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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please remind me again how bad this is

63 replies

spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 12:51

Posted about my boyfriend several times and received loads of excellent advice. i have only seen him once in 2 months because he just turned up. Every few weeks he becomes verbally abusive by text calling me a whore etc for having stayed in a past abusive relationship. he says i must have stayed for the lifestyle. Also he has said i don't deserve any sympathy because "if you breed with assholes shit happens. He has dumped me 5 times in a year but if i bring that up he points out he has proposed marriage so many more times. I am looking for the strength to say it must be over. because i haven't seen him in a while i am only thinking of the good times. He wants to see me this weekend and stupidly i really want so see him but haven't responded yet. Strength please. .

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 15:45

ok. . i told him i will not see him and we're over. . got this back

I don't love you. You're too selfish for my love. I'll be here for you as a friend but thats all. See ya

OP posts:
Lweji · 23/05/2013 15:48

Well, don't see ya (him).

Just don't reply to him.

SgtTJCalhoun · 23/05/2013 15:52

I love the way these men think that the be all and end all is their ring on your finger.

I had one like these. He was a controlling, aggressive doughnut and when I dumped him he said in an utterly astounded voice "you could have had a MARRIAGE out of this, I wanted to MARRY you!" like being married to this nasty bully was a gift on a par with the Koh-I-Noor diamond! Deluded fool.

JojoMags · 23/05/2013 15:53

Well done, OP. You ARE deserving of love. He is not. His behaviour is utterly controlling, even the nice bits were a form of control to keep you coming back for more, and trying to 'earn' them. That's sick. You are soo much better without him and so are your kids, if you have them. Well done, well done. Walk away and don't look back. Welcome freedom...

captainmummy · 23/05/2013 15:56

Well done OP. Now ignore, brush away and get on with your life. Hopefully he will disappear of the face of the earth.

Don;t respond. DONT RESPOND! Who cares what he thinks. You are not selfish, or unworthy.

Lovingfreedom · 23/05/2013 15:58

You don't need a friend like that. No more contact. Grin Congratulations! Wine

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:03

Thankyou. . been a long time coming. I do feel utterly alone though. After all. . he did "offer" to marry me. Selfish old me eh ?

OP posts:
BeCool · 23/05/2013 16:09

Good work OP - you don't need friends like that!!

Seriously, you are no more alone than you were before - but you are free of this head fuck of a man. I really do he drop off the face of the planet as far as you are concerned.

I have seen the Freedom Programmes mentioned lots on here for people who have been in abusive relationships. Have you looked into that? You can go to a group or do it online - might be a great time to do it?

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:14

i have seen it too. . i think i will do it. I read this smalchzy Facebook poster saying if life tries to teach you a lesson and you don't get it first time round it will teach you again until you do.

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:15

I think i am learning. Thankyou twunt 1 and twunt 2.

OP posts:
flippinada · 23/05/2013 16:31

I wouldn't bother responding to any of his texts. Don't engage at all. Block and delete his number.

Lovingfreedom · 23/05/2013 16:36

Tbh I think you might find it easier to make and keep friends if you don't have a prat of a bf hanging around making you and other people feel uncomfortable. Why not do the freedom prog in RL then you'll meet some people with similar stories.

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:39

Now he is telling me to go and be happy with whoever i am Fucking.

OP posts:
flippinada · 23/05/2013 16:42

Seriously, block and delete. You will feel so much better if you don't have to read his nonsense.

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:42

Just posting on here to avoid texting him back. . Feel like defending myself and reassuring him there is nobody else.

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:43

My phone won't block. . And too full to install an App which will

OP posts:
flippinada · 23/05/2013 16:46

I mean this in the kindest way - STOP ENGAGING!

Sorry for shouting but really, there is no obligation for you to communicate with him. Any response from you he will see as encouragement. So just don't.

Lovingfreedom · 23/05/2013 16:48

You could change your number. There is seriously no reason for engaging with this pathetic creep any longer. Really.

flippinada · 23/05/2013 16:48

Wyatt you need to do is delete some apps you don't use and make space for an app that blocks numbers. It's quite straightforward.

flippinada · 23/05/2013 16:49

Wyatt? Of course I mean what.

MadBusLady · 23/05/2013 16:50

He sounds totally out of his tree. If you can't block, think of his rantings as you would any other random nutter who suddenly decided to pepper you with abuse.

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:51

Trying. . Shit Samsung ace

OP posts:
colditz · 23/05/2013 16:51

Look, it's no good us yelling at you to avoid the abusive cunt like the plague if you are going to make excuses like " my phone is too full to download the app to block him with"

You know what we used to do before smartphones? Switch it off. Switch it off and leave it switched off. You can do it.

McBalls · 23/05/2013 16:56

Call your network provider and block that way.
He will only keep on if he gets something, anything, back from you.
The choice is yours whether to engage or not. And really, if you're still tempted or finding lame excuses to continue (not necessarily in the relationship, but just any form of contact) then you really need to start seriously concentrating on your own problems...it's not normal to want to continue with this sort of shit.

Original poster
spiritedaway · 23/05/2013 16:56

Thanks. . I haven't replied anyway

OP posts: