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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am right to say no to this aren't I?

66 replies

Mollymom · 01/05/2013 19:33

Exdp and I have been separated a month now. He hasnt yet moved out and dd doesnt onow anything yet. Exdp wants to take dd camping this weekend with him and ow. I do not think this is a good idea at all and want to say no. Am I right? The thought of this gives me a huge amount of anger. They willbe playing happy families I think

OP posts:
Lweji · 01/05/2013 19:38

The OW being there, I'm afraid you'll have to get used to it at some point. Sorry. :(

But, then he should tell your DD what is going on. ASAP.

Can you put pressure on him to move out, if he's playing happy families on weekends?
maybe even pack his belongings this weekend?

BitOutOfPractice · 01/05/2013 19:40

Hmmm. I think it's MUCH too soon to introduce the OW. How dos he plan on explaining to DD who the OW is?

How old is your DD OP?

Hope you're OK - it all sounds very upsetting

Original poster
Mollymom · 01/05/2013 19:44

Dd is 5. The plan is to tell her just before he moves out to hopefully reduce any confusion. Dd has never met ow up to now.

OP posts:
BreasticlesNTesticles · 01/05/2013 19:45

It's bloody dreadful!

Your dd needs to adjust to you two being apart. Then, he can introduce the OW. How confused will she be to see her father with someone else?!

He is clearly a knob.

wellcoveredsparerib · 01/05/2013 19:45

no,no,no! completely inappropriate and really confusing for her.

Choccywoccydodah · 01/05/2013 19:45

I think you dd needs to meet the ow before a camping trip this weekend. I personally think she needs to have met her a few times beforehand and she'll be extremely confused especially if she doesn't know about her parents not being together anymore.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 01/05/2013 19:46

I think it would be very silly to just expect her to be fine with it and go off with a woman she has never met!
You need to explain this to him.

Original poster
Mollymom · 01/05/2013 19:48

My thought exactly. How is he going to explain ow being there but not me? They are bound to be affectionate in front of her too arent they?

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 01/05/2013 19:48

Too soon and your dd doesn't even no her yet.
I would say no and keep it that way until this ow is a permanent fixture in your dd life.
You only separated a month ago, this woman might not be long term.

Choccywoccydodah · 01/05/2013 19:48

He's a bit of a tit tbh and clearly thinking of himself rather than his dd!

Original poster
Mollymom · 01/05/2013 19:50

Am hoping she is not permanent but suspect I will be wrong. she is half his age. Dreading if they have kids :'(

OP posts:
Thisisaeuphemism · 01/05/2013 19:51

Why hasn't the twat moved out yet?

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 01/05/2013 19:51

Nail on head choccy

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/05/2013 19:52

He is a complete and utter selfish dicksplash. Disrespectful to you and your dd and not really fair on the ow either not that I give a shit about that

That said I'm not really sure how you can stop him Sad I assume he has parental responsibility gor her, and as such can make decisions about her too.

Do you think if you explained why its such a bad idea he would bin his stupid plan.

What a nightmare for you, have you got plenty of rl support Thanks

Original poster
Mollymom · 01/05/2013 19:54

He hasnt moved out yet cos the place he and ow are going to is not available til the end of may-the financing of that may be a while other thread tbh. He did suggest asking his parents if he could go there but he doesnt seem to have done that.

OP posts:
Ahhhcrap · 01/05/2013 19:55

It's selfish and way too soon IMO

scaevola · 01/05/2013 19:55

DD is going to have to meet OW. But I think on a camping trip before the separation is fully effected is far too much, far too soon.

Original poster
Mollymom · 01/05/2013 19:56

Am hoping he will see sense but he can be very pig headed

OP posts:
ilovepicnmix · 01/05/2013 19:57

Completely right to say no. Crazy idea. Totally unfair to your daughter.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 01/05/2013 20:00

Crazy crazy idea.

Yes the OW may stick around and be introduced at some point but it's very very unfair to throw your DD into a full weekend in cramped conditions with someone she doesn't know.

She could find the whole thing so unsettling but have no chance to back away from it in a tent!

If he is serious about being with OW he needs to consider your DD's needs over his own "happy family" fantasy.

Spending time with your dads new partner should never be started like this.

What a selfish man :(

overtheraenbow · 01/05/2013 20:03

I would say no you are not happy, I spoke to my sol and she told me although I can't stop it I can object. I told my exp this last weekend and told him I objected and wanted it written for future reference . This seemed to make him a bit nervous ( perhaps I had more information about it as he is representing himself and doesn't have solicitor to advise him legally as he is tight as well as arrogant
Eventually after some pressure from me saying i assumed he was goin to ask the chn if they were 'willing to neet her' and IL's he relented and actually asked the kids who told him they did not want to meet her .
You could try the same. Though you may have to tell her first .
I agree it is rushing her op but he's doin it to make life easier for himself and her and validate the ow existence. My exh is doing it with all of his family too.

Squitten · 01/05/2013 20:14

Typical self-centred twat. He has his new life all ready so he'll just shoe-horn his daughter into it without any thought to her needs or feelings. Perfect.

Definitely say no

Original poster
Mollymom · 01/05/2013 20:21

Thank you all. Will try to explain it to him prob from dds view point. Fingers crossed eh.

OP posts:
PurpleThing · 01/05/2013 20:26

dd needs to get used to the idea that you two are no longer living together before she is introduced to anyone else. Different people recommend different timescales, varies between 6 mo and 2 years ime. And I would think it is best to build it up gradually not a whole weekend in a tent together (is it even one of those ones with separate bedrooms...?)

It's part of glossing over any guilt and difficulties he's caused by expecting everyone to jump into what he wants. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Skinnywhippet · 01/05/2013 21:40

Half his age!?

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