Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH not happy because I didn't do enough for his birthday

77 replies

PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:01

I think i need to vent- somewhere!! Sorry i think its long. The last few weeks have been awful I have had hyperemesis and only just feel human again but am very tired. - it was dh birthday today and Although I bought a card, didn't have time to get dd to 'sign' it until he gt home. He has just said least he wanted was a card first thing this morning.

In the past I've bought him clothes, computer games and other pointless crap. He moans about it. Clothes have never been good enough and have gone back or not worn. He has just told me a present would have been nice. As money is very tight we get a certain amount to spend each month on ourselves - I put at least 20 percent of this away each month and managed to save 100 to get something for him. I suggested a year pass to the zoo so he could take dd and it means we have a 'free' day out for a year. I think he wanted something more for him which I can kind of see, but we don't do much activity based days as a family as money is tight. I had asked numerous times what he wanted and he said nothing.

I had planned to make a cake with dd today but he bought and subsequently forgot cakes for work this morning so I thought I'd just put a candle in them and sing happy birthday. However - my dad turned up and needed help with some DIY and friends popped in to give him a card while I was cooking tea for us all. Because of this tea was late, I couldn't do the cake prep and dd was shattered and had to go to bed!

We have just had a row and I feel utterly crap. Feel like I really struggle to keep on top of everything and he just doesn't notice or will pick fault in what I have done!

I know I've fcked up but really- was there any need to highlight it!!!Confused

OP posts:
dadVSfood · 04/01/2013 22:27

I think he is right to be a little miffed, but in the circumstances, shouldn't really be that much of an issue for a grown man should it......?

I must admit though, getting a card signed by DD should have been fairly easy. People like to at least feel a little acknowledged on their birthday.

Sounds like an underwhelming birthday experience and an overreaction on the other side to me...

mammadiggingdeep · 04/01/2013 22:28

Dp 'forgot' to get me a card once and gave me a bunch of wilting flowers. I'm not a spoilt brat but I will admit I was really upset. I didn't want expensive presents or grand gestures but I do think birthdays are a chance to express love. It would have taken much effort to get DD to sign the card and do a little 'tea' when he got home.

Original poster
PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:30

Thank you. I didn't see the point buying/making a cake because he left the ones meant for work at home. We went to sainabury and got them last night so I didn't want to buy one with him there.

I didn't see the point in spending money that we don't have on something that will sit there doing nothing Grin

I'm just frustrated - as usual my good intentions get scuppered!

I will make it up to him somehow!

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 04/01/2013 22:30

However, considering you've been poorly and are obviously busy (the DIY etc) perhaps he should've risen above it and kept quiet this once.

How was Xmas? Did you make a fuss of each other at Xmas?

Casmama · 04/01/2013 22:34

If he doesn't like presents you buy then why not stick £100 in the card(signed by you and Dd) and let him treat himself.

Original poster
PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:34

Sorry. He did not shout - just voice he wasn't happy.

Also my op wasn't clear - he had to help my dad with DIY when he got home so les time to do cake before dd needed to go to bed.

I did get dd to sign the card when we got home. So he has had a card. She is only 18 months so wanted her to scribble on it rather than me just write it out.

OP posts:
dreamofwhitehorses · 04/01/2013 22:35

Sorry but I'd be pissed off at not getting anything for my birthday, and with Moonpig and internet shopping you could have sorted it out in 10mins. I assume there must be a back story as to why you didn't want to make the effort. Relationships work best when the people in them go out of their way to be nice to eachother.

Original poster
PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:36

Thanks for your oponions- really appreciate it.

X mas - we had a strict 10 pound budget. I kept to it!! He got around it!!

OP posts:
WifeofPie · 04/01/2013 22:36

He behaved like a toddler! Birthdays are for children and you've been poorly incubating his child. Send him to the doghouse for a while. Hope you feel better soon Smile.

jalopy · 04/01/2013 22:37

If it had been your birthday, you would have been pissed off. I think he is entitled to feel the same.

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:39

I don't think birthdays are for children. I spent years with an ex who did the minimal for my birthday and it made me feel an inch tall. I know that this might not be the same circumstances as the op but I think it is ok to expect to be treated on your birthday, it is only one day a year after all.

rubyrubyruby · 04/01/2013 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nodecentnickname · 04/01/2013 22:40

I would be a bit pissed off I think. Sorry. If I was him I would feel a bit sad and under appreciated.

GiveMeSomeSpace · 04/01/2013 22:45

I certainly don't think birthday's are just for children

skullcandy · 04/01/2013 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WifeofPie · 04/01/2013 22:49

Fair enough; expecting to be made a fuss of on your birthday is for children and childish adults. I can't believe that a grown-man would expect cake and candles? And the whole present issue sounds very passive-aggressive. OP sounds like she has enough on her plate at the moment.

dreamofwhitehorses · 04/01/2013 22:51

How miserable are some of you lot! Birthdays Christmas are not just for kids they are a chance to feel special/make someone else feel special, and opportunities for that should not be missed and don't actually have to cost money. I do feel for you OP, it sounds like you tried to do something but you were ill and it all went a bit pear shaped. Totally understandable, but so is his disappointment. Acknowledge each others feelings and move on.

dreamofwhitehorses · 04/01/2013 22:51

How miserable are some of you lot! Birthdays Christmas are not just for kids they are a chance to feel special/make someone else feel special, and opportunities for that should not be missed and don't actually have to cost money. I do feel for you OP, it sounds like you tried to do something but you were ill and it all went a bit pear shaped. Totally understandable, but so is his disappointment. Acknowledge each others feelings and move on.

ceeveebee · 04/01/2013 22:52

I would be pissed off if my DH did nothing for my birthday.
Surely the date wasn't a surprise, you could have sorted a card out at any time. And with online shopping there is no excuse for not sorting a present out.
We're all busy but if you love someone you make the effort.

WifeofPie · 04/01/2013 22:52

Oh, Skull...Of course we do all of that. But if money were tight or life was very busy or someone was poorly I certainly wouldn't throw a strop about it.

outtolunchagain · 04/01/2013 22:52

It was my dh birthday today as well, goodness can't believe the fuss some people on here make for birthdays . We all had coffee together this morning and he opened cards and presents from Dcs and me , and then we took the dog for a walk , he did ( unusually) have the day off and he went out riding this morning .

Next year we will probably make more of a fuss because it is quite a momentous one .

I think your dh is being ridiculous , is he 5?

Original poster
PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:53

Skull candy and others I totally agree! And I had planned to make an effort- cake, dinner etc but the day just went. I had to go into town. When we got home friends turned up so I couldn't do what I would have done. I think that's why I am so gutted. I wanted to do it but circumstances meant it all went to pot Angry

Thanks for your replies

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 22:55

But even if it's OK for him to be disappointed or even pissed off.... that's no justification to have a row is there?

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 04/01/2013 22:57

I don't agree with the fact he is having a strop about it, he should have had a quiet word with you about being dissapointed.

I'm a firm believer in not too much fuss for an adults birthday, but to get him no gift at all, no cake, an unsigned card imo is a bit meanSad

Could you not make it up to him at a later date maybe?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 04/01/2013 23:00

A poor effort on your part really OP. I can see why he wasn't happy and from what you've described he voiced his unhappiness quite reasonably.

Maybe plan something nice for the weekend.