DH won't tell me how much he earns.

[Katiejon]

DH won't tell me his total take home pay.
He is employed, but his salary goes into another account and he transfers money in to our joint account.
He won't discuss this with me.
Bills etc are paid.
What do I do? He is secretive.

[januarycat]

No, Im not the op fideline

[springydaffs]

I was wondering, too, if you are name-changing because you fear your H finding your thread.

Just for the record: he's not god. He's not your dad. He doesn't know everything about you down to when and how you breath. Yes you need to be careful but your namechanging suggests you think he knows everything about you and is omnipresent (if so, I can relate to this as I felt the same with my controlling abuser) (he also though he was god, omnipresent etc).

You don't need to skulk about OP. It does help if you keep to the original NN because then your threads are highlighted in pink. You haven't given away anything that is particularly identifiable - you've barely given away anyting at all that couldn't fit 100s, if not 1000s, of people.

[fideline]

Sorry Jan. I am so confused by this thread.

[WetAugust]

To either be open or to end our marriage.

I am shocked that you are even contemplating staying with him. Marriage is a partnership. You may ahve a marriage licenec but you have no meaningful marriage.

[Justeat]

Sorry I namechanged. Im katiejon.
I can't end my marriage as easy as that, we have a babg and 6 year old.
Im not the one buying lottery tickets!
I will tell him I want to know his income and sort out some other matters too, if he refuses then I will tell hjm I want to separate. I must take legal advice first, which I'm doing v soon.

[springydaffs]

You have already asked him many times to tell you his income. Please, play the long game, find out all you can first before you announce you want a separation.

[springydaffs]

I don't mean find out by asking, I mean find out by any and every means. This is your chance, you won't have much chance once you announce you're leaving him. (Plus, leaving a controlling relationship can be a dangerous time, you don't know how the controller is going to reacte. You need a solid exit plan and support re womens aid [for both].)

I wish somebody would come along and post a list of the documents OP needs! Perhaps post in [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters legal] katie.

It might also be an idea to do the Freedom Programme while you're getting your ducks lined up. Excellent course.

[springydaffs]

legal

[Sabbfm]

I have been 3 years with my boyfriend. We share bills, rent etc.. He always want to know how much money I earn, how much I pay for things.. i tell him because I don't have any problem with it because I have nothing to hide. Hes a mechanical engineer I know he earns good money but he refuse to tell me what's his income is. Create trust issues. I don't understand why he doesn't want to tell me and he doesn't give me any reason for it. He says I will not tell me. I refuse to be in a relationship with somebody that hide stuff from me and ask me to give him a résonne to everything he ask me though. WTH!

Advide ? Please

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Sabb - this thread is from 2014, you'd be better off starting your own thread asking for help

[Sabbfm]

Thanks Felicia

[socialengineering]

OP your not providing any extra context or answering questions!

Why does any extra money not go to his children?

How long have you been asking? And why do you feel you need to know so badly you would divorce? Maybe he doesn't get why you need to know all of a sudden and worried your attempting to divorce!!!


FYI, my husband and I don't have shared accounts, I agree that you should know what the pot is, though not simply entitled the lot.

My will and life insurance ensures my children own my estate, he will be paid a 'salary' from if worst comes to worst. But in no way will he or future partner(and her possible children) benefit from my hard work!

That sounds awful, but several friends of mine, who have lost a parent, saw their parent move on, usually with partner with children of their own). They then sold the family home and insurance money from deceased parent was then the new family's money pot and used up paying for other people's children, not in them or their future.

[Chamonix1]

Go back to work OP.
Tell DH he can pay the same % of his wage In childcare as you (i.e. He will be paying more if he earns more).
Ask him how he's got to do the 50% of the housework etc with all this overtime whilst you are there, as obviously if you're working full time those chores will need to be split.

I'd be tempted to bill him for x amount of childcare over the years in all. Going rate for cleaners is £10ph where we live also!

It is your business as if there's debt it's your debt too, transparency is essential when sharing financial affairs.
Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't thought about the possible repercussions if he's lying to you- if he's not lying what's he got to hide?

You've sacrificed your career (temporarily at very least) to bring up his children thus allowing him to have his own career, you've handed over your ability to support yourself independently and he needs to be honest with you so you can make your own educated decisions about your life!

[maras2]

3 year old Zombie Post