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Original poster

DH has no interest in sex at all !

45 replies

wondawoman1 · 08/02/2013 22:02

Well, maybe I'm over-reacting but I'm really fed up with hubbie as since our Dd arrived 7 months ago we've only done the deed 3 times! I've always been the one to instigate things and to be honest I'm really fed up with the rejection. Had a lovely straightforward birth and was ready to start having sex again three weeks after; but he always makes up the excuse he is tired !! He works full time and enjoys his job, it's stressful but he's always managed before. He's not having an affair as he's always home; he drinks moderately and I'm in no doubt this is having an impact . Sorry for long winded thread :(

OP posts:
SuperGlumFairy · 08/02/2013 22:49

Is it possible he is depressed at all? That can have a massive impact on libido.

SoleSource · 08/02/2013 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OxfordBags · 08/02/2013 23:07

Seriously, Solesource? Seriously?

SoleSource · 08/02/2013 23:10

why not?

Bowlersarm · 08/02/2013 23:10

Well no one is tighter after giving birth SoleSource surely?

Whatshappenedtous · 08/02/2013 23:12

You seriously asked if OP is loose???!!!BlushBlushBlushHmm

SoleSource · 08/02/2013 23:12

I was after a CS.

ThisIsMummyPig · 08/02/2013 23:13

My DH got a bit upset - I think he saw more when I gave birth than he really wanted to. However, I find he only wants to have sex when the children are at my mothers. This only happens in the school holidays, so we hardly ever have sex. I've kind of got used to it now.

badinage · 08/02/2013 23:26

Avante-garde though this suggestion might be, have you tried er...talking to him about it?

Or would you rather get some more of this dubious wisdom about your pelvic floor and poor ickle mens' squeamishness at seeing their children born?

SoleSource · 08/02/2013 23:29

Oh purleeease

OxfordBags · 08/02/2013 23:30

Mummypig, does your vagina magically return to its pre-childbirth state when the children are more than a mile away from you? He sounds a real catch.

Fallenangle · 08/02/2013 23:33

Badinage Are you new here? This is how it works. OP posts her problem, everyone else piles in with advice of varying degrees of dubiousness. Someone says 'leave the bastard' then a sensible soul says. ' Have you discussed it with him?' and the thread peters out. You have killed the thread.

MajesticWhine · 09/02/2013 00:00

LTB

zippey · 09/02/2013 00:43

Right, even though this thread is now dead, I'll post anyway. I agree that the squeamishness factor of seeing a baby come out of your partners vagina can be overwhelming, and then to think about putting your penis in there again can be daunting for a lot of men. Its a bit like having sex in a sacred place. He might think it is a little strange, like having sex in a church.

Plus having sex with children in the next room can be offputting for some people.

Not sure what solutions I can give you though.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/02/2013 00:51

Did he have a woman-hating 'traditional' upbringing? Some men go off sex after the first baby arrives because they divide women into 'good' and 'bad' ie 'mother' and 'slut' and they can't bear to think of a Sacred Mother as a sexual woman.

LastDadStanding · 09/02/2013 01:05

Well wondawoman, I'm envious. I wish I'd has sex 3 times in the last 7 months. Not looking for sympathy, just saying I'm there too and it's shit. Don't laugh people I can hear you in my head.

catladycourtney1 · 09/02/2013 01:24

I feel your pain, although my dp won't sleep with me because I'm pregnant. Which I can totally understand on the one hand... but on the other I feel as though our days of "alone-time" and any semblance of pelvic floor strength and perky boobs are numbered and as if I may never have sex again. Also he's adamant that he wants to watch our daughter be born... which isn't going to help matters... and that after I give birth everything will magically go back to normal and I'll be nice and tight and have bigger boobs and no stretch marks. Because, apparently, that's how it worked for his ex. Wanker.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 09/02/2013 01:31

We were like that for several years after Dc's were born. It gets better. Sex is stupendous now! And that is with teenagers in the house! Grin

LastDadStanding · 09/02/2013 01:42

Hope so. Got to say that I've seen two pretty horrific births and I still want to jump dw at every available opportunity.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 09/02/2013 01:51

And round here, it wasnt DP's fault. I was totally weird when the dcs were small, a real she wolf, these breasts were for milk, hands off! Sex just wasnt at the top of the agenda! It's not always the guy's fault.

Original poster
wondawoman1 · 09/02/2013 07:32

Well sole I'm not loose :) he really enjoyed the birth and I've been a good girl and have been looking after myself ie. loosing baby weight, back to yoga etc. he wasn't keen in pregnancy either which is a bit more understanding I guess.... However ; his ex had their ds a long time ago( they were young) and he moaned that she witheld sex for a year after the birth! Think she was suffering with pnd. I don't see any evidence of him using porn etc..... It's like his libido has disappeared :( . I've said it to him on more than one occasion and he says he is tired :(. FFs!! I'm the one up with dd every time !! To be honest I'm pissed off he won't even touch me in the slightest .

Thanks saggy I hope it gets better with time ; question is how long before I get sick of waiting ??????

OP posts:
Original poster
wondawoman1 · 09/02/2013 07:36

Solid; he did have a traditional upbringing , he's quite old Skool I guess , likes to provide etc..... Everyone always says its obvious he adores me, spoils me on my birthday , Xmas etc.....

OP posts:
maleview70 · 09/02/2013 07:42

Unlikely to be just tiredness.

More likely being unable to deal with mother/lover transformation. Happens a lot!

MrsMushroom · 09/02/2013 07:48

Well have you asked him about it? In my experience there are only 2 things which put straight men off sex....depression and other women.

Bluegrass · 09/02/2013 07:52

MrsMushroom - that's a ridiculously simplistic view!

The arrival of a new baby knocks everyone for six. He has gone through his own hormonal changes too. His libidos may just be going through a low patch and general tiredness/additional feelings of responsibility to his growing family probably don't help.

It may well gradually get back to normal. Just try to make sure you can enjoy being close and tactile without there necessarily being any pressure to have sex.