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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just seen a photo of my ex with the ow. unexpectedly gutted!

22 replies

sillymillyb · 04/02/2013 21:34

Just that really. My friend has just won a sporting competition and updated his website with photos of the day. There is a giant photo of my ex dp and the ow as one of the first photos, totally took me by surprise and I'm shocked by how it has affected me - I feel winded :(

Stupid knobbing ex, stupid sodding feelings. Its been 2 years, I shouldn't be this floored by it

OP posts:

Undertone · 04/02/2013 21:37

Oh sillymilly. Have a sneaky hug.

Original poster

sillymillyb · 04/02/2013 21:42

Thanks undertone, the sneaky ones are the best!

Bastard, bastard, bastard; I'm tempted to copy the photo in to paintbox and draw a teeeny tiny cock on his head then repost to my friends website.... don't worry, I shan't, I just really want to!

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trustissues75 · 04/02/2013 21:59

I found a pic of mine with the OW around 18 months after he walked - even though I was a good year into the sensation of my skin crawling at the thought of that man having ever touched me I was completely taken aback at my reaction, which was that horrible sick feeling you get when you realise you've been utterly betrayed. OTOH it also confirmed for me that I'd been right all along about the woman who'd plastered herself all over his facebook page right after he told me he wanted a divorce. Don't be too hard on yourself - it's a huge betrayal and you will feel upset.

Original poster

sillymillyb · 04/02/2013 22:16

Ah trust, I'm sorry you have felt like this too - wow, she was blatent to do that huh?

A week after my ex walked he updated his fb status to say "never been happier, am loving being with my soulmate" He forgot he was friends with my mum though and she tore strips off him....

I think I'm going to bed now, I feel really sick and shakey and to be honest, I just want to wake up tomorrow with my gorgeous son thinking that today is another day.... or something.... need the brain bleach cos I keep seeing their bloody happy faces

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trustissues75 · 04/02/2013 22:24

Just keep thinking to yourself that karma is a very studious bitch. And you have your lovey DS.

chocoreturns · 04/02/2013 22:28

their punishment will be their relationship my love. I know exactly how you feel, but when those sickening moments hit me I remember that I know what a cock my ex is, and she's either living with him also knowing it, or about to find out. Happy on the outside doesn't mean they are happy on the inside. In fact if he's left his DS for her I doubt either of them will be happy any which way for very long. You on the other hand have the option of being a little bit more fabulous every day, with your lovely DS to hang out with too :)

trustissues75 · 04/02/2013 22:54

Choco speaks the truth!!! It's bloody hard...and dealing with the sheer injustice of it all can be draining..but you will get through it. Just always remind yourself that he's a cock and always will be when he starts playing the mess with your head fuckery to try to manipulate you into his way of thinking.

MerlotAndMe · 04/02/2013 23:00

good for your mum sillymillyb

chipmonkey · 04/02/2013 23:33

silly, the truth is that she's stuck with the cheating, lying bastard now. And when he does cheat, she'll either believe his lies or take him back so that her friends who said "Once a cheater, always a cheater" can't say "I told you so".
You are so much better off out of that!

Original poster

sillymillyb · 05/02/2013 10:04

Thank you all for the help last night, I read the messages on my phone in bed and thought I'd replied but obviously it has been lost into cyber space

She def knows he cheated on me, and was using prostitutes as he was investigated at work for it and they are colleagues.... I know she will be the one that ends up stuck with him, but they look so bloody happy! It honestly turns my stomach when ever I think of it.

However....onwards and upwards, my mum has the baby for me today so I'm going to job hunt and nap ALL DAY! Bliss! The hours I have spent feeling crap again since last night are all I'm going to allow them.

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ArbitraryUsername · 05/02/2013 10:21

They look bloody happy in public... Imagine what they look like in private when she discovers he's been using prostitutes and cheating on her.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 05/02/2013 10:29

Its very easy to look happy Silly, I did it for years, and trust me, there wasn't even one day where I was actually happy.

I can understand how much of a shock it must have been, but take comfort in the fact that you are no longer with a cheating scumbag bastard who could have giving you a serious STI

Original poster

sillymillyb · 05/02/2013 10:31

See, much as I despise her, I don't think I could wish the day I found out on anyone.

I'm having psychotherapy at the moment, and there's so much about that day that I keep having to touch on then back away from - it was horrific.

Saying that though, she knows what she was getting in to, she knows the facts of what she was dealing with, I was like a lamb to the slaughter by comparison!

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puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 05/02/2013 10:44

You're so nice Silly

Ignore what he is doing and focus on getting yourself better.

Its always hard when you have been blind sided, however it means you will be more likely to pick up the same things if they occur in the future (god forbid).

We learn something from every relationship, its not always good, but it is always useful.

Original poster

sillymillyb · 05/02/2013 10:55

Oh puds i'm really not, I was horrible to them both when it first happened - no grace under fire here I hope you are feeling happier now? It's true isn't it though, appearances can be deceptive - I'll think of that when ever the image of them both pops into my head.

As for learning something, that's what I'm working on now. It's a slow process though and I'm impatient!

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ArbitraryUsername · 05/02/2013 10:55

You don't have to wish it on her. The main problem (she's got) is that she's decided to shack up with the sort of guy who thinks it's OK to use prostitutes and cheat on his wife. That is not a recipe for a 'happily ever after', no matter how smiley they might appear in public.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 05/02/2013 11:01

I am much much better now thanks silly. One day I woke up and I felt great, and although I have had a few days of feeling a bit crappy in-between, on the whole I am feeling the best I have ever felt

Considering how and what you found out, I'm not surprised you found yourself being very angry. Your life was changed in an instant, and you had no say in it. As for the deceptive appearances, keep that in mind when you see them. I mean, how happy can you be with a man who cheats on his DP and uses prostitutes!

I can be very impatient too, but it really does help if you're realistic about things, and accept that it will take time to heal.

I stand by what I said about you being nice

brianbennettfan · 05/02/2013 11:09

Honey pie, I have albums galore full of photos in which I am positively beaming alongside my exH, all these lovely photos of a time when he was following the EA script to a 't', and screwing the OW to boot.

One day your OW will look back on the photos that you saw and think, "That was just before he started to .
She is a fool, and will rue the day that she met him, just like my OW does now.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 05/02/2013 11:18

Its so true brian

I hope your ok now

brianbennettfan · 05/02/2013 15:01

Thanks puds. I have a lovely DP now. I'm afraid I thoroughly enjoy hearing about the utter bollox that exH and OW are making of their relationship, although less pleased about the misery they are causing their 15-year-old DD.
A little Schadenfreude goes a long way .

Original poster

sillymillyb · 05/02/2013 15:18

puds and brian I am so glad you are on the other side, so to speak, and feeling happier now. Thank you to you all though for talking me down.... I really appreciate even just being able to share the shock of seeing their faces on my screen.

It is ironic, as a friend has just found out her husband was cheating (does any one stay bloody faithful now a days?!) and I was telling her that karma will come around and bite him on the bum, and that all she has to do is stay fabulous and live her life to the full to get revenge.... and then I realised that is what you lot have been saying here and I need to believe my own advice!

Thank you for all your words of wisdom ladies, I have had a mahooosive nap as the baby isn't sleeping at the mo, and I think now I'm not as knackered it is easier to have perspective too. I have my wonderful son, I am looking at moving house to a brilliant area, I am going back to work - the world is mine and ds's oyster. They will always have their tainted relationship, but somehow, it seems less shiny and wonderful an option when compared with the above :)

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puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 05/02/2013 16:00

Thats the spirit Silly, i'm glad your feeling better

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