Been single 5 months after 4 years of one hell of a relationship, but now feel incredibly lonely... HELP!!!

[DantyToes]

For the last 4 years ive been with the same person. This would be my daughters father. About 6/7 months ago i found things on the internet i didnt want to find that were to do with him and shortly after i left as i couldnt stay any longer and continue to hurt.. Ever since i left ive felt incredibly lonely, all my friends dont seem to be there and all my self confidence has gone.

I dont know what to do, i just seem to be in my own little world and have no motivation to do anything anymore. I miss having friends and someone to talk to as i dont feel like i have it..

Can anyone help me at all?

I just wanted to reach out to you. I'm feeling terribly lonely too (bad time of year anyway). I broke up with my ex 1 year ago and hoped I might be in a relationship by now. I've been on a few dates but not met anyone inspiring yet. Another date lined up next week.

I'm not sure I can help, I just wanted to reach out and say I feel the same. I'm trying to make myself get out a bit more (not easy with a health problem) but I think you do just have to jump in and do that however you're feeling. Do you live somewhere with some good social things going on?

getting support on here is a great first step
it's really hard being a lone parent but it does get easier and better I promise. Can you get the odd night out to see people? maybe start a new hobby once a week if that's possible, build up your confidence a bit by doing something new?

It takes a while to get used to your own company, but then you'll start to enjoy the freedom of it. You're feeling sad now though because of the end of your relationship probably. Do you have any support such as family?

My mum is brilliant, shes always there for me if i need a chat or a cuddle but recently my granddad ( her dad ) has been diagnosed with Cancer and doesnt have long to live so i feel like what im going through isnt important.

All my friends have their problems too, so i guess ive just shut it away and gotten on with everything. I do go to college but ive started feeling drained and struggling to want to carry on with that, which i knew if i left i would regret it instantly.

My little one is always with me so i tend not to get out much unless its for a rainy walk or to the park etc. Just feeling a little trapped i and dont know how to get out?

so sorry to hear about your grandad. That's also bound to make you feel low.

well done for sticking at it with college good to have something to focus on and it sounds like you'll keep at it.

I found it helped me when I was feeling like this to write down at the end of each day a few things I'd achieved that day, eg make dcs tea, have a shower, could be anything. Try to focus on the fact you're being a mum and going to college, both great achievements. You're coping with gf illness and your relationship breakdown. Things are bound to be tough right now and won't always be.

Is there anything like museum or anywhere nearby that you could plan a little trip with dd, as something to look forward to? little bus trip for a coffee or whatever? (not so easy in Jan, don't forget the weather will improve eventually)

If you're lonely there's no real way of shaking that off beyond getting out there and socialising. Takes effort when you're a lone parent to schedule something but that's what you have to do. I found a community activity where I live that met once a week, got a regular babysitter, pitched up, joined in and that got the ball rolling.

Re 'friends with problems'... we all have lives and we all have problems but we all need people. Call your friends. Invite them to yours for supper if you find it difficult to get out of the house.

The world is out there but it won't come to your door.... you have to go find it

It's hard, isn't it. I've been on my own for two years now and I've been trying to get out there and socialise, but, you can feel, even though you get used to your own company and often enjoy it, fed up with not having a companion, someone who is more than a friend.

Socialise as much as you can and get out as much as possible (hopefully milder weather will make this easier) and pamper yourself when you're on your own - nice bath, exercise, good book, whatever you enjoy.

Having re-read your original post, it's easy to become very insular if you spend too much time on your own, and it's easy to dwell on things and lose your confidence and it becomes a vicious circle. Find a way to break that circle.

What about joining Gingerbread - for single parents and you'll meet other mums.

Are you able to do some volunteer work? Can you get someone to look after your dd for a couple of hours?

I volunteer at a wildlife centre once a week and it has done wonders for me. Plus it is all me time and can have an adult conversation!