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Original poster

What's the protocol for choosing godparents?

25 replies

DaisyB · 01/08/2006 09:44

Would like your opinions please!
My sil and bil are having their ds christened soon. Although we all get on really well and see a lot of each other, under the surface Sil has never really liked me (she is a very jealous person and sees everything as a competition - who gets on better with pil's, she doesn't have many friends and I have a good group from college etc - none of which bothers me at all by the way!). They have asked her brother (single) and my dh to be god fathers and a friend she has known for about 6 months to be god mother. Just wondered what the protocol is - is it the done thing not to ask couples nowadays or is she just being petty? Just wanted opinions as dh is quite angry and thinking of saying no to being god father and although I do feel a bit shunned I don't want to fall out over it.

Thanks

OP posts:

lemonstartree · 01/08/2006 09:46

I didnt generally ask couple's to be godparents because I felt it would be nice for different friends to be involved if you know what I mean.

beckybrastraps · 01/08/2006 09:47

It sounds reasonable to me. We asked halves of couples, IYSWIM!

Nemo1977 · 01/08/2006 09:48

we had 2 couples for ds and will have 2 couples for dd..however db will probably have seperate people.

Salamander · 01/08/2006 09:51

if you had close 'couple' friends then that would be the normal way to go probably
but if your 'best' friends were single, then that would be an option too

the whole concept of god-parents has drifted off into the midsts of time really

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 01/08/2006 09:55

my dd's only have one set of godparents each - both the same couple - my brother and my SIL.

We were asked to have 3 people ideally, but we couldnt decide, so opted for just the two of them.

They both go to church and are heavily involved in the social side of the church, and they were the best I could give my girls.

They take their responsibilities seriously, and for Jess's birthday, along with other presents, bought her a CD with kids hymns and songs on it and we love listening to it first thing in the morning and at bath time.

QueenPeaHead · 01/08/2006 10:09

I have never heard of asking couples to be godparents. Wouldn't think for a minute that she should ask you, especially as you know she doesn't like you much.
Being asked to be a godparent is a privilege not a right and you shouldn't have any opinions on their choice at ALL imo. Grow up.

satine · 01/08/2006 10:19

Why do you want to be a god parent to her child if you dislike her so much? This should be about the child, for heaven's sake, not your feud with the mother. If your dh feels that he is prepared to take on the responsibility then great, if not he should refuse. Shouldn't have anything to do with personal differences.

purpleturtle · 01/08/2006 10:22

You are family though, so surely it doesn't make much difference whether or not you're 'officially' a godparent, too? I think your dh could cause bigger problems in the relationship by making a fuss over it. If you're not bothered, why should he be?

EvesMama · 01/08/2006 10:24

i asked my best friend and not her dh!
then i asked her mum and dad too!
maybe i was called a bitch, but i trust my friend to look after my dd should anything ever hapen to me same go's for her mum and dad cos they practically brought me up..wasnt anything against her dh, just wanted her?!

fairyjay · 01/08/2006 10:24

I don't think you 'need' to ask couples - infact neither of my children have Godparents who are couples.

I think under the circumstances, you're best to go along with it (although I'd be a bit miffed too!), and no doubt friend of 6 months will disappear as time goes by anyway. I do think it is dangerous to ask new friends to be Godparents, as very few friendships really last.

LeahE · 01/08/2006 10:31

I don't have any couples as godparents. Neither do any of my siblings. Neither does DS (admittedly his are secular "oddparents", but still). Neither do any of my friend's children that I can think of (of those who have godparents at all).

MrsBadger · 01/08/2006 10:33

It's absolutely their prerogative who they choose to be godparents and no-one has any right to get snippy over it - your DH certainly shouldn't refuse to be a godparent unless you get to be one too!

I always think it's slightly weird having actual relatives as godparents - I think the relationship of being an aunt/uncle to the child is a strong enough tie that that they will have contact, support, birthday cards etc. Godparents always seemed like the ideal way to give the child friends and mentors outside the immediate family.

So never mind the godparenting bit, you can still be a fantastic aunt!

LaDiDaDi · 01/08/2006 10:55

I agree with thothers that it isn't something that both halves of a couple are necessarily asked to do. I mean for a start it's usually meant to be three people so you can't have both halves of a couple unless you specifically start to look for a couple and a single friend.

Some of my relatives had one half of three couples for their ds's christening and then the other half for their dd's christening a few years later. That did work quite well.

FoghornLeghorn · 01/08/2006 11:00

I don't think Godparents need to be couple's but I would be hurt if I was aksed to be a godparent to one of my nieces or nephews and my DH wasn't.
It is a very akward situation to be in though because I don't particularly like my brothers wife and would hate for her to have that sort of involvement in my child's life should something happen to me, I suppose it would make me not ask my brother as I know it would cause a problem to have one and not the other

ChocFudgeCake · 01/08/2006 11:18

Godparents for DS1 were two single friends; for DS2, a couple.
That's not the MAIN thing, but to be sure that the chosen godparents are the kind of people willing to PRAY for the baby DAILY . There are more 'duties', you can find out.

RubyRioja · 01/08/2006 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinosaur · 01/08/2006 11:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Cappucino · 01/08/2006 11:33

agree with Mrs Badger completely

I only asked friends to be godparents, family were already, well, family

and I did ask one person from a couple and not the other

but not for any evil reason

bran · 01/08/2006 11:40

I thought it was the norm to consider potential godparents as individuals rather than as couples. DH has several godchildren and I don't have any, which I'm quite happy with as I'm not religious. And when we chose godparents for ds we chose a single man, and dh's sil (his brother's wife) and never even considered whether dh's brother would be upset by that (I'm pretty sure he wasn't).

jasper · 02/08/2006 00:57

completely acceptable to only ask one half of a couple

jampots · 02/08/2006 00:59

bank accounts

fairyfly · 02/08/2006 01:03

If your allowed to shag them when you fall out with your husband because of the stress

Debbiethemum · 02/08/2006 09:04

For DS & DD we chose one single person & 5 half of couples, only bothered to explain to one couple that we picked her rather than him based on the vacancy (ie the other two godparents for ds were men so we needed a woman - though a bit more tactfully).
They did exactly the same when their dd was born and picked me over dh, though theirs changed at the last minute and the dd ended up with everybody - 6 godparents).
Didn't pick any siblings at all for two reasons, a) an aunt/uncle is just as important if not more so & b) it could have caused ill-feelings picking one over the other as though I only have 1 sister, dh has 2 sisters & 2 brothers.
A very cynical reason for not picking a couple is what happens if they split up, this did happen to friends of mine & their eldest ds now has no contact or ever will do with his godfather. (I am not saying that this is going to happen to anyone here or any of our children's godparents but it did cross my mind.)

suntan · 09/08/2007 21:53

Hello, well I certainly need some clarification for protocol on choosing godparents as I went wrong somewhere! (Sorry first time on Mumsnet so not clued up with abbreviations). I have just had the christening for my 3rd child this weekend. I had trouble choosing godparents as my first two were girls and we've never been short of females in circle of family and friends, but for my 3rd, we had to consider same previous godparents (which shouldn't really be an issue anyway) but 3rd time round, we thought we'd opt for my brother (with some trepidation as he's got bad track history - not attending my wedding, not attending my first daughter's christening) Anyway, it is a very long winded story ,but crux of it is he didn't turn up and sent a snotty letter saying his wife and him were very upset that we didn't ask her to be godmother (we chose 2 men and 1 woman). Is there anyway written that states that it is not compulsory to choose couples if you don't wish to as I need to gather evidence for my decision to choose solely my own brother and not his wife!

babygrand · 09/08/2007 21:55

If we're talking C of E, the person you ask needs to have been baptised, so you need to be sure of that before jumping in and having to retract the offer later.

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