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Original poster

Boyfriend of less than a year on dating websites!

60 replies

faeriesandflowers · 19/02/2014 20:12

Hi. I'm new here, my friends directed me to you ladies.

I've just found out that my boyfriend is on several dating sites, only one is certainly active, he was last online yesterday Sad.

Why is this? Just to look but not touch? For sex talk?? Can you love someone and want to have a future with them when you're talking to other people on the internet, maybe even meeting them? My friends have told me he can't possibly love me or respect me at all but our relationship is fine!

I don't know what steps to take now. I haven't mentioned any of this to him.

OP posts:
jadorecakesnbiscuits · 19/02/2014 20:16

Im really sorry to read this and cant imagine why people behave this way, im not trying to justify it but does he use this frequently or is it the sort of thing he does after an argument or when under stress because he fears commitment? selfish man.

Capitola · 19/02/2014 20:16

Well no, of course he doesn't love or respect you.

View it as a lucky escape and move on.

kimlo · 19/02/2014 20:17

how did you find out?

sounds like hes keeping his options open sorry

Cabrinha · 19/02/2014 20:31

Your relationship is not fine. Sorry to be blunt, but it isn't.
You just didn't know til now that it wasn't.

Who cares if it's looking not touching?
Or sex talk?

Neither of those is acceptable to a woman who values herself.

Don't feel into the trap of thinking that the internet isn't real!

Have YOU been looking on dating sites? No - because your boundary for a relationship says that that's not acceptable. You know your boundaries - so don't compromise them now.

He's shown that he's not committed to you - tell him to do one.

Original poster
faeriesandflowers · 19/02/2014 20:37

He does seem committed. We're talking about moving in together. I've met his children and his family.

I'm really confused by his behaviour.

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 19/02/2014 20:39

Dump. Next!

Original poster
faeriesandflowers · 19/02/2014 20:39

I snooped online after I caught a glimpse of something plenty of fish related over his shoulder when he was on his phone.

OP posts:
NaffOrf · 19/02/2014 20:39

There is nothing confusing about his behaviour. He doesn't love or respect you, and if you love and respect yourself you will dump him immediately. It really is that simple.

Please don't undervalue yourself. You don't need 'a man at any cost'.

BeCool · 19/02/2014 20:41

This wisdom is often quoted on MN and I'll pass it onto you now:
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Original poster
faeriesandflowers · 19/02/2014 20:43

so this isn't something men do then?

OP posts:
InPursuitOfOblivion · 19/02/2014 20:44

My dick head of an ex did this. Had all the excuses; forgot I was on there, just looking for a friend etc. All bullshit. He's hedging his bets is what he's doing. He's thinking 'You'll do for now, but there may be something better round the corner'.

Get rid and find someone new.

rach2713 · 19/02/2014 20:45

Not men in a relationship with someone no it's not

NoArmaniNoPunani · 19/02/2014 20:47

If you think your relationship is fine then you need to raise your standards. This is not fine

Logg1e · 19/02/2014 20:48

Not men in a committed relationship, no. Why would they?

Fairenuff · 19/02/2014 20:49

Your friends are right, he does not love or respect you.

Men like this never change, cut him loose now and he can spend all the time he wants on pof.

KingR0llo · 19/02/2014 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 19/02/2014 20:52

But it's not fine unless you both explicitly agreed to polygamous dating
Did you agree to be non-exclusive?hes still dipping it aboot
So you either put up with him being player or you split up

jennifleurs · 19/02/2014 20:55

Agree with others I'm afraid. 2 exes of mine did this. First one was LOs dad and did it when LO was 5 months old. A few people (and mutual friends) told me I was over reacting and jist talking isn't cheating.

But of course, it is. I knew it wasn't right.

Trust your instincts and if something feels wrong (which it obvs does as that's why you've posted) you'll know.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 19/02/2014 20:55

Presumably it's not something you would do, right? You wouldn't dream of it. Neither would a man if he was as committed as this one says he is.

Don't write it off as things that blokes do, it's horribly sexist.

In your position I would confront him, then end the relationship.

scottishmummy · 19/02/2014 20:57

Only confront if you can handle the fallout and inevitable excuses
Otherwise end it.he'll move on, he already has

Original poster
faeriesandflowers · 19/02/2014 21:01

I'm sorry, I must sound incredibly naive, he is such a nice man and I'm a bit shocked that he'd do this to me, we were friends before we were together!

OP posts:
Logg1e · 19/02/2014 21:04

There's no reason to think he can't be nice in lots of ways. He's just not good enough in this aspect.

Capitola · 19/02/2014 21:05

Really? No. This isn't something men do.

You need to hold on to your dignity and drastically raise your standards.

kimlo · 19/02/2014 21:05

hes not a nice man!

hes lying to you, and hes lying to the women hes talking too. Nice men don't do that.

KingR0llo · 19/02/2014 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.