Should i send cards to children of person i am estranged from

[goodevening]

A close friend did a planned act of such unkindness to me and my family that it actually made me ill, as a result I do not wish to see this person again and the feeling is mutual. However this person has a young child i adore and though i do not see her very often i do send cards and presents. I have decided not to send presents but i am considering not sending cards as i would prefer to sever all contact with the parent. I am aware the child is innocent and it is breaking my heart but part of me thinks the parent should take some responsibility and not expect contact. Any advice appreciated as this is tormenting me and i need to decide as childs birthday is approaching.

If the child is young, then it's not likely that it will pay much attention to the cards.

Crikey. Painful though it is I think I would stop sending the cards.

It's lovely that you adore this child and heartbreaking that you can't develop a lovely relationship with her, but the cards might make things worse. She may not be given then, she may be told every time that she gets one that you are awful/whatever her dm thinks of you, she be confused and upset by them.

It's all shitty though and I completely understand the dilemma. I don't know If stopping sending the cards is the best thing to do, just what I would do.

Upsetting though it may be, its not your child, so you don't really have the right to attempt to contact them or communicate with them directly. I'm afraid you'll have to walk away from this.

thank you both so much for the advice, knew i had come to the right place, i do not think parent would say i am awful but i do agree it would be confusing and it is an awful dilemma

Meant to say they will be expecting me to send cards and presents

No. If you are NC with the parent, you are NC with the minor child. If the child remembers you, they will find you when they need you.