Finished with DP.

[Celestria]

Together a year tomorrow. Broke up by text.

People say actions speak louder than words dp.

You say you love me and want to marry me.

Your actions are spending stupid amounts of money on poker that could be put towards a wedding or our home together.

You don't contact me when it suits you and don't seem to care about mine or the children's feelings.

You say the kids and I are your world.

Yet your actions show we are actually very low in your list of priorities.

The phrase He's just not that into you, springs to mind.

I turn thirty in two months. I'm not where I want to be in my life and I don't appear to be in the relationship I want either. I want stability. Security. Not stupid manipulative breakups and questioning where I stand in someone's life. I want someone that is genuinely as crazy about me as I am him. I want a normal boring peaceful life.

So I am going to leave you to your poker and see if I might be able to find someone that does genuinely want me in their life and actually shows it in their actions.

Have a good day.

[Celestria]

Seriously though thisisnow I think he treats poker like the answer to all his problems. He thinks one day he will win big and be a high flyer. I play it because it's fun and I enjoy it. I have won a tournament but for the most I get put out half way through

[Celestria]

Definitely ehric. Whilst i would like a partner in the future it's not my be all and end all. My kids however are.

[AnyFucker]

Next time, if a bloke doesn't see his kids and slags off the ex RUN A MILE

[Celestria]

He didn't pay for them either. But had the cheek to say my ex should pay for his.

[ImperialBlether]

It's sounds as though you are a bit of a gambler yourself, OP, not just with the poker but with the way you've taken this man back again and again - talk about the triumph of hope over experience!

[Celestria]

No imperial. I don't gamble with my children like that. He caught me at a very vulnerable time in my life. I had just had a cancer scare and was a mess. Whilst waiting for test results I had started thinking that if I died one weekend no one would know or find me until the Monday. I became very anxious. I then had a reoccurrence of a lung infection three months later and dropped to six stone. I wasn't very strong at all mentally physically or emotionally.

And I guess a part of me didn't want to believe that I had made yet another fuck up. That if I could just be better then things would be okay and I hadn't messed up again.

I tried really hard in this relationship. Really gave it my all. I wanted it to work. So I overlooked things.

Then I had the breakdown. I was very very unwell for three months until the medication kicked in. I feel a very different person now to last year. I am very tired of the dramas in life and sought counselling for my self esteem issues. I feel stronger now.

[Belloc]

AnyFucker - absolutely. In fact if a bloke does either of those things run a mile. If he does both, run a mile and then keep running.

[Celestria]

I also think I had started to think I had too high expectations in relationships. That I read that many romance books as a child and had no real role model in terms of how relationships should be that I was giving up too easily.

[maras2]

7 break ups in a year was not really condusive to 'happy ever after' was it? Try having a break from blokes for a bit Celestria.Are you still blogging? Perhaps concentrate on that for a while but give men a wide berth for now.

[Celestria]

No I'm not blogging sadly. I have thought about it but I don't think it would be of any interest to anyone but myself and I'm as well to keep a diary instead.

I have had an interview appointment through the post for my counselling course later this month. I really want to help people and will be made up if I get a place.

We were actually a year together tomorrow. At least I can learn from it. Happy to take a break from blokes.

[GenuinelyMaryMacguire]

celestria, you sound strong and confident and I wish you every happiness. good things lie ahead - you're making them happen.

[Celestria]

Thanks very much. I deserve some happiness. There has been no response to the text which I was expecting anyways. If I hadn't text he would likely have fabricated something to excuse why he hasn't bothered to be touch. That's how he works.

I am having a lovely day anyways. The kids and I are playing just dance and I have some neighbours kids joining in too. I am making double braid loom bracelets for them and am due to go out and spend the night with my mum. I will be fine. I feel very much like I am drifting at the moment but college will change that for me

[Celestria]

Got a reply

Sorry celestria. Iv bin n my bed since wed nite, think iv lost my other phone. N iv not made my work. Iv not bin in a good place n my head. Sorry. Xxxxxxxx

So I resent the text I sent to his other phone and we are through. I let rip in a couple of texts but no more contact now.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Well done on standing firm.
Sounds like you are having a fab day.
Have a lovely evening with your mum.
Take care of yourself. Eat and keep hydrated.

[Celestria]

Entire packs of Oreos count don't they

I'm angry at the moment. Angry with him. Angry with myself for being angry instead of shaking him off like he does me.

Even the fact that the first contact he makes is by text. Not a phonecall.

Anyways. On with the day.

[Only1scoop]

You know you have fine the right thing for yourself and your family....

Nothing more to say don't engage with him in texts. It will waste your valuable time.

Good luck Op

[Only1scoop]

That would be 'done'

[Celestria]

What can I do with my engagement ring. It's only three months old. Cost five hundred. I'd like to sell it and put the money towards giving my kids a nice day out. He doesn't want it back.

[AnyFucker]

Sell it then. Make it an unimportant trinket that you can get something positive out of. The thing meant fuck-all (to him, anyway) so treat it as such.

Watch out for attaching too much importance to stuff. It wil undo you (like all the other times...)

[Joysmum]

Yep, sell it :)