DH won't tell me how much he earns.

[Katiejon]

DH won't tell me his total take home pay.
He is employed, but his salary goes into another account and he transfers money in to our joint account.
He won't discuss this with me.
Bills etc are paid.
What do I do? He is secretive.

Open his mail?

How are you fixed for money? Are you short after you've made your contributions to the joint account?

I think this is a strange one, in a way I can think of situations you wouldn't need to know, but I can't imagine being in a relationship where you didn't.

LTB.

Or more helpfully, insist on a discussion and ask him his reasons for not telling you. I can't think if any rational reasons but perhaps he can.

I really wouldn't be happy about this, was it never discussed pre-marriage?

Snoop? Why do you want to know?

Do you have your own income OP or are you totally reliant on him?

I couldn't stand for that, I'd be worried about what he is hiding.

Bizzare

What's his reasons for not discussing? To refuse to discuss or not give a valid reason for withholding the information is disrespectful to you.

Not something I could live with I'm afraid.

Why on earth would you not tell someone who you are in a relationship with how much you earn?

It just seems ludicrous. Surely your partner you would tell above anyone else.

My Dad is quite similar to be honest. He used to be very shady about it and gets offended if I/Mum asks. I think with me that is sort of OK although I have never asked him to be nosy/rude I've asked when there has been a 1% rise to see how much difference that would make etc.

I just find it bizarre not to tell your nearest and dearest how much you earn. What are they going to do - steal your money or complain you don't earn enough? Not likely if they are a loving partner/child/sibling.

I would always tell my partner, my parents and my children if they were old enough to understand.

Sounds off to me... Funny marriage/partnership...

Is this the tip of the iceberg Katie?

I dunno - my mum never knew how much my dad earned. I never really understood it, but the key was, she didn't mind. I think I would mind, and you seem to too...

Why do you want to know?

Wow, that was a qick response. Thank u all.
Am SAHM, no income of my own, so totally reliant on his income.
He is asleep now (baby wakes by 6.30 am).
I told him I wanted to see bank statements.
Being objective, I'm wondering if he has debts I know nothing about.

Is he paying maintenance for a child? Gambling?

How bizarre, are you reliant on him for money OP?

Do you receive the child benefit and any tax credits into your own account?

Big thanks!
Most of you think he is being unreasonable concealing information from me. Yes, I'm also wondering if this is the tip of the iceberg.
What else is witheld from me and what relationship do we have?

Sorry, cross posts, I think you have every right to know and see statements, how do you know the bills are being paid if you don't have access to the accounts? What if he got ill and you didn't know what money was where?

I find this very odd. My mum never knew what my dad earned but he was an abusive liar who had lots of affairs. What's your DH hiding?

I don't know how much DP earns exactly. I have a broad idea. But I have my own income.

On the one hand if he's not keeping you short - does it matter? On the other he could be hiding something.

Are you on mat leave?

I would not stand for this OP. It's not 1955 anymore...you're in a partnership and financial decisions should be joint.

My friend has no idea and she's helpless...he pays all the bills online and she has money put into her account monthly for shopping etc...if he dies or something she won't even know if he's got a pension or how to deal with it!

Why is he doing this is what I would want to know. Until you know his reasons it is quite difficult to deal with.

I think it would worry me too.

Why is it a big secret? I'd worry about debts/gambling/maintenance for an unknown child etc too.

No c benefit, he earns too much, but I don't know about his extra income from overtime.