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Original poster

another bad night....he said he was leaving me again then didnt...

39 replies

LittleBlondeNinja · 18/10/2013 00:34

Hi everyone, just looking for some hand holding/advice please. me and my dp have only been together for 6 months but things moved pretty fast he lives with me and my ds of nearly 3 and normally things are great but recently we have had these periods of arguing and he has tried to leave me multiple times each time resulting in me begging him to stay :( happened again tonight in the end he has gone and slept on the sofa - im thinking of sending him a little message just to make sure he knows I love him and I don't want him to leave because we are a little family now but im sure I should because of the things he has said?

Im feeling very wobbly and low right now, my self esteem is shattered and im literally on the floor. Any advice please x

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 18/10/2013 00:43

Please stop begging him to stay. It's not fair on him. But also it's not fair on you. You can't meet someone who really wants to be with you until you are free.

If he doesn't want to be with you you are not a family.

Sorry you're feeling low and lacking in self-esteem but this drawn out breaking up can't be helping that. You have more chance of building up some self-esteem on your own.

glastocat · 18/10/2013 05:33

Sorry, you are not a family and you need to let him go. Six months in is far too early for all this drama.

cupcake78 · 18/10/2013 05:46

If every time I had an argument with dh he threatened to leave it would drive me mad.

Do you really want to live with someone who does this?

Let him go. It's not healthy for either of you to be doing this. Find someone who loves you even when you fall out with each other.

ElBombero · 18/10/2013 05:55

Far to early for all this in your relationship.

What awful things is he saying.

Hope NONE of this arguing is happening infront of your son. Very very early days to be moving someone into his life... And now back out. I suggest this relationship ends and your learn to be alone and love and respect yourself again

PlatinumStart · 18/10/2013 06:42

Why would you keep begging someone who treats you with utter contempt?

You're 6 months in - you should still be loved up and happy. Get rid of him.

Squitten · 18/10/2013 06:57

You are not a family. He doesn't want to be with you. You've been together 5mins and it's over. You need to accept that.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/10/2013 06:59

You don't have to say that your self-esteem is shattered. It's clear from your actions that you've lost all your confidence. I know you're desperate for a partner and maybe a Dad for your DS but this man is not the right on if you're arguing all the time. He's not a willing part of your family and it's very bad for your DS to be in the middle of this dysfunctional situation. Please tell him to go, drop contact, and make rebuilding your small family and your confidence your top priority

ScaryFucker · 18/10/2013 07:18

Fgs, let him go. Your self respect will thank you for it. He doesn't want you.

And please don't move another bloke in so quickly, it's not fair on your son

ToucanBlack · 18/10/2013 07:29

'Normally things are great'
Really? Confused

You've been together 6 months, he wants to and leave and not for the first time? That is your 'normal'.

You need to let him go and concentrate on your son.

Lweji · 18/10/2013 07:39

Pack his stuff. And send him on his way.

You've been together no time at all and are already living together. - red flag

He's saying he's leaving, but then he doesn't. - red flag

It can only get worse, sorry. Even if you call his bluff and he stops saying he's leaving, he'll find something else to punish you. Don't let him.

VerySmallSqueak · 18/10/2013 07:42

I'm so sorry op.

You can cry for months to come over him with all this arguing and near splitting up,and live on an emotional roller coaster,or you can call time now,do your crying and get it done with.

I think you know really and are scared to face the finality,which is so understandable.

But give yourself a chance to be happy again.Because it doesn't sound like a happy situation that you're in now.For any of you.

colleysmill · 18/10/2013 07:48

Oh op I was in a relationship like this many years ago but reading your op made me feel all those feelings of complete and utter exhaustion all over again. It was only once it was over and he had actually gone (as opposed to idle threats of I'm leaving) I realised how hard work it is battling along and what a cloud I was under, even though my feelings were so strong.

Good relationships shouldnt leave your self esteem floundering - this alone would make me think its not right. Take control, have a break and then see if things seem so bad. Honestly I suspect things will look a lot different when he's gone

bluestar2 · 18/10/2013 07:53

You and ds are complete as a family on your own. This man brings nothing to your life.

Get rid before his actions for your ds to follow and spend time focusing on you and your self esteem.

NotYoMomma · 18/10/2013 08:12

6 months?

leave him, take some control.
that is a sorry state of affairs afyer 6 months!

LadyGoodman · 18/10/2013 08:18

Christ OP think of your child your relationship sounds crap and that's not fair on your lo.

LookingThroughTheFog · 18/10/2013 09:11

He is manipulating you.

You: I have a different point of view/want to do things differently.

Him: No, your view is not my view so is invalid/you must do things my way.

You: No, I'm right!

Him: If you don't retract your argument/do what I want, I will leave you.

You: I'm so sorry! You're right! Please don't leave me! You can have your own way! I'm sorry for stepping out of line!

If he's being this bad after just 6 months, imagine what he'll be insisting on in three years time. That's a long time for you not being able to express a view for fear that he'll walk out the door.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/10/2013 12:41

Next time just say okay go then. Honestly he thinks you are going to fall down begging him to stay so of course he'll dangle that possibility in front of you. Later he might take it a step further, run rings round you and disrespect you because he knows you will plead and not give him grief.

Sometimes when things move fast you think wow lucky me and sometimes clues that things aren't all going to be roses get dismissed because you're caught up in the excitement.

Consider now very carefully how things are, did his attitude change once he moved in, does he treat you the same way he did at first or is he starting to get bossy or lazy?

Tulip26 · 18/10/2013 12:45

Pack his bags.

He sounds incredibly controlling and manipulative. Do you want your son to grow up thinking that's how women should be treated? Pack him up and throw him out. Change the locks. He'll lose control and then he'll panic, say anything to get you back and within a week it'll be back to the same situation.

KringleCandleLover · 18/10/2013 12:52

I think you're going to have to let him go. From what you've said, dp really doesn't want you but you are pulling sob stories and kind of tugging on his heart strings which makes him stay.
Don't take this the wrong way as I'm sure plenty of us have been there, I have. Its heartbreaking when you love someone so much and they don't feel the same.
I seriously think you need to let him go

Tweetypie27 · 18/10/2013 12:58

Don't beg him to stay with you he will be lapping that right up he's got you right where he wants you and he knows it.
It's only been six months this shouldn't be happening after six months with someone you should still be in the honey moon period.
I would walk away now I can only see more hurt for you especially as he's calling all the shots here which is obvious to see.

Walk away now tell him to go open the door for him.

Viviennemary · 18/10/2013 13:03

I think you should just let him leave as he obviously wants to. And the longer he stays the more hurtful the break-up is going to be. Most people have been there and looking back you think why on earth did I.

SoleSorceress · 18/10/2013 13:14

Make the decision for him, pack his stuff whilst he is out, leave it outside the door and cut contact. Unhealthy relationship from day one if you ask me. I agree please think of your DS.

Andro · 18/10/2013 13:14

Pack his stuff and apply metaphorical boot to backside, your self esteem will not improve with someone like this in your life!

SoleSorceress · 18/10/2013 13:15

Ben there, done it. My advice is exactly what I did. He came back and I ignored the doorbell.

SoleSorceress · 18/10/2013 13:16

*Been

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