It's my 11th wedding anniversary tomorrow and we've just had a row and he said 'cancel the booking' I'm not going out with you tomorrow night

[Sarahlundismyhero]

He was pissed off that he'd come home and there was no beer and crisps in for his Friday night, Friday is my day off so I guess he expects me to get this sort if stuff in- I didn't this time as I didn't really think about it- I'd gone out of my way to pick up his 'urgent' prescription for ad ... And told him this.
Sometimes I really hate hate hate being with him and the way we argue. Not sure whether he means our anniversary is 'off' now
Sorry for waffling....not sure what to do- my 2 oldest ds sorta heard the argument and came in to give me a it hug and saw me crying afterwards - ...

He gets arsy with you because you don't buy him beer and crisps?

I would go out with someone I like tomorrow.

Sheezz. How did you make it to 11 years? I'd find a couple of BFs to go out with by myself tomorrow night now.

Tell him to get his own beer and crisps, the big baby.

Sorry OP you're having a tough time. Do you still want to go out for anniversary?

I would be very concerned about h being arsey because you'd not got in beer and crisps. What does he think this is, the 1950s?

He's a bit childish, isn't he? Is he always like this?

I know writing it makes me cringe- it sounds so 1950s !!! And I am a god damn feminist too! Thanks for your replies.. Long time lurker and have never posted anything before about my dh so receiving such replies so quickly made me sob! With the thought that others had been bothered to read my post...am so pissed off with him and then he has the gall to tell me that I'm going out along tomorrow night! What shall I do? I'm in the sitting room with a juicy steak, a stiff g&t and 'the Piano' DVD on- dh, and older 2 ds playing monopoly next door... ...I know it's nothing major- we have had our ups and downs but ffs! How do I play this one??

Fetches- yes he is a child when he argues- he is a child when he plays with the ds, so that's good, but this is the flip side I guess

Fetchez I mean

"he has the gall to tell me that I'm going out along tomorrow night"

This is how you play it - make sure you are not going out alone tomorrow night by arranging to go out with some of your friends.

He appears to have offered to babysit.

If he complains tell him you won't celebrate 11 years of marriage to a grumpy arsehole who strops like a toddler because you don't buy him goodies.

Tell him that your anniversary is cancelled until he gets a fucking grip of himself, stops being a dick and apologises for what a wanker he's been to you.

Whether it's major or not depends on whether it's typical of life in your house or not. Does he expect you to do it all like a 1950s housewife?

Coconut- yes he can be- and he had his lovely sides- he's very very stressed with work at moment- and having anxiety attacks - hence the ad prescription , but that's no excuse I know

I would give him until the morning to apologise and then do what JoinYourPlayfellows suggests.

Hope he does ap

Definately no excuse! I suffer from anxiety and am on ADs, but i would never dream of behaving the way he has done. I would cook up the nice juicy steak, serve it up with a lovely salad and enjoy it with a nice cold glass of wine, enjoy the DVD. Then make sure you go out tomorrow night, either arrange to go with friends or go the cinema, do NOT stay in and do not try and win him round, let him sulk - don't give him the attention he is seeking. If he has ANY sense he will be grovelling at your feet with an apology in the morning, however i would still be tempted to say "well you told me to cancel, i have and am going out with X instead" we will have to rearrange.

Oops

Hope he does apologise and you get it sorted OP.

Thanks for all the practical advice- really helpful- i will see how it goes and what he's like in the morning I guess- sometimes he is so stubborn and will not apologise. So tbh I may not get anything- but... Who knows eh??

Is this normal behaviour for him?
Are you both anxious about tomorrow's upcoming event?

Beer + anti depressants does an asshole make.
You've got two children - you dot need another one.
Find some time for yourself with some actual adults. Seriously you do not have to be his mother too.
He is responsible for his own reactions not you. An anniversary is not worth celebrating unless both of you participate.
Ignore until he grovels and do your own thing.

Yellow - it's not entirely normal but sometimes we communicate badly with each other and when we are having other stresses in our lives then things spiral I guess....he's particularly grumpy and down at the moment..and this is the result- we had a really bad one (row) about 8 weeks ago when - again on a Friday night after we'd both had long weeks- ( we have 3 ds's) and both work, which was caused by his anxiety and general shittiness- I forgave him for what he said that night to me but the way he talks to me in our argument is getting worse... Very abusive

Joinyourplayfellows- fab strategy ... Hope I have the guys to follow it thru

I'll hope that you get a contritely presented tea in bed with a flower tomorrow morning. You do need to talk more about things, though, from what you say. And in a calm situation, not an argument.

I think sometimes expectations of events like this can make things extra tense.
Maybe he's just being an unreasonable grumpy arse. I'm sure we all are like that sometimes i know i am
But that doesn't make it okay and you should make that clear.

"beer and ADs does an asshole make" really? oh

I agree- I think beer doesn't help his annoyed attitude- he'd been on a train from Waterloo for an hour home with 2 beers already before he walked in the door to find there were no more beers! The gall .. Then he moaned I was sitting around having a g&t and not giving a shit about him- I've had the 3 boys all day .