parenting after separation

[Asmeatlovessalt]

hello all,
my first mumsnet thread and i need some advice.
i've recently separated from my husband (I left him)and moved out of our house with our 9 year old son. My husband has struggled with this which I understand but he is not showing much interest in seeing our son, which i do not understand. He has had him for an afternoon so far and has refused to have him over night. I don't want to start being pushy as I want relations between us to be as amicable as possible but how long do I leave it before I start to insist on establishing a routine of contact? Also, does anyone have any ideas about my husband's legal responsibilities to contact with our son, I don't want or need money from him but my son needs to see his dad and, to be honest, I could do with some free time here and there.
Thank folks xx

If he's 'struggling' do you mean that he's very distressed, angry or depressed about the break-up? Would you be able to say more about the run-up to the split or why you felt it was important you left with DS when you did? (Many couples choose to co-exist for a while rather than disrupt children) And how long ago was it that you left?

Hi, thanks for the reply. At the moment he's a mixture of all the above, I had almost left him several years ago but we had opted to stay together and try to make it work. I've been on abti depressants for approx 7yrs now and decided to try CBT this was part of the reason why I realised the lack of love I felt in my marriage was causing my distress. I spoke to my husband about this approx two months ago and moved out two weeks ago. I realise this isn't a long time I'm just a little worried about his apparent complete lack of interest in spending time with and having any responsibility for our son

I think you're going to have to take the lead. Two weeks on I expect feelings are still very raw but it's important to get the communication going on practical stuff. Perhaps you could suggest a meeting somewhere neutral and start the ball rolling?

How much parenting did he do before the split? Was he an active co-parent or did you do most of it?

I think things take a while to settle down after separation, and if he is comfortable with afternoons, go with that with a view to building it up over time?

But in answer to your question, there is no legal obligation on a non-resident parent to have contact with dc, only to pay maintenance.

It sounds like the split was something you've accepted quicker than him so you're thinking in more practical terms in these early stages,if he's still angry upset etc do you want your son to see him like that?Has he kept in touch or dropped off the map?What was his role prior to the split with your son?