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Original poster

photos of ex tucked away...weird or not

35 replies

whatdoithinknow · 24/11/2012 19:34

Would u find it weird if you found ur partner had stashed away pics of him and ex w on wedding day etc? They have blatantly been hidden and I'm wondering if its normal to keep this kind of thing? Pretty sure I don't stil have any pics of me and ex hubby hidden in the closet? But then I'm happily married and moved on from there....but are people just different?

OP posts:
Doodlekitty · 24/11/2012 19:37

Not 'hidden away' but I have photos of me and all of my ex's. I think they are in the loft. They are photos of my life, my past. I don't look at them but one day I might. Hubby knows I have them and has looked at some of them with me. I don't think it's odd

ProcrastinatingPanda · 24/11/2012 19:37

Yes I'd find it strange that they were hidden away, I don't think I've got any pictures of ex. Both me and dp might have some on the computer saved in some distant file but they'll be mixed up amongst baby pics of DS and dsd so not couple pictures but family pictures iyswim, and no physical copies lying around.

TidyDancer · 24/11/2012 19:40

No it's not weird at all. It's part of a person's history and life. Nothing more to it than that in the majority of cases.

You seem to be implying that your DP has not moved on, is that what you feel? What else makes you think that if you do?

The photos are overwhelming likely to be innocent.

Spons · 24/11/2012 19:43

Not weird at all. It's part of your history and help document your life. Can see it would make you feel a bit funny to stumble across them though.

MirandaWest · 24/11/2012 19:47

My wedding photos are in the garage. I think. I need to clear the garage out (there is more stuff in it as well as the wedding photos).

Apocalypto · 24/11/2012 19:48

Getting married is something you only do three or four times in your life, so it makes sense to keep the photos.

Wecanfixit · 24/11/2012 19:50

Can see where you are coming from my EX turned up after 20 years and gave my /his DC pictures of us when we were married lots of them I had no idea he had kept them to me it seemed strange as I had not kept any of him, but then I thought well it was part of his life for along time why wouldnt he keep them?, I guess we are all different when it comes to things like this, hope you are not too unduly worried we all have a past , but it is the present that is important .

Original poster
whatdoithinknow · 24/11/2012 19:51

Thanks I suspected I might have been reading too much into it but wanted to know what others thought. I suppose they are just pics of his life and past but I was just surprised by them thats all-and yes they were mixed in with family pics.

OP posts:
openerofjars · 24/11/2012 19:53

I have photos of my ex and DH doesn't have a problem with it. I think photos of your DH and his ex still on display would be weirder. I'd be upset if DH asked me to chuck out pics of my past, tbh.

openerofjars · 24/11/2012 19:53

Oh, xpost again. Must learn to type faster, sorry, OP!

ISayHolmes · 24/11/2012 19:54

Does he have children with his ex? It might partially be for them, even though they separated, in case they ever want to look at their parent's wedding day.

44SoStartingOver · 24/11/2012 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

davidtroublemaker · 24/11/2012 20:00

Male view. We're second-time-rounders. Both our exes came to our wedding, in fact my wife's ex gave her away to me. You can't share your life with someone and then pretend they never existed. If the photos are hidden it's because he fears an unnatural reaction to you seeing them - rethink your attitude to exes.

skyebluesapphire · 24/11/2012 21:59

I have kept all photos including wedding ones, to give to DD when she is older so that she can look at them and see that once upon a time, her dad did love her mum..... Its part of my history and also part of hers. My XH didnt take any photos at all when he left...

ProcrastinatingPanda · 24/11/2012 22:03

To the posters saying pics of the ex is fine, what do you think of them being hidden away? That's the part if the story I find strange, not pics of his ex beig kept but the partner keeping them as his little secret - unless op you meant like doodlekitty and they were hidden away forgotten in the loft or such place?

EdithWeston · 24/11/2012 22:06

Hidden away is preferable to being out on show. Unless you think he's still hankering after her, which is a whole different issue from whether a few prints still exist.

skyebluesapphire · 24/11/2012 23:33

when you say hidden, what do you mean exactly? His idea of storage could be your idea of hidden.. just wondered

Mine are still in albums sat on the shelf. I will put them in DD's memory box when i can get to it.

LapsedPacifist · 24/11/2012 23:43

Well, what on earth is he supposed to do with them? Hmm

Leaving them out on display would be weird. Destroying them would be a bit of a 'statement'. WHY exactly do you expect you partner to get rid of a record of part of his life? Don't you think he is just being a bit err, well, sensitive towards you, by not leaving this stuff around for you to see?

I have photos which document my entire life, but I don't keep them on public display They include a few pictures of most of my ex-partners from my significant romantic relationships over the past 35 years, including my ex-DP. But he is DS's father. We had some good times. Why should I deny that?

WTF is it with folk who need to eradicate and 'move on' from every single relationship apart from THE ONE!! their current one? Not EVERY ex is necessarily toxic and abusive.

Surely we don't have to start from a blank slate every time we hit the sack with someone new? Doesn't that thinking invest our current romantic relationships with far too much significance? Do we have to pretend we are a fucking born-again-virgin every time we meet a new partner? Aren't we all the sum of our respective histories? Or are we all living in Take-A-Break Re-Invent-Ourselves-Every-3 months Celeb Land?

olgaga · 24/11/2012 23:49

Do they have children? If so, that's understandable. Why does it make you feel insecure? They're only photos.

cleef15 · 25/11/2012 00:58

I have photos from my life with ex boyfriends. I have photos from my ex husband including our marriage. I don't have them on display they r in the loft - so does that mean I hiding them? I don't think so!! We all have previous lives.

akaemmafrost · 25/11/2012 01:30

I have photos and letters from my exes.

They are my past and memories and I would be a bit Hmm by a current DP having a problem with that.

Dryjuice25 · 25/11/2012 01:43

My partner tore photos of ex. Weird isn't it. I wanted to keep them as part of my past. Getting angry now, cranking up.....

M0naLisa · 25/11/2012 01:44

I ripped all mine up, there weren't many

BustersOfDoom · 25/11/2012 01:50

No definitely not weird. It's a record of life before you, which is pefectly valid. Both DP and I have stuff from before we were together, and we've been together 28 years. We don't get it out and look at it but it's there should we ever want to.

And yes that is weird Dryjuice25 if DP had torn up my photos of my previous life he'd be an ex. He sounds very insecure and I can't be doing with that crap.

VestaCurry · 25/11/2012 01:56

My Mum destroyed all the photos of her and my father together (and any including me). I understand why she did at the time because he was violent towards her, but she told me she regretted it later because I have no idea what he looks like. I asked other relatives if they had any, but to no avail. I don't know if he's still alive and I have no particular desire to find out, but I SO want to know what he looks like. Photographs are an important historical record of one's life, which in years to come can be important to others, apart from the obvious stories like mine.