not react like that as I know he wouldn't cheat but he obviously thinks different of me.

I have been finding our relationship very controlling and now im paranoid of what people and him say/think.

I think im very fed up of not actually living to make myself happy but living to make others happy, hence why I have said I have no back bone x

Don't be too hard on yourself. Plenty of people find themselves the victim of a controlling bully and it's not always easy to a) recognise what's happening and b) walk away.

Irrational jealousy is a very nasty trait in someone. What else does he do that frightens you and makes you feel that you are being controlled? Have you been together long? Have DCs together?

That's not a good place to be in.

We have been together 13 yrs with 1 child, sometimes I think it is normal, he is so good in every other way but this jealousy and control is getting too much, but im scared to be alone at the same time, catch 22!!

He does smoke quite a bit of cannabis, not sure if that makes it worse or not x

Then that seems, from the outside, to add up to the need for you to consider your exit route.

You shouldn't be with someone just because you fear being alone!

And the weed certainly won't be helping!

It is possible to think any behaviour is normal if you've lived with it long enough. How else does this jealousy show itself? Common emotionally abusive tactics are things like monitoring internet usage, disliking you having friends, constant calling to check where you are, spoiling nights out by being unpleasant....

No nothing really like that, I don't go out on nights out with friends as he doesn't like that, he always asks who is texting calling etc.

He is so moody if I decide to stand alone on things,he is so used to being almost like a dad figure, thinking he needs to decide and do things for me, im really worn down by it all x

It's not healthy that you feel you can't socialise with friends and it sounds intrusive to be asked who you are talking to or texting rather than a normal level of interest. He's not your Dad. If he dislikes you having an opinion or taking a stand & if he thinks you're incapable of making a decision or doing things for yourself, then he doesn't regard you as an equal partner but an inferior. Yes, it's controlling and bullying. Most people would find being treated that way intolerable

I know that you are right, think it has been this way for so long, I accepted that it was normal, now I realise its not but what to do, it would mean changing everything in my life and im not sure I have the back bone now xx

I agree that it's daunting to consider big changes but you only get one shot at life. It's not - as my friend would say - a rehearsal. Imagine if the 11 year-old you got access to a time machine and popped up in you living room for a chat. What would 11 year-old you say were her dreams and ambitions? What would she think of the way you live now?

If you can't 'LTB' at least resolve to stand up for yourself and not be bullied. He doesn't need to know who is on the phone, so tell him to mind his own business. Go out with your friends... in fact, make it a regular date. If he pulls any more stunts like throwing rings etc., tell him to shut the door on his way out. Be assertive. Good luck

Change your life. Its worth doing, just for the fun. Yes, its scary but its also liberating.

Thank you, I have been given the kick up the backside I needed, just have to be brave now and face the reality xx