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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sex again.... not with the teen in the house

29 replies

dogsdogseverywhere · 17/02/2013 21:08

Have namechanged.

So... DH says we can't have sex with DD (15) in the house. It puts him off, she might hear him. Apparently we have to wait until she leaves home (DD intends to go to uni locally and will commute rather than move away). Fab.

I have no idea how to deal with this, has been 4 months since he said this (not that I'm counting lol), I can appreciate where he's coming from but neither of us have ever been moany groany shouty types during sex and I can't see that changing. Also have a younger DS but he isn't the issue as goes to bed/sleep alot earlier than us.

DD doesn't go to sleepovers, she doesn't go out much - very studious currently studying for exams.

Any words of wisdom appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 17/02/2013 21:10

Strange!
Was he twitchy about having sex with the kids in the house previous to this announcement 4 months ago?

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 21:11

He doesnt want sex with you, sorry. He's making excuses.

DH and I manage a perfectly healthy sex life with 3 teens in the house - never had a look or a smutty remark from any of them.

fluffyraggies · 17/02/2013 21:14

Ditto 3 teens here too. And it doesn't stop us

But people are different.

Original poster

dogsdogseverywhere · 17/02/2013 21:20

He has briefly said 'is DD awake' sometimes its yes and sometimes it's no but to be honest i'm now fed up with being told no so don't even suggest it.

We've even gone through a period of sleeping with the bedroom door shut (due to a cat trying to sleep on our heads!) so we'd soon hear if she was coming into the room.

Going to have to approach this I feel.

OP posts:

NettleTea · 17/02/2013 21:20

what happened 4 months ago to make him announce this? It just seems a bit arbitary if he was happiy DTD up until then? Any other suspicious behaviours??

fluffyraggies · 17/02/2013 21:29

It's natural to want to be discrete. But there's ways to do it.

All our bedroom doors are shut at night. Ours and theirs. If we hear anyone going across the landing while we happen to be at it, we stop for a bit.

The kids know they're not to walk in to our room if the door is shut and we're in there. Day or night.

Our walls are flimsy. We keep the noise down, and the bed de-squeaked.

Maybe you could show him this thread.

Original poster

dogsdogseverywhere · 17/02/2013 21:31

I think 4 months ago was the last time I asked and got told no and I said why. Nothing else dramatic that I can think of. I even suggested a bolt on the door but no, because then DD would just 'know' what was going on.

On the contrary DD has a very healthy attitude to sex and would probably think it odd that we didn't do it rather than if she knew we did!

OP posts:

NippyDrips · 17/02/2013 21:33

It is hard with teens around but I can't imagine not having sex ever again until she moves out!

SweetSeraphim · 17/02/2013 21:37

It's ridiculous. We manage it regularly with a 15 yr old and a 12 year old, and 2 younger ones. You just have to pick your moments. And have music on in the bedroom

I think he's making excuses tbh, sorry.

rubyrubyruby · 17/02/2013 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Startail · 17/02/2013 21:38

It sounds like a pretty dumb excuse.

The walls of my childhood home were made of cardboard, I knew exactly what my parents got up to.

I liked hearing them, I liked the idea that even 'old' people still enjoyed themselves. I even used to tease my DDad at breakfast. DMum always pretended to be faintly embarrassed.

MajesticWhine · 17/02/2013 21:38

Hmm, its a poor excuse. I suspect there is something else going on. Was he a keen participant previously? He could just be avoiding intimacy for some reason. How is he with kisses and cuddles which are not going to disturb anybody? Ir have those deied up as well. I would guess there is another reason he doesn't want sex.

NettleTea · 17/02/2013 21:39

But why would DD walk into your room anyway? I mean, my kids are 6 and 12 and they know not to come in unless the door is open (under the guise of us not liking being rudey awakened, but covers al eventualities)
FFS, what if she doesnt leave until she is in her 30s
What if she starts having boyfriends stay over later in ife - will the no sex with other adults in the house rule appy to her - good luck with that one???

MajesticWhine · 17/02/2013 21:40

Sorry shit typing - I mean if they have dried up

fluffyraggies · 17/02/2013 21:41

Sorry to generalise, but for a bloke to say he's giving up sex for x years, then there is something fairly major going on.

Either a serious over reaction to his DD hearing the pair of you, or he is using it as an excuse :(

rubyrubyruby · 17/02/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumsyblouse · 17/02/2013 21:45

Could it be possible he's having difficulties in that area and is blaming it on an external factor (as he gets older, things do get floppier)?

There are loads of suggestions, have a film on, music, get a lock, lock the door (or just lock it when you want to be alone for any reason, thereby not only locking it as a signal for sex if he is that paranoid).

But that doesn't seem to be the heart of the matter, you need to find out what is going on.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 17/02/2013 21:47

Bloke here.

Very odd. Basically saying no sex for next 3 - 4 years. I don't think so.

Something else going on here.

MolotovCocktail · 17/02/2013 21:48

I'll be 41 when our DD1 is 15yo. Still alive, still with needs, no doubt still wanting sex. You need to talk to your DH because his attitude is weird from what I can gather. It's fine should be want to be discrete, but you can't stop living your life just because your DD might hear you.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2013 21:48

why is he making ridiculous excuses to not have sex with you ?

you are not being told the whole truth here

we have two teenagers in the house and still manage a regular and varied sex life

they know we have sex..tbh, they stay out of the way because they find it embarassing (without having been witness to anything inappropriate as far as I know)

your 15yo knows about sex

your husband trying to give the message that two people in a loving relationship never do it is fucked up, quite honestly

momb · 17/02/2013 21:50

I think he has other problems that he is embarrassed to talk about. It is absolutely normal that he woudln't want your daughter hearing you but as you aren't shouty people then there is another reason. If he won't talk to you then he needs to talk to someone else. This is really sad for him (both of you).
Do you hug and kiss in front of your children? When your daughter eventually leaves home your son will be old enough to be up late. He can't honestly be suggesting you don't get intimate for 10 years unless there is something else worrying him.

Original poster

dogsdogseverywhere · 17/02/2013 21:52

anyfucker i suspect you have hit the nail on the head, he had very bizarre upbringing, his parents never had sex of course he was the immaculate conception. He hates the fact I am open about sex with DD and I suspect he would like to have a no sex ban when she is old enough to have boyfriends stay over (but didn't mind her having a double bed I do hasten to add DD doesn't have boyfriends stay over now bearing in mind she is 15 lol)

When he said it I kind of thought the urge would overtake his worry of DD hearing something but obviously not I also wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable but obviously not as lots of you still managing a decent sex life with children/teens in the house.

Oh, and if DD was heading for our room I would expect it to be an emergency or she was sleep walking again as she never comes in otherwise.

OP posts:

chocolatespiders · 17/02/2013 21:54

you can be intimate without wall banging sex? Mutual masturbation is useful when children are around

Lueji · 17/02/2013 21:56

I'm sure walking in on you is the last thing DD would want.

And I suspect early morning sex would be safe anyway.
:)

Original poster

dogsdogseverywhere · 17/02/2013 22:02

Thank you for all your comments, you've made me realise I am not being unreasonable here.

I think a chat is in order, not looking forward to that but not looking forward to no sex forever either

OP posts:

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