My 9 year old daughter has no best friend

[Iamamazedicope]

My daughter is top of her class and doing well at school. But it's a small school and she has no 'best friend' or close friends that she sees outside school . After school she sits on her own on her computer and watches tv. She once had a best friend and they did everything together, but now she is a loner ,has no hobbies and refuses to try new things because she has no friends to do it with . I keep taking her to events and activities but nothing really interests her any more. I would really appreciate any mums who can share a similar situation and have any ideas to help me. I am getting so worried. Thank you

My daughter hasn't got a "best friend" either and to be honest, I prefer it that way. She has a number of children she is friendly with, who we regularly invite round to play. As they all have siblings, the number of reciprocated invitations is probably slightly lower than the number of times we have invited them here, but that's just the way it's happened.

Do you invite children round to play?

I presume that she has friends in that she talks to and plays with other children at school (rather than spending all the time on her own) so I think you just need to start inviting classmates to play after school.

Hello I'm afraid I can't share similar experiences but I am a Guider and was wondering if your daughter had tried brownies? If you find a good unit it can be very fun an rewarding and a great way for girls to make new friends.
Hope you find something that works.

I agree, have you had girls round to play? What happened to the previous friend?

My dd is slightly younger she has made lots a lovely friends by going dancing, swimming and the like. Do you think things like that might be of interest to her they are also good for building confidence.

Does she have a group of friends rather than one particular friend? For what it's worth I didn't have a best friend either until I was about 12. I was perfectly happy with no issues (that I can remember).

None of my 3 have had "a best friend" either, and, like others, I have never seen it as an issue.

Hi, thanks so much for your message. We do invite children round but they are so busy they are rarely free. Will make an effort to start again

Thanks for all the messages. I am new to mumsnet and so grateful for all comments

My daughter's last 3 best friends all moved awAy. Just awful bad luck I guess

That is bad luck, but I think she perhaps needs to widen her circle of friends, and have a group of people she is happy to spend time with, rather than perhaps investing everything in one? That way the impact of someone moving away isn't so noticeable.

I work at a school, and am often in the playground. I also have a 9 year old at the same school and I have to say that the girls 'beasties' often have little correlation to the kids they spend time with actually AT school. Dd only seems to spend a couple of days a week playing with her professed BF and That appears to be completely normal. I know it's almost impossible NOT to worry about our kids, but please be assured that the title of Best friend isn't quite what we imagine as adults. I'm actually pleasantly surprised at how most of the girls play with one another at some time or other during the week.

Busy and rarely free? Really?
Where did previous best friend go? Did she have no other friend since reception? How many girls in her class?

my daughter has just a very small group of people she plays with or talks about. has always been that way and seems happy in her own skin about it although it worries me as a teacher. so I'd say as others have try outside groups. my daughter dances, swims and adores brownies. brownies especially had been just brilliant as she goes away of sleepovers and mixes with lots of other children not from her school and gets her more used to social situations. can't praise guiders enough. or at least get her on a waiting list for guides which is from 10yrs old I think

Do you live in an area where she can go out to play and find the local kids?

DS(9)'s best friends mostly aren't in his class, they are kids in our street or the next couple of streets, ages range from ~6 to 12 years old and they all play together great (most of the time) in a group of 3 - 10 kids (boys and girls) with no arrangements from the parents.

We sometimes take 2-3 of the older ones swimming, or other parents take them to cinema, or invite to stay for tea etc etc

OP, is it bothering your DD? If not I wouldn't worry. Neither of my DD's had a special "best" friend till they were older than 9, they both just played with whoever they felt like playing with that day. Dniece however has had the same best friend since pre-school and is gutted when separated from her.

If it's not worrying your DD then don't worry!

Hi Oblomov , yes apparently they are all busy...! Very small school. Less than 10 girls in her class. Thanks to all the threads. Very tempted to look into Guiding .

My just 10yr DD doesn't have a best friend either. I do worry as her class has had horrendous (sp) mobilty issues and her last close friend didn't come back after christmas. She now saying that their is no point making friends as they just leave .

I have had to get the family workers involve as it effecting her socially. I'm hoping once she goes to high school things will be more settled.

Clutterbugsmum. My DD has also said there is no point is long another BF as hers always leave her. What do you mean by family workers ?

Fat fingers. "No point in having a BF as they always leave her". Sorry!

My son 10 had a best friend who has gone to a full boarding school and now he has mates at school mates at home in the street and mates at cricket football. I ask friends to stay they come he doesn't get invited back he is at quite a cliquey school and because I don't fit the norm as in single mum working full time I think he gets left out. He doesn't seem bothered so I have accepted that as long as he's ok I have to be too I wish it was different but it isn't he really misses his bf

Thanks for sharing Parsley1234. I don't quite fit in either , a working mum in a rural area with lots of stay at home mums. I sometimes wonder if that's part of the issue

OP, your daughter sounds like she could be depressed. Children can, and do, suffer from depression. The way you talk about her not being interested in trying things anymore, and about feeling like there's no point in having a best friend because they leave, do make her sound pretty low. Even if she is chirpy for the most part, she's clearly feeling very upset about this issue, poor little thing.

Yep it's tough fealing not fitting in I think the lowest point for me was at a bd party last year when all the mums were discussing who was having a sleepover and when completely excluding me luckily ds wasn't there I had to make my excuses went to the car cried my head off to dp who as a very straight talking northerner and went back pretending all was ok ! To be honest cant wait until he leaves prep and makes his own social arrangements with his own mates very sad x

Our school have 3 people who are not teachers/Ta's who are there to look after the welfare of the children and family. It's also known as pastrol care.

How do I determine if a child is depressed or not ?