I feel like i'm being taken advantage of somewhat!!

[SweetBrownJes]

A couple of weeks ago DP and I had a discussion about living arrangements. We decided to set up a 6 month trial of living together by having him move in with me during the week. So he stays here every week night coming straight from work and leaving for work the next morning. I agreed to this under the impression that he would help out towards groceries etc - this is yet to happen and not only does he not financially contribute but he's started making specific requests of what he wants me to buy too.
On a friday he finishes work at 11.15. I knew he had a few things to do so assumed he'd be back about 3pm. At 3.30 I get a text off him saying he's at his mothers house and she's cooking him tea and he'll be with me as soon as he's finished!! I'd already taken stuff out for tea so I'm annoyed that he just buggers off to his mother's house for tea without letting me know when he's supposed to be 'living' here. Its starting to feel a bit like he's using my house as a hotel for when he feels like being here.

AIBU to be feeling a bit miffed? this was rude behaviour wasn't it?then again I'm in a shit mood today anyway so maybe I'm over-reacting.

"under the impression"

Did you have a conversation about finances before he moved in? For if he isn't living up to what he agreed, then yes of course you should be more than miffed,

If you didn't - have it now.

I think the going for tea at his mum's is a blip in the road as you get used to the new arrangement but he should have communicated better before you started defrosting/cooking whatever. However yes he should definitely be contributing to the household costs. Sit him down and talk about it.

Where was he living prior to living with you during the week?.

He sounds like a cocklodger and now has it well made. He now has two saps to look after him!.

Do not accept such an arrangement as of now and kick him to the kerb. Such men do not respect women at all.

Yeah I actually said he would have to contribute towards groceries etc. He's on over £30k a year, I'm living on a student bursary!

He agreed that he would.

Didn't you discuss finances and come to a firm arrangement?

If not, then talk to him now. Tell him that he needs to pay his way.

And that he isn't your boss and doesn't give you a list of instructions.

And that you don't expect to be treated like a hotel.

Or - you could see that this is your life to come, if you hitch your wagon to him on a permanent basis and decide that it's just not worth it.

talk it thro, lay out your expectation and find out what his are.

Of course he should contribute, discuss with him how this will work -have you let him move in without doing this?
Think is fine him staying at his mothers for dinner though, he shouldn't have to eat with you just because you have defrosted something, have it the next day .

x post.

Have you told him the actual amount of money that you want and when you want it?

Tell him that you want it.

If he doesn't give it to you, I'd consider this trial period over, if I were you.

So tell him to cough up or bugger off!

I also think eating at his mum's is a blip. It's a bit thoughtless of him so tell him that too.

The tea at his mum wouldn't upset me particularly.

The not contributing, yes. And that it at least a yellow flag.

Tell him he has to pay for the next few rounds of shopping by himself as he has not put in so far. Make sure you order what you want too. His attitude to this will give you a sense of whether this is flakiness or something more premeditated.

Send him a list of shopping to do on his way back from his mum's.

Make sure you include nice wine, chocolate, meat and chicken (and ensure the total cost comes to what he should have contributed up to now).

Then see what his reaction is

a) refuses to do it - bin him

b) does it but moans - tell him it's the groceries he should have bought up to now and if he continues to moan, bin him (but at least you'll then have a full fridge and cupboards)

c) does it no problem - then he might be OK but you'll have to explain to him that you're not his mother, he needs to see when stocks are low and step up - and at least you've have nice things in during the snow!

Why are you cooking for him ? You are not his personal chef

He is either thoughtless or taking the piss on purpose.

I agree with On the Bottom - ask him to get some shopping on the way back from his mums.

Make it vague

wine
chocolate
a chicken
something for you (him) to cook for tomorrow's dinner
loo roll
kitchen cleaner

then report back to us with what he selects and on this basis we can tell you whether or not to LTB.

He lives with you 'during the week'.

Is he somewhere else at weekends then?

I love your idea, Gladbags

Anything less than 6 a couple of bottles of Poilly Fume or first rate Prosecco, Belgian chocs, free range organic chicken, Waitrose or M&S ready meals to give you a leisurely evening together, a pack of 9 Andrex or Kleenex Velvet, and Mr Muscle or Flash kitchen cleaner - or green equivalent if that's what your into - and he goes in the bin, OP

Screw with his mind......add a pregnancy test to the list...
Mwah ha ha ha

heh

Aren't you the same lady (name changed) that posted last week that he takes over the tv , turning it over when you're watching something and deletes all of your stuff off the planner? Did you not like the advice on that thread to end this 'trial' of living together?