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Original poster

have to live with EXP but OW comes round to our house

29 replies

walkingthedogs · 23/03/2014 19:25

Has anyone else had to deal with this? Normally quite strong but for some reason today has been a downer. Have posted before but don't know how to link.
Have moved back into our house (jointly owned with no children) and have to put up with exp of 16 years bring the ow who he cheated on with me with for how long I don't know into our home, we have our own living rooms and bedrooms, but when I hear her laughing so loud for me to hear its just so hard. He brought a couple of very expensive bottles of wine and left them for me to see as he has now gone round her house (5 mins walk away) for dinner, has anyone else had to go through this and how did you cope?

OP posts:
CookieLady · 23/03/2014 19:31

What the hell?! I'm livid for you having to put up with that shit. What kind of ares wipe brings the OW into the marital home to rub it in his wife's face?!! OP, put your foot die. And say she can't come over.

AnyFucker · 23/03/2014 19:31

Is the house awaiting sale ?

bumbumsmummy · 23/03/2014 19:35

I'd have grabbed a bottle for myself can't you sell the house ? Surely this can't go on ?

It seems like a rather cruel and unusual thing to do

Dahlen · 23/03/2014 19:35

He's trying to put you in your place and/or get you to move out by making life intolerable for you. While it's his home too and to some extent he has every right to bring whomsoever he pleases back regardless of your approval, it's grossly insensitive of him and no one but a fuckwit would do it, especially when the OW has her own place where they could go.

A lot depends on what you want more - to escape this situation or to last out long enough to get a fair share on the house (which is what I'm guessing you moved back for). If the latter, the best thing you can do is just ignore as much as possible, maintaining an indifferent attitude towards him while trying to get the house sale through as quickly as you can so that you can both move on.

Huge sympathies though. THat must be so, so hard. Flowers

handfulofcottonbuds · 23/03/2014 19:45

What an awful situation to be in, it seems so cruel.

I'm not into any kind of revenge but I'd be very tempted to put a lot bit of laxative in any opened bottle of wine Wine

Original poster
walkingthedogs · 23/03/2014 19:47

We are not married and he won't sell, as I won't either, as he owns another house that's he rents but could move into. He wants to give me back my deposit that I put in and in his words to 'move on quietly' but this is my home and he is just trying to mind f##k to get what her and him both want, just wondered if anyone else has had to do this

OP posts:
StopItBob · 23/03/2014 19:49

What a bastard!

Pee in all his wine glasses and just wipe them dry with some kitchen roll. Make sure you keep your own wine glasses separately in your room.

handfulofcottonbuds · 23/03/2014 19:50

...meant to add that I'd hide the loo roll then.

Seriously though, he needs to do the decent thing here. She can't be worth much either if she's happy to be in the same house as his exP in this way.

NigellasDealer · 23/03/2014 19:50

He wants to give me back my deposit that I put in and in his words to 'move on quietly
just do not give in!
it sounds horrible - can you spit in the wine?

Dahlen · 23/03/2014 19:52

If it's a jointly owned house, then he has just as much right as you to say it's his home, regardless of owning another house. I know that doesn't seem fair when he's behaving like such a shit towards you, but he doesn't have to pay for his affair by giving you greater moral rights over the house.

If neither of you will sell, probably the fairest solution would be to rent the house out for a set period and then reappraise.

Personally, I think hanging on to the house under circumstances like this comes at too high a cost for you.

tribpot · 23/03/2014 19:53

Er, so you're basically locked in a battle of wills to see who cracks first? And given you have no partner to parade in front of his nose (and it sounds like he wouldn't care if you did), you're likely to lose.

If you're determined to put yourself through this, you need to harden your heart or block your ears, or both. They are likely to escalate, I think, in order to try and drive you out.

Is there a reason why you haven't consulted a solicitor to resolve the situation legally? This won't work.

cozietoesie · 23/03/2014 20:00

So there's no foreseeable end to this?

It's an impossible situation for you. Take legal advice and resolve the matter as dispassionately as you can or you'll be demented fairly quickly.

Original poster
walkingthedogs · 23/03/2014 20:06

I have spoken to a solicitor and do realise that it is as much his house as it is mine and yes it does come down to a battle of wills, I did move out and rented for a while because I was a total mess but it cost me five and a half thousand pounds, I only have a limited amount of my army savings to live on, half the mortgage here is 2 hundred a month where as a rented house is 850+ a month

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 23/03/2014 20:10

Keep looking, urgently, for a house share or something cheaper then. No point in having some money in the bank if you've been driven round the twist or are in jail for assault. (As I would be.) There is also the possibility that he might ramp up the pressure in some way if you don't appear to be cracking.

You need to finish this as cleanly and quickly as possible.

Lozislovely · 23/03/2014 20:19

Oh my god, what an awful situation!!! Why doesn't he want to sell - is it purely to be difficult or does he have other reasons?

I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I lived separately for 7 months in the same house as XH whilst we waited for it to sell (albeit with 2 DS) and it was hell.

Are you able to talk to each other?

On the face of it he must be an incredibly immature twat to want to put anyone through what you are going through.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/03/2014 20:41

If you are sure that the legal/financial position means that you need to share the house with your XP for the time being then start dating. You have as much right as he does to bring new partners home. You don't, obviously, have to have sex with anyone you don't want to have sex with, nor to you have to find yourself a New Partner, but there are plenty of basically OK men out there who you could go and have dinner/drinks with and then bring home for coffee. You say there are no DC, so there is absolutely no need to pretend you are a sainted madonna with a sewn-shut foof for their sake.

cozietoesie · 23/03/2014 20:45

The trouble is, SGB, that that could be the trigger for escalation - ie Ex then starts holding loud parties at inconvenient times of the week. It's also pretty hopeless for the OP to bring someone home just because they need to - to score a point - rather than because they want to.

NachoAddict · 23/03/2014 20:48

I agree with SGB if you can't get out, get even. I would get a hot young toyboy to parade around.

mammadiggingdeep · 23/03/2014 20:57

What a nasty man.

If you can harden a little bit I'd stay for as long as you can- he'll soon get bored.

Oh, and wipe his tooth brush around the toilet bowl. Too harsh??? Good revenge though....Grin

Longdistance · 23/03/2014 20:59

Erm, it's your house too, so you have a say who visits. That includes ow.

Like the idea if a hot toyboy Grin

ChasedByBees · 23/03/2014 21:02

Is there a legal way to force a sale?

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 23/03/2014 21:07

Any super hot army buddies you can have visiting the house on a regular basis, maybe even have some super loud sex.....so petty, but meh.

In the mean time, piss on his toothbrush.

Also, how about he buys you out of your share?

NearTheWindymill · 23/03/2014 21:09

That's disgusting and I feel for you; and actually also for her. Many, many years ago I met the most divine man at a ball and he invited to dinner at his flat. As an innocent 24 year old I was so excited and went. When I arrived I realised this was a home that involved children and possibly more. His line was that they lead separate lives and she was at their country house and he could do what he liked in his home. SW3!

At least as a silly girl of 24 without much experience I had the sense to pick up my coat walk out and hail a cab home to my barely furnished flat.

He is vile; she is stupid and really one can only pity her - but you know that, he's already dished up a shit meal for you. Be calm, be polite an remember that in due course, revenge is best served cold. Bastard!

bebows · 23/03/2014 21:32

How do you know he isnt using your toothbrush for the loo, or spitting in your cooked foods

SpandexBallet · 23/03/2014 21:47

I'm sure if you went to your mortgage company then they can force you to sell. Or effectively make him re-mortgage pulling half of the houses equity out as a lumpsum for you. Would that work?