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Relationships

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Original poster

Got Date tomorrow BUT he is 10 years younger am I mad?

27 replies

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 17:51

Hi been chatting to a really nice guy online for a while now, previously he asked me out I said I dont date younger men , never have ...........he was so sweet and told me not to be silly so we continued talking ...........now we have arranged a lunch date , I am nervous and think am I being foolish or am I just flattered because of the attention?, I really like him and want to go but am feeling is the right way to go, have not told my best friend or friends about this because of my nerves! any advice would be helpful thanks.

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 22/07/2013 18:14

It depends how old you are. If you are 30 or over, do whatever makes you both happy and be damned to society. It's only a date, after all.

On the other hand, if you are 20, it could be a bad idea.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 18:16

No I am well over 30!, yea guess what your saying makes sense just wish I could get my head round it , feel like I am being totally silly regarding this , and I am Miss Sensible most of the time! thanks anyway.

OP posts:

TeenyW123 · 22/07/2013 18:17

My husband's 12 years younger than me. Go for it! Although I think perhaps the age difference bothered me a little at first and I showed off my toy boy, it soon became a partnership of equals. He was and is mature, caring, a good provider and an excellent role model for my son.

There were a few spats when my son was a teenager, but they got through it and I think the ultimate accolade was made when my son named his baby after his stepfather in full, surname and everything.

You don't have to look so far ahead. Just have a bit of fun and see where it goes.

Teeny

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 18:21

Aww that is a lovely story Teeny thank you so much for sharing , glad it has worked out so well for you , I feel paranoid and find it strange he wants to date an older woman he is so attractive he could date girls alot younger than me , sorry for going on it is all so new and he has totally taken me by suprise !, am excited and nervous thinking about it !, but yea I should go , because f I dont I will never know .

OP posts:

StrangeGlue · 22/07/2013 18:25

If you're 18! It's only a date, if its rubbish come and tell us and if its not - hooray!

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 18:27

StrangeGlue ..............................thanks! will do !

OP posts:

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 22/07/2013 20:04

DP 9 years older than me...........14 years later, can't keep my eyes off her.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 20:10

Aww thats so lovely ThingsThatMakeyouGoHmmmmmmmmmmmm , a BIG HEARTFEL THANKS!!!

OP posts:

Dahlen · 22/07/2013 20:12

I wouldn't let the age gap bother you per se. Compatibility is much more important than age. You will have a much better chance at a successful relationship with a younger but decent man who shares your outlook on life and your attitudes/values/interests than you will with a man of the same age who is a player and completely incompatible.

That said, if he's under 25, has never lived apart from his parents, doesn't have children, etc., just be a little bit careful. It could still work but the chances are reduced because most men in their early 20s simply would not have had the life experience to make an ideal match with you. That's not to say all men though. There are enough out there who have bucked that trend to show that.

The only thing I'd really watch out for, which you won't be able to ascertain until you meet in person, is that he's not one of a growing breed who have 'sleep with an older woman' as some messed-up version of a lad's bucket list.

Dahlen · 22/07/2013 20:13

Teeny - that's so lovely.

BikeRunSki · 22/07/2013 20:17

My mum was 10 years younger than my dad. He died a long time ago ( not age related). She is 10 years older than her subsequent partner; they have been together ages.

allaflutter · 22/07/2013 20:18

Op, just be careful. Sounds like you are after a relationship - did he clearly say (at least in his profile, if not to you) that he's lookign for a relationship? lots of younger guys online aer lookign for flings with older women, they aer genuinely attarcted but don't see it as long term. So try not to get TOO excited untill you know what he wants/how he feels. Until you meet you wouldn't know anyway whether there is chemistry, photos can be so deceptive.
Teeny, you wre lucky that he was happy not have a child of his own, I rejected a number of advances from younger guys as I knew that most would want dc when I'm past that - and didn't want just flings.

allaflutter · 22/07/2013 20:20

a bit of a cross post with Dahlen. Voices of experience

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 20:28

Yea he has not said what he is looking for but had a relationship for 18months with and older woman and said it was 'Fun' while it lasted , to me the alarm bells were ringing ............see just makes me so paranoid ............as he is in his 40s and I am over 50 jeeze I have huge cold feet feeling but thanks guys for your words of advice and experience , guess I will need to find out for myself.

OP posts:

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 20:29

allaflutter -your right i am looking for a relationship dont do flings .........too old lol!

OP posts:

allaflutter · 22/07/2013 20:38

best thing is, don't rush then, see if he has real potential by dating. If he rushes you, he's after a fling. You can as well be honest about wanting something long term, once you've been on a few dates and know that you definitely like him - you don't eve nknow that yet.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 21:04

thanks Allaflutter, yes i will not be rushing in, and I thankyou for your wise words about him only after a fling I will soon know, as you say where he is coming from, thanks again.

OP posts:

arsenaltilidie · 22/07/2013 21:58

Go for it!
40s and 50s are more or less the same in terms of life experiences.

However be careful with what he is looking for.

Dahlen · 22/07/2013 22:03

TBH if he's in his 40s I wouldn't even think of it in terms of an age gap. At your respective ages it really isn't going to figure much, and it's not enough of a gap (8 years ish?) to put you in the risk bracket of being old and infirm much sooner than him if you go the distance.

Just apply the normal common-sense rules about dating (i.e. healthy, non-game-playing ones not the 'Rules' ).

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 22/07/2013 22:08

Okay Arsenaltilidie I hear your advise and do appreciate it and will certainly be careful on what his intentions are, Dahlen, thanks guess i never thought of it like that before regarding our ages ...........does help me get my head round it !!, roll on tomorrow!.

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 22/07/2013 22:24

I agree, about this not seeming like an age gap. 10 years difference in the 40s and 50s is absolutely nothing. What I found creepy, when I was trying internet dating when I was well into my 50s, was the men in their 30s who contacted me apparently looking for a date.

I suppose there are women out there looking for a quick fling, but like you OP I wasn't one of them. But I would definitely have dated someone 10 years younger.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 23/07/2013 07:59

PigsDOfly, Thanks for that I do appreciate someone else perspective, as it has been awhile since i have been back out there!, it is a different world to what it was in my day ....................and a tiny bit scary but exciting to............guess nothing ventured nothing gained and all that!, I agree on the 30 year old yuck!, I would feel like their Mum lol!

OP posts:

TravelinColour · 23/07/2013 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Honeysucklerose · 23/07/2013 08:21

Travellincolour , well what can I say we all have our own preferences !

OP posts:

Spickle · 23/07/2013 08:44

I know two sets of couples where both men are the younger partner (9 and 11 years). Both sets are married and seem to be blissfully happy. And you can't tell there's an age gap at all. My DP is 5 years younger than me.

No harm in a lunch date is there?

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