hi
I get the feeling I'm being pathetic here but I just would like to write my feelings down and if I get any replies its a bonus...even if its to tell me I'm being silly.
Been with DH 12 years. Had a DS 4 months ago. We live with my mum for financial reasons.
The problem is my DH's attitude. He really doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. His social life is his number one priority, then football, then us. Although he will argue that isn't the case. But actions speak louder than words, right? He's out of the house more than he is in. We don't talk and we aren't affectionate. We haven't had sex since we conceived DS. He belittles my feelings when I express them and makes me feel stupid.
He has always been like this but its intensified since I got pregnant. I had such a tough pregnancy. I gave up smoking and drinking (naturally) but it was a killer for me as our social life was everything to us before this. He carried on as normal, out every night and at weekends not coming home till 5 or 6 am. I suffered from pre natal depression and bad morning sickness but he was not there for me. Many times his behavior got me so stressed I thought I would miscarry. He saw me in there states and just carried on doing what he was doing. I'm finding it hard to forgive and forget.
This behaviour is carrying on now that baby is here. I do everything and because he works he uses that as a weapon, an excuse. "I'm only having a few drinks after work" etc. It's not a high powered or stressful job.
I thought he might feel left out so I suggested he do the nightly bath with DS. He has managed 3 times in nearly 5 months. He does no night feeds. He buys nothing in the way of food or nappies for DS. He shows no interest. In our boy, or me.
I've given him ultimatums but somehow he makes me feel pathetic for even suggesting we split. I've told him I'm not happy. He has a good 2 weeks then he returns to form. It stresses me out so much I don't know how to handle it.
Am I being over sensitive? Is it silly of me to want to split just because of these reasons? Another thing is that he snores really loudly, so he has his own room. I'm in the nursery with DS. I get virtually no sleep when I'm in with DS as he's a loud sleeper too. When DH goes away on the piss for the weekend (yes! Football is the reason for this) I love it as I get to sleep in his room. It's a relief when he's gone. It's infuriating that he refuses to lose weight in order to help with his snoring.
Right now I hate him. I know deep down I love him but I just can't get to that place with him when he's such a selfish prick.
Sorry for length of this post. I feel better just off loading.