I don't even know where to start, everything feels so tangled and messed up at the moment.
Firstly, I'm bi-polar, have been for years, and have it well under control. I don't even take meds for it, am no longer seen regularly by anyone, but have the support there if I feel I need it. It rarely causes any problems at all.
DH and I have been together nearly 10 years, married nearly 6, 2DCs, 4 and 6 months. After DC1, and my mat leave, we had lots of arguements about share of housework. Initially I wanted to be a SAHM, but DH pushed for me to go back to work, and I did. Changed jobs, upped my hours, got a really good balance, DC1 loved nursery, and we got into a routine with housework and everything was good, loving, and respectful. I'm now on mat leave with DC2, due to go back in August, and looking forward to it. He earns more than I do, but I'm in a role with plenty of opportunity to progress when I go back. As always, I do the lions share of housework / child care / life admin etc. DH has a littl more leisure time than me, but it's a lot fairer than it used to be, and we were both happy with the balance.
Currently though, I don't feel like he has any respect for me, and this is where it gets messy. It's lots of small (and some not so small) things that have piled up. Some of it seems really petty, but it's the underlying message of lack of respect that upsets me. Also, when there is an issue, and I try to talk, he stonewalls me. Gives monosylabic answers, or shrugs and says he doesn't know. Asks for time to think before he answers, then never raises the subject again, and gets huffy if I try to raise it.
He's looking to change jobs, went for one that would make our childcare arrangments almost impossible, didn't see the need to discuss it with me, and TOLD me he would be taking it if offered. When I raised the issue, he told me he was supportive of me going back to work, but we'd have to think about whether we could let me, if it meant the child care costs were too great. 
We argued about it, and I said that I didn't want to be a SAHM, I need to have some time each week to use my brain, be with adults etc. I love our DCs to bits, but I am a better parent when I can work part time. I have my name down for training when I return, to enable me to apply for promotions. I don't want to sacrifice my chance at a career, and be out of the job market for years. He said he could easily be a SAHD and didn't see why I didn't want to. He feels I have it easy while he works hard all day. (He has a skilled desk job, flexible hours, time each week for training or researching anything he fancies.)
Due to a miscommunication, we ended up having unprotected sex. We are using condoms at the moment, I thought he'd indicated he was wearing one, he wasn't. I ended up taking the MAP, and was ill for 2 days. He was very apologetic initially, but then got annoyed that I was still upset (not argumentative, just sad) and told me I was over reacting.
My birthday was a mess too. His birthday he booked the day off, we did lunch, dinner, a movie (he asked family to have DCs), and I got him presents/cards from both me and the DCs. For mine, he paid for the photo frame I found online for our hallway, and said it was from the DCs, and he got me a card. No present, no day out, no flowers, nothing. We finally went for a meal out nearly a month later, which I had to book. I wasn't after a big fuss, a mug and a card written by DCs would have been fab. If we didn't do birthdays I wouldn't have minded so much, but his has to be a big event, so why does mine get almost forgotten? He aplogised the day afterwards ("I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"), and said he'd make it up to me, and plan something nice for us to do as a family, but he didn't. At the time we'd discussed a lot of this over our personal email accounts.
We aren't normally secretive about our phones/PCs, but he got panicky when I looked at his the other week. Bit of a red flag, so I asked him why. He said that he'd been discussing a late suprise for my birthday with our friend, R. When that didn't materialise I asked again why, he told me that R had been telling him some personal things, and it wasn't right to share them with me. I asked why he'd changed his reason, he back peddled and said he'd been discussing a suprise too, but that it wouldn't have worked. This morning I asked if I could read the conversation, he shrugged and agreed. Nothing personal from R that I can see, also nothing about possible plans. But there was a nice section slagging me off. DH had forwarded the personal emails I'd sent him on to R so he could "see my rant for himself" He'd told him all about me being bi-polar, which I don't make publically known. He went on listing these imaginary symptoms I have, and basically blaming my condition for being upset at him acting like an arse. He roughly said that I was lazy, and flakey, lied about who did what for who's birthday (petty I know, but he's turned everything around and painted an awful picture of me to our friends) He also said that he would have to "push for a fight" so that we could discuss it all and clear the air, as that was the only way to get me to snap out of it "damn crazy wife". Gargh! We could do that in a civilised manner if he didn't bloody stonewall!
There are more examples, but this post is already so long.
If I tell him I feel like he has no respect for me, he apologises and insists he does, and that he loves me, and doesn't want to hurt me. But he paints a totally different picture to our friend. I feel like he's betrayed my trust by sharing our private conversation, and that he has no respect for me. I feel so lost and sad, I don't know what we can do to fix this.