practicalities of separating when you are not married and have a house and dcs

[allhailqueenmab]

I think P is either refusing to accept that it is over;
or just wants to make everything as difficult for me as possible.

We will need to sell the house.
Get new houses and sort out arrangements with the dcs.
I want some time over Easter with my family and our dcs and he is refusing to facililitate this.

what do you do when you are trying to leave someone who physically will not talk to you?
Do you just get a solicitor to write to him?
What a waste of money

any advice?

You can try a solicitor's consolation including letter, I paid £120 a couple of years ago, it may make him realise you are serious.

As you are not married, if you can't agree on shares of the property etc., a court would have to decide, so mediation may be a less costly way to resolve it.

Hope he stops being difficult OP, try the legal section on here too

Make an appointment with the CAB, they should know what he can & cannot do regarding the house & your assets. Once you know where you stand legally it will be easier to say 'this is what I'm doing', not trying to agree everything in advance so he has the option to refuse. If you then want to appoint a solicitor then go ahead, any strength on your side is good.

I know you're trying to be fair about it all & that is admirable but by discussing what you want you are giving him control. Tell him what you are doing over Easter, he no longer gets to decide what you do.

Its easier if he doesn't talk to you sometimes, it means you don't get all of the emotional selfish tirades & nastiness that can go with a split. Get on with knowing where you legally stand & he wants to ignore you then he's only weakening his position.

Thanks for the advice, rabbits and onetired.

After Easter I will get some formal advice. for now I am just keeping things simple, doing separate things with the kids, will try and see my family at some point.

after Easter I will have to get some time off work to look at this properly, moving etc.

It's weird, he is completely in denial.

I don't know whether he's heartbroken and in denial or whether he's a complete tosser, but from your POV it doesn't really make much difference. You can try to establish a dialogue with him, and I'd recommend you keep trying, but ultimately just do what you have to do and inform him of it after the fact, rather than trying to get him to engage. Being firm is not being horrible as long as you leave the door to communication open and it is his refusal to step through it that is the problem.

Be prepared however. He wouldn't be the first partner to suddenly be galvanised into obstructive action once he realises you are going ahead even without his co-operation.

Good luck.